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Parenting

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Had a big argument with girlfriend's mum

8 replies

Pantana90 · 23/06/2018 11:04

Last week me and my pregnant girlfriend invited her mother to come with us to the hospital for one of our scans. Everyone was happy on the car journey home then we started discussing names. Her mum kept saying names we didn't like, prompting my girlfriend to say "it'll be our choice, we decide".

I said two names that had been in my mind and gf's mum replied "well my f**kin grandchild won't be called those names". I didn't like this so replied, in the same tone that we had been rejected her name suggestions, "well you don't get a say, we decide".

She flipped out and started calling me every name under the sun, it was utterly vile. F word, B word, C word, and she actually punched me in the arm. About 10 seconds I realised what I said and that it did sound a bit disrespectful and I immediately apologised, saying I didn't mean for it to come out like that and was very sorry - but that didn't work and she just kept going. I had to use all my willpower not to scream back, but I did say to her "who the F do you think you're talking to?" She kept saying "I don't know what you see in him" to my gf and she threatened to kill me. I said "Out of respect to you I won't say what I really want to, please control yourself".

This only caused my gf stress and I want an apology. I've been told I will never get an apology and we'll just avoid seeing each other. We seldom see each other anyway, and didn't have much of a relationship anyway, so it's not a big deal. However, I now have doubts over whether I want my child around someone like this. If she continue to abuse me in the future (something which is probable), I will not allow her to see her grandchild. My dad told me taking this stance is very extreme , but I'm the father and I should be respected. If I'm subject to abuse, i won't stand it. Should I do this or just let any future awkwardness go over my head? This will be our first child, my mother has passed away, so I don't want to have my child around someone so venemous. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
ferntwist · 23/06/2018 11:17

Wow, she sounds toxic. I understand you not wanting her around your child. Does your girlfriend say she has form for doing this before?

Branleuse · 23/06/2018 11:23

wow thats all very extreme. What did your girlfriend say

SomeKnobend · 23/06/2018 11:44

She's a real cunt. Sod an apology, you'll never get one anyway but it'd be pretty meaningless, she's shown you what sort of person she is. I would not see her again and nor would my child.

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NorthernSpirit · 24/06/2018 13:22

She sounds vile. She has no rights as a grandparent to see the child. You and your partner can decide. You need to decide if it’s in the best interests of the child to have a relationship with her.

Urbanbeetler · 24/06/2018 13:24

Your partner has a say in this too though, right?

ChristmasTablecloth · 24/06/2018 13:26

Goodness me. I thought people only behaved like this on Jeremy Kyle.

littlerocketman · 24/06/2018 15:41

Depending on what she's been like before and assuming that your DP and you are united, I might give her one last chance on the clear understanding that any repeat of the verbal/physical abuse and the relationship is over.

I would really, really steer clear of coming to a firm position on your own, without your DP. Don't put her, as a new mum, in a position where she's caught in the middle. Your key role is to support her. If you fail at that, it will probably be more damaging for your baby than anything this MIL could do (especially if you rarely see her).

But I would guess that your DP is horrified by her mum's behaviour and will agree that someone who continues to be physically and verbally abusive cannot be around a child. A child needs an environment that you can pretty much guarantee will be free from any hint of that. It doesn't like your MIL will be able to pull her socks up but your DP might need a little longer to see that.

ellaV · 24/06/2018 16:02

I've been told I will never get an apology and we'll just avoid seeing each other. We seldom see each other anyway, and didn't have much of a relationship anyway, so it's not a big deal.

Im sure it's a big deal to your pregnant gf.

I don't think you should apologise at all, she sounds hideous, but I do think you and your gf's mum shouldn't put your gf in this position.

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