Encouragement needed

[REK2018]

Please tell me that things get easier or at least more manageable. My dd is four weeks old tomorrow and I'm struggling emotionally so much. She cries so much and I love her so much but I don't feel like I can console her. I am so exhausted and I feel like I'm failing her I'd be lost without the amazing support jetway to I have, but everyone seems better with her than I am. Will things get easier? If so when?

Oh REK it defintely does get better but I think you may need a little more help. Please talk to your HV tomorrow about how you are feeling, it’s totally normal and lots of new Mums feel overwhelmed at this stay. The important thing is to get help

Thanks I have a HV visiting tomorrow morning so I'm going to speak to her about it. My husband has gone back to work now and I feel so lonely so much of the time and no one prepared me for the stress I would feel being a new Mum

I felt exactly the same as you. It’s so much harder being a mum to a newborn than I expected- every time my baby cried for an extended period of time (ten mins plus for me) i found it so hard to deal with. It’s a hard feeling to describe exactly but mostly made me feel helpless where I felt frozen and retreated into myself. After the event I would end up in tears.

The only things that made me feel better about dealing with my crying baby were support from family and friends, realising that babies crying is mostly their form of communication and as the Mum it will always hit you harder emotionally than other people (which is why it may seem like your friends and family deal better).

The final thing that was a massive help was talking to my health visitor and GP so I urge you to be as honest as possible. The more you talk about it the better. Plus they will be able to guide you through it.

For some practical advice though try mentally going through a checklist for comforting baby:

Nappy change?
Too hot/cold?
Over stimulated?
Tired?
Windy?
Hungry?

I was told always use food as the last one to try. Also trying skin to skin for those moments when she is settled will do you both the world of good.

Hope you feel better soon. I’m 12 weeks in now and already feel much more confident and comfortable with my baby when she crys.

So glad that you are going to speak to your HV. Some women feel like this for a long time before seeking help

The apni have a helpline which is open from 10am to 2pm today. How do you feel about giving them a call and talking through how you feel today?

It definitely gets better OP! You are doing a great job 

My DS was exactly like this when he was tiny but he quickly turned into the most placid content baby you can imagine. You have both been through quite a big shock, giving birth and meeting each other for the first time. Being a mum is a massive adjustment that I don't think anyone can be prepared for, so just give yourselves time to get to know each other and you'll work out how she ticks soon, I promise.

@PenguinJS has given a good list to work through when she is upset and I'd second skin to skin to calm her. I always think it's funny that you do it in hospital but not many people do it afterwards, it is extremely calming for the baby to feel you, hear you, smell you etc.

I also found when all else failed getting out of the house with DS in the pram helpful. He was always quite calm in the pram and I got some fresh air which helped clear my head. I always found it was actually better to get out when I'd had a terrible night, even though I was knackered I always felt better.

Please ask for help as well. It sounds like you have a good support network so don't be afraid to say that things are hard because people will often want to help but won't want to be overbearing.

Just worry about getting from one day to the next, so much changes so quickly when they are this age. Have faith that mum knows best and you're doing everything right.