What do you do when your baby won’t stop crying?

[FranticallyPeaceful]

Hi everyone,
I have a 4 week old and sometimes he just doesn’t stop crying no matter what I do. I’m constantly worried about how the cortisol he’s releasing will do his brain permanent damage or changes and I fall into an anxiety loop I can’t escape.

What do you do when your baby won’t stop crying? I change it and constantly run around like a headless chicken but should I be trying the same thing and just hugging him/rocking etc until he stops, or should I be trying different things to get him to stop? Usually he tires himself out as I’m doing the headless chicken dance trying various things but I’m worried he’s crying so much it will cause him damage.

This is stupid probably,and this is my third child, I always slip into an ocean of anxiety with a newborn I just don’t know how to deal with a baby that I can’t figure out what’s wrong (there doesn’t seem to be anything other than being over stimulated/over tired)

Make sure all his physical needs are met. STOP the headless chicken dance, you panicking will be making him worse. I did all this with my first but I thought about it a lot in between babies, and my motto for baby #2 is 'babies cry'. Keep him upright maybe in a sling and reassure, but don't panic. Crying in arms is not the same as being left alone in a room to scream. I sort of let it wash over me. I think it made such a massive difference with ours (and definitely my stress levels).

My DD usually gets like this when she's overtired and I know this sounds really soppy, but we cuddle and I tell her how much I love her and how beautiful she is and I just hold her in my arms until she calms down. If she goes full blown nuclear, I'll give her a dummy and rock her, but this doesn't happen that often.

Sometimes, and not very often, if I’d checked baby wasn’t wet, dirty, hungry, hot or cold, I put the baby down in their cot, shut the door, and made myself a cup of tea. If you’re getting to breaking point and you haven’t got help, this is by far the best thing you can do for both of you, as your little one will be safe in their cot, and you can take ten minutes to regain your sanity.

Then, if baby is still crying, go back in and try the usual tricks, rocking, feeding to sleep, white noise (you can download this from iTunes and it’s fab), singing, patting, shhing.

I used to find co-bathing was the only thing that would work sometimes. Be sure to exclude medical reasons though. I too was terrified of the long term damage but 2 years down the line there doesn't appear to be any

If my daughter got like this as a small baby and I’d tried everything else I would try a skin to skin cuddle, it always calmed her down.

Strip us both off and get into bed or the bath for a skin to skin cuddle or breastfeed when things were really bad
And carrying them around in a stretchy sling

hang in there. It will get better

My baby was like this and it was so weary. If baby is fed, clean, winded, not ill then there is nothing to do but cuddle. It's exhausting but it will pass. Take turns if you have a partner.

I used to put subtitles on the TV and describe what was happening to my DD in a reassuring tone... "ooh Ross is saying he is on a break.. Rachel won't like that..." Sounds crazy but it was distracting for me and occasionally quieted the baby.

My son used to get like this, I’d strip him and my top and then cuddle him/feed him like that until he calmed down. You are doing a great job ❤️Just hold him, jiggle him and get through one day at a time

Studies say the stress isn't anywhere near as bad when the baby is held by a loving caregiver.

If he's clean and fed he just needs you.

Definitely what the3 said if it all gets too much! It won’t damage him occasionally.

If mines in a rage I put him on my shoulder and pat him firmly on the back whilst swaying and shhing in his ear. Seems to calm him down

Put them in the pram and go for a walk. Turn the Hoover on (white noise). Or cry, cry and bounce, and then bounce some more, I got very toned thighs after my first baby. May try the cup of tea thing with the next one.

yes, not hungry, not windy, put them in pram or babycarrier and pace, either outside in nature (it helped me to get out the house) or indoors if it is late etc.

They do just cry sometimes, especially the first 12 weeks for colicky reasons, both of mine were especially bad in the 4pm-Midnight/1am range.

Don't get downhearted, it is normal at this stage

Stop stressing about the cortisol and step away from all baby advice websites for the next few months. Remember that they have a vested interest in making you worried so you will keep going back to them. It’s just crying - we’ve all been there and it didn’t hurt us. He knows you’re there and that you love him and just holding him, talking and stroking his head will calm him even if he’s still noisy.

Go through the checklist

• nappy clean
• been fed
• no fever
• no part of his body sore or a hair stuck anywhere

He’s probably tired. Just bounce him in front of the tv if he’s too tired to calm himself. He will probably be asleep in 5 minutes. If not, start the checklist again.

Are you breastfeeding or bottle feeding? If former mine always fell asleep on the breast lying down in bed next to me, feeding while I was lying on my side. If it’s a bottle then DD would relax having this upright in her bouncer with the TV on. And that’s a girl who cried solidly for almost the first 4 months of her life. It’s a last resort but saved my sanity.

Try some noise, washing machine, vac, music.

One thing that sometimes worked when nothing else did for both mine was going outside into the fresh air for 5 minutes (well wrapped up if cold obviously), perhaps it was just the change of setting or temperature but it often calmed them enough that the bouncing/singing/white noise or whatever else we were trying would actually work after a bit of fresh air.

I used to put the washing machine on, and plonk the baby in front of it. Works like magic. I think it must be the noise.
(Washing machine was in the kitchen)

I put her in her pram with a dummy if she will take it. Snuggle her in with a thin blanket and put white noise on as loud as it will go and tuck it down the side of the pram then rock her backward and forward in my living room. My little one is now 5 months old and it's worked since birth. I think every baby is different though x

I remember when my boy was little, one night I tried everything - bath, feed, bounce. Eventually I put him in the baby bjorn (not everyone's favourite carrier, but it worked for us) and just sort of slow danced, whilst singing whatever gentle songs came to my mind. It still took a while to get him to calm down and go to sleep, but he did eventually go off.

Sometimes they just gt overtired and you just have to ride it out with them. It's not pleasant, but as others have said; you're there, he knows you're there, he knows he's not alone. The rest just takes time for him to get to the right place for sleeping.

Going for a walk would calm us both down!

i remember the nights though where just nothing worked. You need to add another point, that sometimes time is all that works, you have to get through it. Mine aren't scarred for life. The newborn days are a proper challenge.

With DS, I just tried to calm myself down and work through everything methodically, so too hot/cold, hungry, tried, wet, bored. Sometimes he just seemed to want a good cry!

A lot of nights we ended up sitting in front of the washing machine watching the brightest clothes I could find going round and round. Baby TV on sky used to distract him from being upset too, so I used that when I was really desperate!

There's a quote from King Lear that always helped me - 'When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools'.

It helped me remember that this is just what they do sometimes and, as long as everything else is ok in the checklists above, you can just chalk it up to their existential angst.

We used to bounce on one of those big inflatable balls, it's an easy way to rock the baby while still sitting down and gives you a bit of a fidget activity too! Generally nothing much worked. (He was overstimulated/overtired and couldn't sleep.)

Many, many people pulled out every professional trick they knew to try to calm him down in the early days. It got to be quite comical. Nothing ever worked. But that bouncing ball was soothing for both of us.

As soon as he started crawling he was much happier and he grew into the easiest toddler who could entertain himself for long periods of time (for a toddler haha). He also learned how great sleep is. He is a relaxed and mellow boy now, very gentle and sweet, does well at school. And he is one of those people who falls asleep as soon as his head touches the pillow - I'm so jealous!

So if the cortisol did any harm the effects are certainly not apparent .

How are YOU? You gave birth four weeks ago, I bet you're feeling pretty overtired yourself!

rain that's lovely. I love the imagery of declaiming shakespeare to a crying newborn, I wish I was having another to try this!

Breastfeeding always seemed to do the trick for me. Even if they weren't hungry, it was just the comfort, I guess.

Others swear by putting the baby in the car and going for a drive.