3mo desperately hates car/seat HELP!

[MeAgain91]

My 3 month old baby has screamed murder every single time he’s been in his cabriofix, from the very day he was taken home from the hospital. I’ve missed 5 very necessary hospital appointments, and avoided making countless more. Today I’m on the brink of tears and almost broke up with DH! Baby started screaming so much his saliva went sticky and we had to pull over quick so he wouldn’t choke! A 45 minute journey home from a family day out took over 2 hours with 4 stops. When I took him out he was sweating despite having windows/fan and air con etc wearing only a vest. He threw up everywhere and I had to get DH to pull over so I could comfort breastfeed DS and then put him in the sling and walk the 15 minutes home in agony as I have physical impairments. DH was stressing as he didn’t know why baby was so upset. I sit next to DS in the back to calm him and nothing works. Me Tumble worked for a few minutes. He won’t take a bottle or dummy at all. I’ve got all the toys in the world for him and it’s not working. I feel like the worst parent in the world and I’m scared to take him out again, ever. I’ve checked the seat over a hundred times and there’s nothing wrong with it. DH likes to just say repeatedly that the car seat “is just shit”.

He will scream even if he was fast asleep or laughing and smiling when he was put in the car

My dd went through a similar phase, she grew out of it, but it was super stressful.

I mean, it could be the car seat and that he’s uncomfortable. Do you have a friends seat you could borrow to try and see if it makes a difference. I suspect it won’t but it would be a shame to miss something so simple.

Have you tried timing drives for when nap is due? I had to do that.

Just to check as well that he doesn’t have reflux which could be made worse when laying in car seat?

Is there a newborn insert that could be making him uncomfortable? Dd1 went through a phase of disliking the car and it turned out to be that. But if it's from birth is it possible for a baby to have travel sickness? Hopefully another MN will be able to let you know!

My DD was exactly the same. She didn't stop until she was forward facing, and turned out to suffer from travel sickness.

Every journey in her early months was hell.

We do have a Graco Milestone in the loft, I’ve asked DH to get it out to see if that’s it.

He did have reflux type thing and he’s a windy baby but that’s never the issue upon getting him out of the seat, he just wants a cuddle and a feed (even if he’s had a huge feed 10 minutes prior)

I’m not leaving the house and it’s getting to me. With DS1 I was out everywhere on buses and trains from newborn and now if I can get a pint of milk it’s an achievement for the week. He’s only just started tolerating his beautiful big pram. Sometimes. Not for long though. I’m exhausted and I just want to cry but it’s not gonna help.

dc was the same.
we had to get a different infant car seat.

Is it possible to have travel sickness from birth? He’s not sick with it, only when he got himself worked up earlier. I’m sure the newborn insert is uncomfortable for him as he just doesn’t look quite right, maybe his chin too far down, but it’s all in there correctly. He’s too small to take it out anyway

There are some lie flat car seats - I don't know if they'd be any help. They are quite expensive but you can rent them online. I've never used one, just saw a recommendation here.

www.madeformums.com/reviews-and-shopping/6-best-lie-flat-car-seats-from-birth/31770.html

What’s he like in general when u put him down in cot/Moses basket etc? Does he cry then or is it specifically the car seat?
My dd1 was like this first few months ok if she went to sleep but ever put down anywhere awake would just cry! It’s awful Trying to drive with screaming baby! Have you tried putting car seat in front seat when your on your own? You can’t stop going out because of it though - if it’s short distances you’ll just have to put the radio on and have a sing song he’ll get over it!

This is probably a silly question but have you run you hands over the seat to check there is not a sharp edge, badly stitched area etc that could be upsetting him. Sorry probably a silly suggestion but might be worth checking!

I’ll look into the lie flat one thank you, but our Ford Kuga is surprisingly short on space!

I can’t let him cry, what if he chokes? He gets so worked up I worry he’s gonna stop breathing!

I don’t drive myself and tbh think my DH would flap too much if DS started crying.

I even took the cover off and washed it, felt it all over and it’s absolutely fine!

DH actually said he doesn’t think he can have more kids after today!! I remember ds1 hating his infant car seat and getting better when turned forwards, but it was ok to turn them much earlier then and I obviously want ds2 RF as long as possible

What about trying an iPad or phone as a distraction? Introducing screens at 3mo obviously isn't great but I'll use them as a last resort like on a flight.

Mine did this. I think it stopped about 6 months.
(She's 16 now). She did have colic but I think it was a separation/attachment thing.

We just rode it out. It did stop eventually.

@sunrise888 I caved today 😩 Mr Tumble’s nursery rhyme playlist bought us about 5 minutes each way. Even when he’s exhausted he won’t sleep in the car seat, he did once today and that’s only because we couldn’t pull over in time while he was crying 😭 I feel horrendous, he’s so tiny.

Has anyone’s LO ended up unwell? He was red and soaked with sweat and looked like he was gonna choke, I can’t bear it!

Thank you all so much for your ideas btw, even having someone to talk to or knowing I’m not alone is a godsend. Really and truthfully.

My son was like this. What I found helped was making sure journeys coincided with him being full and ready for a nap then no more than 30 minutes after he woke up. I had a Tomy musical toy that light up and moved around that I clipped to the head rest that used to help massively. What about trying one of those fixed base seats that are rear facing? Just thinking they have a lot more room than a baby carry seat and are higher up a bit so he might feel a bit less restricted. My son preferred this more x

He won’t choke from crying, just got himself into a state - he’s probably really pissed off ‘she’s normally picked me up by now what the hell is she playing at ’

I feel for you so much. My DD was exactly like this - I was basically trapped in my town unable to drive anwhere for more than 5 minutes. It was incredibly traumatic. She also hated sleeping on her back and would scream until I helped her roll onto her front. I then ended up watching her sleep for hours scared she would stop breathing. My only suggestion is the lie flat option or stay at home/ walk everywhere. It was grim but that’s what we did. I relied on food deliveries and local amenities until about 9 months when things began to improve. I think the sitting position caused her pain but I never solved the problem. She just grew out of it.

That’s a great idea, I didn’t know if it’s safe to have toys on the head rest? I hope mothercare will take a return for the milestone, it’s unopened from 6 months ago but I want a joie every stage instead for extended rear facing - thought the milestone already did!

He does! He looks right into my soul eyes as if to say “mummy why don’t you want to cuddle me? 😭😭 he’s so small and beautiful

Music always calms my DS in the car. Have you tried putting him in the seat in the house to find out if it's the seat or the motion that upsets him? Even I feel sick travelling backwards so I feel heartily sorry for babies.

@inneedofglasses I feel you! I even just want to walk around Aldi once a month - my standards for a good time have dropped considerably!

I always make sure he’s fed, burped, changed and usually sleeping before I even attempt it.

Always try music, no no avail. Around 50% of the time he cries when out into the car seat even indoors and the other 50% he starts when we start. I agree, cars are so unnatural for babies especially being out of mum’s arms and then going backwards on top of that!

I’ve only ever been able to eat him weighed once 😩 DH insists on driving when really the sling and a bus is probably better. He’ll just mansplain tell me that I’m wrong, the bus is worse. Saying that, he’s now told me that he’s not taking me and baby anywhere again!!

*get him weighed. Not eat him weighed. I do have the odd nibble of a leg roll but that’s besides the point

DD2 was not as bad but similar. She's 18mo now and has improved a lot - sorry, long way to go!

If we had to travel any distance we would time it so we would be leaving before she needed a nap. I'd make sure she had a clean nappy and a full feed and then go. She would always wake up after 30 min though. The only way to calm her down would be to BF her in the car seat while DH carried on driving. Incredibly uncomfortable for me but it shut her up for a bit and stopped her getting hysterical.