Please help me sort DS' (2) bedtime

[APocketfulOfStars]

I'm at the end of my tether.
DS is 2.2. I've recently night weaned him but he still feeds to sleep. I'm hoping to crack this very soon as I'm pregnant with no. 2. However, bedtimes over the last month or so are horrendous. It's a constant cycle of boob, stories, boob, water, hungry, boob, mummy go away, mummy stay, mummy this side of the bed, no not that side, boob... I can't bear it. I've tried leaving the room, he gets up and plays. I've tried ignoring him, I usually end up falling asleep, and he gets up and plays. Tonight has been particularly bad. I've just sent DH in and now DS is hysterical because he wants me.
I can't get him to eat any more food before going to bed. I've tried slightly later. I now aim for sleep at 8/8.30 but it's usually nearer 9. He wakes at 5.45 most mornings, so he's only getting about 9 hours sleep a night. I'm reluctant to quit feeding him to sleep as I just think that will mean an even worse/later bedtime, but I'm desperate to stop now.
What can I do?? Is this a developmental phase? Thanks!

My 2.5 year old is really reacting to’big girl’ things.. so dropping her dumm during the day, having a duvet etc.
I would try that big boys go to sleep on their own as really hype that up.
I can’t advise on feeding to sleep as neither of mine did that but I do remember teaching them to go to sleep and itMs tough but obviously a big skill to nail.
Good luck

Is there a reason bed time is so late? Could he be overtired and therefor a bit wired? Honestly at that age I'd be aiming for 11-12 hours sleep at night so if he's consistently up by 6am then I'd be trying to have him in bed by 6.30 and asleep by 7. I find my DC go to bed much easier if I can time it all right.

You poor thing, that sounds horrendous. It may not be your thing but I would suggest getting some sleep training advice if you can afford it. I did it with both mine and I'm so glad I did, it just really helps to have some support and to have someone checking in on you to make you do it! They can also give you a bespoke plan for your situation - especially as he's a bit older.
Helping him to learn how to fall asleep and stay asleep will also be better for him in the long term - and all of you especially with another baby on the way.

Thanks for the replies.

Bedtime is that late mainly because it used to be 7 ish but it would take forever and ever so by pushing it back half an hour he went to sleep much more easily. But now this time is even more difficult than before.

I'm also in a country where an 8/9 bedtime is pretty normal for kids his age. I wouldn't mind if he slept later in the morning. But since I night weaned, he's been waking at silly o clock!

I'm happy to sleep train him. I know it will only take a few nights, but I'm just worried that it will mean bedtimes take even more faffing around! At nursery ( since Sept), he has dropped down on his bed and gone off to sleep on his own bed from day one, with no trouble at all. So I know he can.

It's just this awful faffing. I might try a few nights of going back to 7 pm bedtimes. But to be honest, he definitely doesn't seem overtired.

I think you need to remove the boob option entirely. Tell him what will happen before it does though.

Tell him you'll have a drink, then a story...then bed. Tell him that there's "No milk left" and stick with it.

Is he still napping during the day? If not I would definitely try earlier bedtime, because that is a v long time for him to be awake and my money would be on overtired.

I've started preparing him for no boob. I'm not sure he understands, but I'm counting down to Friday.

Yes, he still naps in the day. He does 1.5-2.5 hrs at nursery, roughly 12.30-2.30. At the weekends he does about 1.5 hrs

What PP have said he's most likely overtired and therefore more emotional. If he isn't napping in the day then i'd aim to get him in bed for 7 at the latest. Key is consistency and creating a calming atmosphere.

Good luck OP. It does seem to be a particularly clingy stage and I also read its common for them to develop a gear of sleeping alone. DD (just 2) has recently been crying at bed time not wanting to be left but I've found if I'm consistent that she stays in bed then she quickly learns to settle herself to sleep again. That and tiring her out before bed.

Also you say your pregnant? How far along? It could be that he is sending change is coming especially since only mummy will do

Just seen he is napping. I've had to cut down DD's nap to 1.5hrs max and it needs to finish no later than 2pm otherwise it's a right faff at bedtime

In the nicest possible way, I'd suggest you're reinforcing this behaviour by engaging with it (if I've read your post correctly, do just say if I'm wrong).

A clear and consistent, 'back to bed, night time is for sleeping', while gently bringing him back to bed and then leaving the room is what's needed.

And you'll have to do it over and over and over again and it might take a while but he needs to get the message that it's just not the time for faffing around.

Yes, I'm sure you're right in that I'm reinforcing the faffing. I know I am. I just can't help it as I get so frustrated! I think I'll try an earlier bedtime this week, then from Friday, cut the boob completely, give him a banana after his bath, a big cup of water, make him drink the lot, then teeth and into bed for stories. Then lights off and that's it. I'll probably stay in the room, but just not engage at all. Unless he gets off the bed. Then I'll make him get back in.

I think his nursery teacher might kill me if I asked her to wake him at 2! I work in the same place and we hate it if they work early. It's the only time we have to get prep done for the next day!

I'm only 10 weeks pregnant. I doubt he'd notice any change yet, would he? Unless my milk is changing.

Agree with cutting the naps down. We had to cut my son's out completely after he was 3 or he wouldn't go to sleep. Also he shouldn't really be having milk (even breast milk) after he's cleaned his teeth so that's a good way of explaining why he can't be fed to sleep any more. Also try a small drink of water and not a big one or you'll have a nightmare when you potty train him!

HE'S ASLEEP!!!!

Thank you, you lovely lot for all your advice, suggestions and support. I know it's only one night, but I'm so pleased. You've given me the courage I needed to stand firm. Which I think I'm pretty good at doing in the day, but rubbish at bedtime.

So, we did bath until half 6, then teeth.he ate masses of dinner tonight so didn't offer him anything else. About an inch of water in a cup. He asked for more but I said no. Into bed, 4 stories. He had boob, but as soon as he came off each side I told him that it had finished. He got angry, asked for water, food, for me to go etc, but I sat on the floor and he held my hand for a while. He asked me to come back on the bed, so I sat next to him and he held my nipple and wriggled for a bit, before rolling over and lying very still and eventually drifting off. YES!

I know there's still work to be done, but it's such a positive start. Thank you!

It's 7.45 where I am!

BRAVO, OP!

So pleased you made such amazing progress.

Now go and enjoy your grown up evening!

Well done mama!