To wean (aged almost 3 years) or not?

[WhereIsBlueRabbit]

I can't decide whether to wean DS off breastfeeding or whether to let him wean himself at whatever age that might be. He's almost 3 and shows no sign of losing interest. We night weaned earlier this year (and he immediately started sleeping through!) but he still feeds first thing, last thing, and either side of naps on those days.

I'm really torn as to what to do. In a few weeks' time, I'm away for a weekend and I have wondered about using this as a point to either wean completely or at least drop a feed (perhaps the night time one).

On the one hand, part of me is more than ready to stop in that I'd like to wear normal bras again, he's getting a bit big for my lap for a feed, and it's been almost three years. And frankly, if I let him wean himself, I think he might be going strong at 5 still.

On the other hand, he does seem to be slowly weaning a little in that he will occasionally skip the bedtime feed (I have a don't offer, don't refuse policy) and is definitely feeding for less time. And I had hoped to end when he was ready - I think I will find it a bit upsetting in that it's the end of a stage, and that would be easier if on his terms.

DP, for what it's worth, thinks weaning is long overdue but is not daft enough to push me too hard on this. He would, however, be very encouraging and supportive (which is how we night weaned - he dealt with all the night wakings).

Thoughts? Anyone had to make a similar decision?

It is entirely up to you. Bfing should continue until one or both of you wishes to stop. It sounds as though you might be ready but not entirely sure. Would talking through your feelings with a BFC help?

You seem ready to stop Ithink using the weekend away is a good starting point .

I weaned my son just before he was three (so about three months ago now) - partly because I am pregnant with #2 and it was getting really painful. He was already down to just a night feed (and random ones before naps or if he was sad/tired).

He still asks for it occasionally, and asks whether he will get some of the baby's milk when the baby comes, but generally it feels as if it was the right time to end. Part of me would like to have left it until he gave up by himself, but I had no idea when that would be (I'd assumed it would have happened already, but he showed no signs of wanting to stop).

I wanted to stop before the new baby because I didn't want any competition/jealousy and frankly I was knackered!

Luckily for me dd self weaned at about 18m by just not asking before bed one night and we went from there. I do think it was pregnancy related as it apparently tastes different/supply fades.

This isn't helpful for you though! If she hadn't given up voluntarily I would have gently weaned a little at a time; I couldn't have upset her to do it.

I feel for you though I'd really had enough by 18 months let alone 3 years!!

He didn't seem emotionally upset by it at all, by the way - a bit curious about why there wasn't any milk for him any more, and there were (are!) attempts to pull my boobs out and feed. But he is just as cuddly, affectionate and happy as before.

I would say try it out with the weekend and see how you go. At 3 he is unlikely to miss it when you leave, somehow, even when they feed all the bloody time when you're home! And they tend to have two reactions when you get back- either they leap on you and demand boob or they just carry on without it like they've never had it before. I would try out wearing more restrictive clothing on your return so you can put him off for a bit if he asks and wait and see if he's persistent or isn't actually very bothered at all. But if he's upset or clearly missing it you can let him feed. Your supply wind dry up in a weekend after 3 years anyway.

DS stopped totally spontaneously at 4 and I wouldn't have thought it at 3 :) they can change very suddenly.

Thanks everyone - he is very persistent, bless him, and it's always the first thing he asks for on my return (even after three days away). So the chance of him forgetting about it or losing interest is....slim.

I feel like a bit of a numpty for feeling like this but I have some real feelings of regret around stopping - possibly because we have no imminent plans for number 2. Never thought I'd still be feeding at this age! Did anyone else have any feelings of sadness about stopping?

Yes I defintely felt sad when I stopped, it’s totslly normal and you’re not a numpty at all. Feeding at 3 isn’t so unusual. Have a think about whether you want to stop or whether you feel you ought to.

Thank you. If I'd stopped a year ago, it would have definitely been because I felt I should. Now it's 50-50 "should" vs "actually, it's getting a bit much". I don't know anyone else who's still feeding at this age and feel as though I have to keep it quiet, if that makes sense! Even though I know that globally, it's not unusual at all.

My older children self weaned at 3.5, almost 2 and 3 respectively. The older two were tandem fed and forgot to ask whilst on holiday. Never thought that would happen and whilst I was ready to finish, yes there was some sadness to it. Completely understand you feeling conflicted. Their younger sister weaned saying 'I'm going to go do reading time with the big children now'. End. Couldn't believe it! Good luck whatever you decide.

DS1 stopped at 20 months (lost interest), DS2 at 3 years showed no signs of wanting to - we talked about it (which in itself made me a bit uncomfortable- rightly or wrongly!) and agreed on dropping the bedtime feed & just doing the morning. I also kept it on the down low - didnt feed in public etc. Then gave it all up a few months later. It was fine - it’s hard whenever you do it, it did make me a bit sad, but actually being able to talk to them about it makes it easier & you’ve done brilliantly to make it this far. It is soon forgotten & you could enjoy a few wines in this lovely weather!

I can't say regret is quite the right word for me encouraging DC1 off at just before two as I was desperate for DC2 and my age was not on my side so it felt like needs must, but I do have pangs of sadness about it, even though we did it very gently and took several months. Onto DC2 and she is still going strong at 3.2 and I am going to enjoy nursing her til she naturally weans off when she is ready. It's not unusual in my circle and a couple of mums here are feeding their 5yo+ kids, and no one bats an eyelid - I feel like a beginner at 3! I do feel a little drained at times but she is my last, and I'll never be able to do it again.

I weaned DS just before he turned 3. He was still having a morning feed, a couple during the day and one before bed as well as an occasional night feed. I was ready to stop so one day just said that they were sore and he asked once or twice after then but didn't get upset. The next week he was really ill and just wanted cuddles but said "I can only have milk in a cup now because you are sore" I felt so guilty but he was fine!

Have you tried talking to him about it? I encouraged DD to wean at 2.5 and we discussed it very thoroughly beforehand about how mummy's milk wouldn't last forever, so we just saved it for one feed before bed, then we gradually cut it out. She took it very well. At three he should be able to understand what's happening and if you can make a plan together he might be more willing.

We have discussed it, actually - before we night-weaned, I bought a couple of toddler weaning books (think one was Mamma's Milk is All Gone or similar) and I explained that he was getting to be a bigger boy so we weren't going to have milk at night. And wouldn't you know it, he slept right through the first night of night-weaning (clearly got the message there was nothing worth waking up for ).

I think we need to revisit the books, because he liked them, but he is quite a stubborn little character and resistant to the idea of being a "big boy" - we're currently going through a phase where he tries to get me to feed him at every mealtime, and he is quite clingy at the moment (we have some family stuff going on - illness in extended family - which I think he may be picking up on).

So, although we have a surprise big boy present ready for when he stops (train set), I'm not convinced that angle is going to work! I think he feels quite unsettled by the idea of giving up certain things - he's extremely resistant to the idea of potty training at the moment, for example.

Thank you for sharing your experiences - I think cutting out the bedtime feed would be easiest and you're right that we should be able to chat about that.