MIL has no common sense

[katers85]

My MIL loves my daughter but often leaves me with anxiety and panic. When my daughter was born. She had this odd way of holding her by her knees, not supporting her head. (How I imagine a toddler would hold a doll). She used to wake her up when she was sleeping by vigarosly patting her, as she wanted to play or would shout at her when I was trying to get her to sleep and look confused when she’d cry and try and give me tips to get get her to sleep. She’d give her teeny tiny lego to play with and tried to push her around in a rusty wheelbarrows with bolts sticking out when she was only a few months old. As she got older she left her to play at the top of the stairs, would be “looking after her” but get distracted and would put she down somewhere / walk off. MIL and FIL have often lost their other two grandchildren and managed to lose my daughter when I went to the toilet in a garden centre when she was a year old. Luckily I know what they were like so im always watching in the background, able to retrieve my forgotten child when they get distracted. I was hoping over time they/she would get better but unfortunately not. We went to zoo at weekend, she pulled her off my husbands shoulders without warning, almost causing an accident and sat her on top of the wall of the elephant enclosure, despite the warning signs and obvious danger. I’ve always had the advantage of being able to watch my MIL and FIL and correct the situation quickly but it’s tiring and they seem completely oblivious to their actions. I now have another baby on the way and wonder how I am going to observe these oddity’s to the same degree. My husband hates conflict and despite mentioning a few things he steers away from dealing with the danger. I often am the one to ask her to stop but she is partly deaf and I feel she plays on this. If she doesn’t want to listen, she simply ignores me. They have never babysat, despite living very locally. However my husband does go round once a week for a play date. However I’m aware he now lets them take her to the park on their own. He wants to have the perfect grandparents but I don’t feel common sense can be taught.

Well, you need to safeguard your child. We don’t let my PILs look after our 6 year old alone, or drive him anywhere, which has made us unpopular with my SILs — it’s age and befuddlement, not lack of common sense in my PILs case, but the risks are similar.

My fil is rather elderly because both him and dh are older Dad's, he keeps suggesting that he looks after ds (lively 19 months) yer right never ever happening. He is lovely but clueless and would not judge dangers (stairs, medication) could not pick up and carry ds/change his nappy. He also doesn't believe in allergies and despite being told repetitively that milk will make ds very poorly and could even result in an ambulance/death thinks that 1 biscuit won't do him any harm.

The things you describe in your post are rather terrifying. How can your DH be ok with the possible risk of death or injury that his parents have exposed your child to?

I’d stop DH taking the little one around unless he can promise to always be there and keeping an eye on them. If she can’t take your wishes seriously, I’d be cutting down dramatically on the time she spends with your DC too.

Katers85 - I think my husband likes to rose tint the situation and he would hate them to stop seeing their granddaughter. I wouldn’t want to limit supervised contact either but it’s the fact he doesn’t want to see the dangers and has often suggested we give them more chances. The thing is I wouldn’t say they are “elderly”, they are very active and social. They just appear to lack any common sense / sense of danger. Thanks for advice / sharing similar concerns.

In view of what you've said I wouldn't leave my child unsupervised with her and certainly would not allow her to take her to the park alone.

I have similar concerns about my ILs My SIL took my 3yo to the park at the weekend. I said I would meet her there in 5 min while I got my toddler ready, as I didn't trust her to look after my child in the way I expect but figured it would be fine for 5 min. Just as I was leaving she called to say she was no longer in the park but was taking my 3yo to get an icecream. SIL, MIL and FIL had put my 3yo in the car without a car seat and driven off. I went ballistic to say the least.

Well, the answer is simple. Don't let them be responsible for your child. Ever.

Have they not seen the news articles with children being killed because idiots are sitting them on walls at the zoo?

Were they like this when your DH was little?

Katers85- I often wonder how they kept my DH alive ! I l knew they were laid back but not dangerous. I don’t feel I can leave her unsupervised with them, however my husband wants them to help out and likes them taking her to park (I only find out this has happened afterwards). They ask on a weekly basis to look after LG, I just say no you’re ok - it’s gets tiring repeatedly saying no and I wish we could draw a line under it or my husband would be blunt as to why we don’t allow them to. However they don’t understand at all that I think they’re a hazard. I think they just think I don’t leave her with anyone- I leave her with my parents a lot.