Not settling at nursery - what would you do?

[aroha77]

Hi,

I'm meant to be going back to work after my second mat leave in a couple of weeks. Was looking forward to it because I love my job, it's only two days a week and my now 4 year old was pretty easy to settle into the lovely nursery that I'd booked my nearly 1 year old into.

I'm having serious second thoughts now!! We've been for 4 visits to nursery so far and every time they've had to call me back because he's been hysterical. He's super clingy to me all the time, cries even if I go to the loo while we're at a friend's.

I'm wondering whether I should see if I can have another year off work because I don't want him to be this upset for weeks and weeks till he settles 😭

What would you do? Any top tips welcome...

Did you stay with him for a while during those 4 visits? With my nursery the first visit I stayed with him the entire time then on next visit I left for a couple of minutes only and the next time for about 10 minutes etc so it was a gradual thing. Does he have a comforter of some kind that he could take to nursery? Mine used to take his favourite soft toy for the first month or so.
Although he cried the moment I left for a few weeks, he settled quickly once I’d gone (I used to check on him through the window). He was however 2 years old when he started and was never hysterical, and the nursery never called me back to collect him early due to him being upset, so I’m honesty not sure what I’d do in your situation. I’d probably struggle with that too!
But only you know your situation and whether another year off work is feasible/affordable.

I didn't go back to my full time job and opted to work part-time from home instead.

How old have just settling visits been? My DD started off with only 30 mins by herself at nursery.

Our nursery did settling sessions, 1 hour where you stay and play, couple of days later 1 hour without you, next two hours, then a half day morning, half day afternoon, then whole day (over two weeks total). Some nurseries do it over as many as 6 weeks. Ours used to take her favourite music bug toy for sleep time, now she takes one toy of her choice when she goes.

Following as my little one starts 3 days a week in September but have some settling in sessions and prior to starting she's very clingy also will cry if I leave the room for a minute. First time mum and worried also x

They go through phases of clinginess, mine was 9 months when she started nursery and I thought she'd hate it but she barely missed me, she used to cry briefly

When I was leaving but would stop as soon as I was out of sight, so now we just drop her off say bye quickly and go.

I would persevere and ask them what they are doing when you not there to try settle him

How often are the sessions at nursery? The more frequent the better. It is a tricky age for separation anxiety however if you persevere it should get better. Keep drop offs quick and breezy, and to be honest they really shouldn't call you back. When you are back at work it won't be possible to keep picking him up, he may have a few upset days but after this will settle.