The best way to handle a toddler melt-down?

[stinkymalinki]

All suggestions gratefully received!

My DS is 20 months old, and is just hitting the Toddler Twos - i took him into town this morning, put his reins on instead of strapping him into the pushchair (which he hates), then all hell broke loose. He wanted to walk in the opposite direction (i have tried him without reins, and he just runs off instead!), then wanted to be carried, but only by me, not DH; howled in M&S because i 'dared' to leave him with DH to try on a pair of jeans; had an out and out temper-tantrum in Boots as i wouldn't buy all the 20+ toothbrushes he'd put in the basket (with all the old ladies walking by, looking disapproving...!), etc etc ad nauseum at the moment He does the same thing in the supermarket too, doesn't want to sit properly in the trolley, runs off in the opposite direction if i let him walk, fills my trolley up with absolute rubbish....you get the gist!

I know this behaviour is all part of his normal development, and that it won't last forever, but its getting to the point where i'm avoiding taking him anywhere as i get so frustrated/embarrassed at other peoples reactions/and stressed! All i can say is thank goodness for on-line food shopping!

Thanks, SM x

Probably not much help; but really SM you shouldn't let what other people think bother you. I am going through the same thing with DS (22mths) at the moment and when he plays up you wouldn't believe some of the looks that I get (especially being quite pregnant)...

You just have to stand your ground and get on with it I reckon, and ignore all those nosey judgemental old feckers!

Also, you might find that the people looking are feeling quite sympathetic - I'm sure most people who raised children have been through it.

Remove the audience (you and your DH being the only audience he cares about) - just walk away, start a conversation with each other about something (anything). Go somewhere where you can still see him, but he thinks that you can't. Once he realises that it's not getting a reaction, he will stop. If he does it at home, just get up and go into a different room.

Distract him whenever you can,
Praise everything he does that you like,
Ignore what you don't like.

That's the short version!! Not as easy as that, but I have found them to be good groundrules. Attention to a toddler who is kicking off is like oxygen to a flame. All they basically want is your love and attention. Obviously you are not going to stop loving them but you can ignore them. They may up the ante to try and get you back, but they do burn out (!) and this is often quicker than trying to appease them.

Can still feel like an eternity though...

watch that!

Why would someone film a tantrum and post it on YouTube?!

Ignore.

And ds and I have tried hard to keep calm and to keep smiling!

Distraction usually stops dd2's tantrums, or else humour - I pull a funny face, tickle her, blow raspberries on her tummy, that sort of thing.

Thanks everyone. All sane advice, and at home i do manage fine (coffee in the kitchen with him kicking off in the front room usually). I obviously just need to follow the same tactics when we're out...easier said than done though! (little monkey was howling at me earlier then in the same breath, turning round and grinning happily at the old bat who said 'oh dear, is nasty mummy putting all your toothbrushes back?' Er - yes! There are only 3 of us, we do not need 20!!)

for shopping trips our strategy is keep it short and essentialsonly when he's in anything other than totally sunny mood, make sure he has something to occupy himself so that he doesn't "help" with the shopping too much (unless we have all the time in the world and I have time to collect a basket of unwanted stuff, thank him for helping then secretly put it all back) and if possible shop at snack or drink time so he is busy with refreshments for as long as possible! Also he is getting the idea of making bargains. He knows if I say "mummy has to go in here and buy something so I need you to help by holding my hand and not touching, and when we've done that we can go and look at the Thomas the Tank Engine model in mothercare"...that I will keep my promise if he helps me first. He's 28mths, a little older, but the "making deals" thing has been going for a while.

But I KNOW that my ds is easily distracted and these work for us, might not be a goer for some little people!

Put him back in the pushchair.