SAHM'S - how much does your dp/dh do?

[cathcart]

half the time i'm doing this and that thinking 'oh, he's been at work all day', then the next minute i'm quietly seething at feeling i do everything.
i don't really, he does a bit of housework on his day off, and baths dd every other night, but i do get days when i think how come he is allowed two days off of his job but mine is 24 hours?

am i being a soft touch? or am i taking for granted that i am the lucky one as i love my job as a full time mummy and wouldn't swap places with him for any money you could offer.

My hubby doesn't do a thing.
During the week he comes home to eat and sleep only!

At the weekends he does nothing... at the most he might take the rubbish out!

So jelaous of those ladies whose parterns cook for them!

my dp cooks most nights
he will help with stuff around the house, doesn't tend to hoover much anymore but will clean the bathroom, hang washing out and do whatever he can to enable us to have nice time together.

PregnantG - i know, i used to have that surprised reaction when I worked full time and dh and I always split everthing 50/50 - we never discussed it at all, it was just what we did. Think thats why I'm wondering about this issue now that I'm off work.

My dh won't do anything either. He says its his job to earn the money and mine to do everything else. Having said that, he usually cooks for us a couple of times a week, dries up in the evenings and mows the lawn from time to time.

When DH is not at work he plays an active part in all tasks related to the house and children.

We both put children to bed, cook,load/empty dishwasher, vacuum, dust, load washing machine, hang washing out, shop for groceries, clean bathroom.

I do a higher percentage of these things during office working hours but all other times I have one of those DH's who doesn't know how to sit and do nothing. Sometimes I wish he would.

I'm not really a SAHM but I stayed at home for a year and now am only working 3 days a week. Our deal is:

Days when I am off and he is working I do everything, ie make his sandwiches, cook, wash up, tidy, washing etc. He just plays with DS and bathes him while I cook supper.

Days when we are both working and weekends: 50/50. Which he is very good about and never complains.

Just hope it lasts. It has to be combined with a lot of praise and when he does help out.
I also like to point out to him how badly I think BIL treats SIL (dh's sister) by not helping around the house at all (with 4 children). Dh then agrees heartily (he's not keen on BIL)and scurries away to do some token useful act.

My dh is my hero. He works for himself, always busy every day, sometimes evenings too. He is currently building our extension so does that in his spare time! On top of that he does loads with the dc, bathing, playing, putting to bed and generally helping around the house. He will also get up in the night with them if I am very tired, and have been up a lot already, although I have to wake him first! Also if I want a night out with the girls, I just have to let him knoew the date and that is fine with him. He is a star!

Ooh - I forgot to say that dh does clean the toilets, without needing asking (usually at the most inopportune moments when I need him to get dd out from under my feet so that I can dish up dinner, but if I moan I get told he just won't do them at all any more).

Cathcart - we could talk til we're blue in the face, it just won't make a difference (for more than a couple of days anyway).

He would be happy to pay for a cleaner, but the house is too much of a mess most of the time for a cleaner to actually get round, and I seem to be fighting a losing battle trying to get it into some sort of order to start with.

dp does nothing.

Very occasionally he will cook, but this is because he wants to, not because it needs doing, so it may happen at 10 o'clock at night, or straight after everyone's eaten.

He will tell you that he irons his clothes - what actually happens is that he intends to iron his clothes, but forgets, but amazingly, the clothes fairy has already put a freshly laundered and ironed shirt in his wardrobe

If, however, he complains about the place being dirty/messy/cluttered then I sit on my bum and refuse to move for a week. He has to do something then.

Oooh I wish mine would clean the loo without being asked! I'm just never satisfied! When ds was in nappies the deal was that if dh was home he changed them, after all I spent much more time at home changing them than he did anyway.

My dad never did anything in the house and I was determined not to end up having a husband like that. But it also helps that I have low standards so I don't care if things aren't done perfectly and I make sure I never buy anything white cos it won't be like that when it comes out of the wash!

My dp shares childcare equally when he is here and is always the one who gets up in the night if DD cries (although this is v rare - say maybe once a month). He mows the lawn but I do everything else around the house, cook, clean, iron, put rubbish out etc but I think that's fair enough - that's my job cos I'm at home and his is to earn the money. He would do stuff if I asked and is always happy to look after DD if I want to go out (although in reality I maybe go out on my own once every two months, and then only for a couple of hours).

My DP baths our DS every night - although I have to get him undressed and feed him. He cooks on Fridays, burger night -he likes to think he's Gordon Ramsey . Today he cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen as I was having a meltdown with a grumpy 6 month old . In return he has gone to the pub, so now I shall have a mad waxing, scrubbing, grooming session in the clean bathroom. Earlier he was asking for DIY chores to do, couldn't think of anything sadly. To be honest if I arm him with enought Cillit Bang he is happy to clean anything.

How about all the house admin, bill paying, DIY, car, garden stuff etc. I do most of the housework but (whilst working up to a "little chat") realised that DH does all of the above. Literally everything. 1950's family that we seem to be

DH works, thats about it. I run the house, the finances and the kids. Its just happened that way. He has his own business so he's pretty much tied up with that.

not much to be honest he will hoover, put washing in, never understands I want a lie in so sends the boys to keep checking I am awake!!!!!

He does cook tea though when he is here which is nice

I am now trying to teach him how to take the kids out of the house on his own!!!!!

I've been a sahm for 10 years. I've always thought that when dp isn't at work, I want him to be spending as much time with the children as possible, so he doesn't really do housework. He does cook though, everything every weekend. And some weeknights as well. He also does the main food shop. I suppose I think of it that his job is earning money, mine is keeping the home running and the children are our joint job. When the children were littler, we used to divide the weekends into 6, 2 mornings,two afternoons and two evenings, and dp and I were each entitled to 2 of those sessions off every weekend. Some dads have a bit of a hard time (mind you, lots have it easy!) and they need time when they arn't either working or dealing with children. Being at home can sometimes be grim, but being at work can be even grimmer, and without the lovely days in the park or cuddles on the sofa in front of cbbebies as compensation!

I've told a lie, he does cook spag bol if its on the menu

I think i am pretty lucky really. Dh gets up at 6 with the older two while i sort out the baby. He feeds them and then gets my tea and toast on. I get the kids dressed and ready for going to school. When he gets in dh does the bedtime story/games and milk/ pj routine with the older two while i sort out baby. He will hoover/tidy as and when it gets to the point it drives him nuts, and cooks most meals at the weekends. If asked he will sort the washing/drier out, but that can end in disaster so he only does that occasionally. He dosent "see" if anything else needs done, if i have had a hard week with the kids, but is more than happy to help out if i point him in the right direction.

DH works long hours and often weekends. Has also started studying. Does v.little. I used to get frustrated that everything was left down to me but recently have just started taking things easy. Priorities for me are making sure DS1 (17mths) and DS2 (3mths) are well cared for and that something is on for lunch/dinner and fridge full - courtesty of online grocery shopping. Also make sure i have clean, ironed clothes to pop on of a morning as i feel awful if not showered/dressed and ready before they wake - never get another chance otherwise. If I don't nap with the children might try and do some cleaning/decluttering or if ILs/parents are around to babysit get long awaited jobs done. Has been v.hard for me as i like my home to be ship-shape and running smoothly, do not like finding the bathroom a mess for example but realise there's no point in complaining. He pays all the bills and gives me money to spend on what I like. We go without nothing although we try to be frugal. So as one poster has said, what works for you, i.e. your arrangement with him is what will work best. In a nutshell, DH doesn't and will not do much, and as he pointed out before, if i could earn as much as DH and take on all his stresses to meet our outgoings each month he would gladly stay at home with the kids and do 'a bit of tidying' - he says i've got it good, lol and on a day like today is nothing better than sitting on the sofa with my little ones reading a book and relaxing. Sure beats the long hours and commuting. And if it ain't done - it can wait. An hour when kids are in bed should be enough for a quick run round. HTH and that i haven't done my usual waffling.