Bullying before he's even started school? - it's a long one

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DS starts school in September and I am a bit worried about how to deal with an older boy who clearly doesn't like him and 'out to get him'. They were at nursery together and this boy was the 'leader of the pack', ds being younger was full of admiration. He would often do naughty things because X had told him to, nursery staff and I decided to keep a watchful eye on things.

Last Sept X started school with my dd2, often at pick up times they'd all run around as a group and X would get very physical with ds. DS didn't like it, but at the same time idolised him, so it was difficult. Eventually one X punched ds very hard and I thought I'd have a word with his Mum. I think I was quite reasonable and said I was sure it was 6 of one, 1/2 dozen of the other and I'd talk to ds, but could she speak to X.

The next day she said that she had spoken to X, but he said that my ds asked him to punch him. It could have been true, so what could I say? So I just kept ds close by and he wasn't alowed to be a part of the group playing together.

This morning ds has been to school for a getting ready to start in Sept session, which included going out to play. The first thing that happened was X told ds to bite his sister, ds told me and I praised him for not doing it. Then X gathered a group of 3 other boys and they chased ds around the playgroud shouting 'we;re going to get you'. Luckily ds is fast!

I am worried about this, I was in the playground, so obviously was aware of what was going on, but so were 30 other parents and obviously the usual staff. No one else saw it because I'm sure it just looked like playing. The last thing I want is ds being put off school before he even starts. Also when he does start I really don't want x's gang of naughty boys as dd2 and the girls in that class call them setting against ds.

I did talk to the teacher and she thanked me for talking to her and said she'd keep an eye. What else can I do? Talk to the Mum again, who is hard work at the best of times? Talk to ds, but what to say? Give this X evil stares? Get dd1 and dd2 to keep a look out for ds? Help!

I am a reception class teacher, and in my opinion all that you need to do is speak to his class teacher. Any unkind behaviour is not tolerated in my class, and if children can't play nicely outside then they miss their play. We have children who come in a bit wild, but they soon learn what is acceptable, and that te rules are firm but fair, and always enforced. Just have a little chat with her, and I am sure you will feel better .

Wow, X sounds a right thug in the making!

I'd suggest waiting until the beginning of term and reminding the teacher then of her undertaking to keep an eye on him. Speak both to X's teacher and ds's teacher to get a two-pronged attack. If the mother is difficult, I'd leave talking to her for the moment (she sounds hopeless - if my child had said that another child had asked him to punch him, I'd still have told him not to do it in future as it's unacceptable behaviour - or where will it lead? 'So and so asked me to knife him - so I did' - honestly!) - If there are future incidents it'd be best to ask the school to speak to her (I saw too many fights between parents at dd's junior school, and they tended to exacerbate the situation!) Evil stares at X might not help - X probably thrives on attention.

If the teachers don't seem to be effective, see the head.

If ds isn't intimidated by X, you could just carry on as you have done - talk to him about not following the herd, make sure he makes his own group of friends with invites home etc. so X can't single him out. And as you have two dds in the school, it won't do any harm to put them on 'little brother watch'.

But don't suggest that dds1 & 2 have a physical go at X either - just tell them to keep an eye on ds and report back to you if anything untoward happens. (In my day, just having an older sibling in the same school helped deter bullying - how I wish I'd had one!)

I would voice your concerns to the head and ask her to have a word with the mum as she obviously isn't taking you seriously.

Ask the class teacher to keep them separated.

Invite other boys round to your house to play so that your ds breaks his idolisation of this boy and starts to play with other boys.

It will pass and this other boy will find another victim, but I think his mum should be notified about his behaviour by the teachers.

Thank you, it's hard not to get emotional he's my baby and I can't believe he's going to school soon without this going on too.

Dd2 is useless at sticking up for her brother, they are compatative with each other. DD1 will look out for him, X also has a brother in the same class as DD1 - so he isn't alone either. Neither dd will get physical - they just aren't that type.

Think your right, mention it again in Sept and I will resist the urge to strangle X or even evil stares.

Honestly you have to break the bond your ds has with him, which means unfortunately that you have to take a deep breath and invite some other brats over for a "playdate".

I had to do this with ds recently. He's in nursery and idolises this other little boy who, whilst not being a bully is very naughty. But ds would cry if the other boy wasn't there and I had a job to get him to nursery on those days. So I started arranging playdates and now he has other friends that he talks about and he talks less about the naughty one.

Job done I reckon!