How do you stop a child becoming spoilt?

[Thistledew]

I'm learning that I am rubbish at saying No to DS, who is nearly 2. The big stuff is fine - I don't have a problem saying No when it comes to a matter of safety or standards of behaviour, but is it is in relation to buying stuff that I feel that I don't have a clear plan of action.

I find it difficult to say No to him if he sees something in a shop and asks for it. I'm not talking about anything extravagant- it is usually a toy vehicle that costs less than £5 - or even less if we are in a charity shop.

I do only agree to something I know he will play with lots, and if there is more than one thing that he wants I try to encourage him to chose (and will buy) only one thing.

I am fortunate that I can comfortably afford to buy him what he wants, but I don't want him to take it for granted that he will be bought something and I don't want him to end up with a massive pile of toys. I do try to avoid places (or areas of the shop) that sell things that he will want but this is not always possible. It is not every day either - maybe once a fortnight or so that he ends up with something new.

On the other hand, I don't want him to be denied everything he wants. How do you strike the balance between wanting to give your DC the moon on a stick and wanting them to grow up not taking material acquisition for granted? What are your strategies for dealing with this?

My two 'earn' rewards with a star chart, they know not to whine for things until they have got enough stars. I don't think a couple of quid on a good toy every fortnight isn't that bad to be honest!

When dd was little i would give her a budget of £2. Pocket money in exchange for jobs is the gold standard.

For me, part of it is how the child asks and what their expectation is that makes them spoilt or not. Can they accept the word no (reasonably) gracefully?? My 7yo goddaughter will ask, but she never expects it always to be a yes and whilst sometimes she will be upset it's a no; she has never "kicked off" about it or threw a tantrum. For me, that's a key sign she's respectful, humble and not spoilt I guess

My dd is almost 2 and wants everything she sees. But I think it's completely reasonable to say no and explain she doesn't need it for reasons such as we have a toy like that, we have lots of other toys at home, we are having lunch/just about to have lunch, we need to leave it for another child.
She doesn't seem to be that bothered when she's distracted by something else.
I think it's better for them to be told no and for them to understand they can't have what they want all the time than to avoid places in fear of having to not say yes to their every whim.

I have started nominally giving DS pocket money for doing tasks such as emptying or loading the washing machine, watering plants etc. I had assumed that he was too young to grasp the concept of money and prices, but maybe he could start to understand it in simple terms.

We are trying for natural consequences discipline at the moment so star charts aren't a thing.

We don't use star chart for discipline, they are for rewards for doing something extra, for instance ds has to have an inhaler he really doesn't like so he gets stars for using it and when he has enough he gets a treat. It's not dissimilar to pocket money, just stars as currency and when they have enough they get something. My ds only really 'got' it at nerarer 3.5 though.

To be honest I think if you're aware of it and thinking about it now you probably won't spoil your child. Some of the people I know who have spoilt dc almost made a conscious decision to spoil them. Lots of 'oh let them have it! They're only little!' and not wanting their dc to miss out on anything ever. Or they simply never dealt with tantrums other than giving in.

You need to be consistent - if you buy him what he wants some of the time, he won't understand why you say no another time.

Make a rule and stick to it. Maybe he can have something on a particular day of the week, or if you go into the supermarket and tell him he can choose something if he is really good while you are shopping. That kind of thing.