Sleep issue with 5 month old - Driving me absolutely mad. PLEASE HELP!

[owltrousers]

DS is 5 months old, we've had the regression, we've had teething (for now) and recently he's been semi settled sleeping through some nights and generally going down easy at 6.30pm every night.

For the past 2-3 weeks I'd say he is doing this thing where he will not go down into his cot after being held - he springs awake and cries and thrashes. You can walk around the room with him and he will fall asleep (or appear restful) in your arms within 5 minutes but as soon as he is laid down however carefully he wakes up.

He has white noise on along with a lullaby and a fan in his room, he also has a blackout blind.

We've tried :
Sleepyhead / no sleepyhead
books under end of cot for a more upright position
blanket down so its a warmer bed to go into
wrapped in a muslin in our arms and then put down (idea is he might not notice)
rocking/moving the sleepyhead once he's in it so he might think he's still being rocked in our arms

I'm starting to get really fed up. Bed time is a massive fight and takes up to 2 hours and my back is absolutely killing from all the walking around / picking up / putting down. Whats more, he will never go down for DH, only ever for me! As soon as you pick him up he is asleep again pretty much. Its like he simply wants to be held to sleep - something that is not possible!

I'm tempted to try CIO but not sure where to start. Can anyone advice / help? I'm kind of losing my mind.

Please don’t CIO. I would wait until 6 months and do CC. It sounds similar to my dd and that’s what I had to do. It worked a dream (although we’re at 8-10 month regression now which is a pile of laughs!)

And if you do want to do any sleep training before 6 months look into pick up put down.

I have a 10 month old and we are in exactly the same situation and I am exhausted. Sympathies!!

Sounds like my DD, very keen startle reflex and once she went into the big cot and we had to lower it I couldn’t put her down without waking her (she feeds to sleep).
We got rid of the cot and just have a floor bed (the cot mattress on the floor). I feed her then lay her down and she has a little wriggle but settles to sleep. It’s worked really well for us.

My babies are in a cot next to our bed until 6 months so I lie on the bed with my arm through the cot bars and hold their hand. They do cry at first but you can hand hold or pat/stroke so they know you're there. It takes a few nights but if you're consistent they will eventually self settle. The problem with rocking to sleep is he won't learn to self settle. I don't advovate leaving them alone to cry at all. It can damage attachments and cause anxiety.

@KatyP1975 Thank you.

Before all this weird holding / walking routine came into play we found that he slept way better in his own room, waking much less. Which is why we made the leap early.

I've read that babies can't self settle til 6 months anyway, so I might just have to wait til then.

Don’t sleep train till he’s at least one is the general advice.

Dd was like this, I used to rock her in her pram with white noise blaring and then transfer to cot when fast asleep. A week after she turned one I’d had enough, and so put her cot in my room, put her in it and laid on the bed where she could see me. She shrieked at me furiously for 45 minutes the first time, but I was right there so nothing awful happened to her. After 2 days I could put her in and she’d just go to sleep. It was magical! It’s all gone tits up now due to 18 month sleep regression, but oh well.

So my crap advice is to try and wait it out till he’s older (which is hideous I know) and then go for some gentle sleep training.

I’d give up on the rocking/holding and transfer technique as it doesn’t sound as though it’s working. Can you change your routine?
Calm quiet bedtime/dark room. Nice lights (fairy lights or projector etc) and story in the cot. Then lights off and stroke/pat to sleep. Pick up and cuddle when upset but put back into the cot when calm and before they try to settle in your arms. Prepare for the change to take a week and be consistent every day no matter how long it takes

Perhaps @InNeedOfALieInNow ! Tbh I'm willing to try anything.

What about if he seems wide awake when laid in the cot? this is often the problem with him.

We all get into bed awake and have to lie quietly/calmly until we fall asleep. It’s something he can learn - it’s not self settling as such as you’re helping him to settle - but it is changing his sleep crutch from being your arms to being something else (soft lights/music/white noise/patting/shushing). Any change with a baby isn’t easy - he’s going to protest because you’re taking away what he knows he needs to fall asleep, but that’s fine provided you’re there to comfort and calm him as he works through the change and learns he can also fall asleep this way

The only other option seems to be to hold him for much longer (twenty mins) after he falls asleep in your arms until he’s in a much deeper sleep for transfer.

My LO (5 months) is the same, but i leave her to cry and settle herself. Sometimes i have to go up once if she gets hysterical but normally its just moaning crying and she drifts off in 5 mins or so, then sleeps through till 7am. We put her down at 7pm.

I have started to do a proper bedtime routine-bath, story, milk, bed so she has a chance to wind down and get sleepy and that seems to be helping

We have never used any white noise and her room is pitch black with blackout blinds and curtains

Did CC for naps- never needed to do it for sleep.

BUT- baby never cried for more than 4 mins before sleeping and it wasn't that desperate cry that they do.

Now- naps like a dream.

Just wanted to report back! So we tried the 'ferber' sleep training method last night, where you put baby in cot and settle them for bed, leave and then when they cry you wait 3 mins then go in and resettle without picking up. Then you wait 5 mins next time they cry, then 10 and 10 for any wake ups beyond that.

It worked like a charm! I am shocked. We did the bath, bottle, story, cuddle then laid him down. He stirred for a bit then cried, did the 3 min, cried again, did the 5 min, cried again. It was just coming up to 10 min and then he settled himself and went to sleep. He slept til 3am when I went in and fed him, then he settled himself straight away and slept again til 7.30!

I've just used the same method for his afternoon nap and he's asleep after the 3 min settle.

I can't believe how good I feel from way more sleep and less rocking!