Bedtime disagreements

[Deehit]

Please help!
My baby has a good set routine now....she wakes between 5/6am has a nap every 2-3 hours usually around 8am, 11am and 2pm for 30 mins to an hour. Then the trouble starts.....

She can't keep her eyes open past 5:30pm and my partner puts her to bed. Granted she sleeps then until 2:30am and then wakes up....I mean wide awake....and why wouldn't she be? She's had her 9 hours I'd be awake too then if I was her....then we fight with her to go back to sleep and sometimes she has little cat naps but generally will lie in her cot talking to herself and screaming not upset screaming like excited screaming and she generally does this for attention to the point we can't bare it anymore and I'm downstairs every morning between 5/6 am starting another day. It's killing me off.

My argument is this....today I suggested that when she gets tired at tea time tonight to let her sleep down stairs until she wakes then start the bedtime routine so she goes to bed around 8-8:30pm that way I know she will probably still be up early but she will probably sleep through cutting out the 2-4 hours torture in the early hours of the morn. My reason for letting her get her last nap in downstairs is because she always sleep downstairs in her bouncer/basket during the day and she never goes longer than an hour.

My partner totally disagrees and says he wants to be in bed by 8 himself so we won't get any time together but he isn't the one doing the night feeds and the early get ups and at he minute we don't get any time together as it is because soon as baby is in her cot I come downstairs and he is usually asleep anyway.

Any advice.....?

How old is she?

6 months

Firstly how old is your dd?
Then, if your DH is off to work every day, maybe letting him head off to bed is fine for now. You’ll have plenty of time to see each other over the coming months when your dd is in more of a normal routine.

At 5:30pm, she is tired but that’s not the time for her to be heading off for a 9 hour sleep. So after her tea/milk, you can let her have a short nap then play time until say 7/7:30.

Then start bedtime routine so bath, feed, cuddle or whatever you do, then pop her into bed. She should then sleep more into the early hours and maybe stay sleeping a bit longer in the morning.

All of that is dependent on her age of course. I’m assuming she is over 6 months?

Also, try getting her to sleep longer stints in the day. Wherever she naps, don’t draw the curtains. Her body needs to know the difference between day sleeps and night sleeps so her circadian rhythm is correct.

Obviously some babies justhave little cat naps but if you can get a good afternoon sleep in, she will be less tired and falling asleep in her meal at teatime.

I think he’s being extremely unreasonable (I know this is not AIBU!) expecting you to get up at 2am simply because he wants to go to bed before 8pm. Each to their own but neither of these are ‘normal’ bedtime/rising hours and it’s ridiculous to expect you to facilitate his early bedtime AND get up so early yourself.

More to the point, if you get the baby into a 5:30pm-2am regular sleep schedule now, you could be setting her up with problems for life.

Is he controlling in other areas, or is this just a sudden blind spot?

We try keeping her awake as long as possible at tea time but it gets to the point she's screaming rubbing her eyes and her head is literally dropping. I don't switch anything off or shut the curtains during the day and I always let her sleep downstairs because I want her to know when she goes in her cot it's bedtime. She has never gone longer than an hour during the day no matter what I try. Last week he was in bed before her every day I should of just tried it then so I didn't have him tellin me no

Hmm. Well, how about giving her tea earlier (4:30 say) then nap and then wake up and play.

You can only try it. It’s lovely weather, let her sleep for a bit then wake her and take her outside (not in buggy or she will go back to sleep) so she is cooler and more awake. When she is eating tea, maybe take her vest off to keep her cooler etc.

Then bath and quiet play/look at books etc until milk and sleep time.

You’ve just got to do it and not worry “will it work?” Etc. It will work but it needs to be consistent.

Could you move her 2pm nap to 3.30pm? Or let her have a longer nap at 2pm?

Have you tried putting her in the bath? Woke mine up good style and they managed an extra hour awake!! Might make all the difference, baths always made them sleep much better!

I’d try giving her a quick (20 min) nap at 4.30/5ish. Then play and dinner and bath etc and bedtime by 7/7.30. That might help a bit. Or try and move her naps back a bit. It’s hard when they take short naps, but if they are only 30 min then she probably needs 4 naps a day as most likely she’s overtired