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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Please help me, my relationship with my 6 year old has divebombed.

14 replies

downbutnotout2018 · 17/06/2018 21:53

Hi has become addicted to tech / Tv, ignores when I say not to do something and has started giving me lots of cheek. Earlier I was making him supper, and said, 'mind out, move over there x, I have a sharp knife' (I was making cheese sandwiches at the time), he didn't move and instead said 'what about the knife?' i'm afraid this really triggered me and i put the knife down and turned around and yelled in his face and sent him to his room.I apologies later, but I'm afraid to say I feel regularly out of control with him lately. I am actually scared at the damage I might be doing by yelling at him. I can't stop. I don't know where to turn for help.

OP posts:

meringue33 · 17/06/2018 21:55

the Incredible Years book is really good and there is a course to go with it

Original poster

downbutnotout2018 · 17/06/2018 22:00

that's a great idea. I did the toddler one, but didn't realise there were course for older kids..

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 17/06/2018 22:03

I found ADs were really useful at helping me when my son was getting too much - he was behaving normally but I was going through a really tough time. The ADs helped me to stay calm and deal with him better. Would you be prepared to speak to your doctor?

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6 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting

Original poster

downbutnotout2018 · 17/06/2018 22:05

yes I think I need something. I'm having a difficult time, and I don't think my son is behaving that badly actually. Its me. I have gone from a loving mum to someone a bit out of control.

OP posts:

Misty9 · 17/06/2018 22:05

I feel your pain and have a backchatting 6yo too. I find www.ahaparenting.com a really useful resource. It's a bit American iyswim but good stuff. I'm trying to stop shouting...

Porpoises · 17/06/2018 22:08

Another option is therapy. What was your own childhood like? Sometimes it's hard to handle your kids hitting specific ages.

NickMyLipple · 17/06/2018 22:08

How about signing up to do a martial arts class with him? Allows him to let out some anger and frustration towards you in a safe and controlled way. He'll also be away from his screens!

Original poster

downbutnotout2018 · 17/06/2018 22:09

Misty9, it's so hard - my trigger point is after 8pm, when he's still not calming down and I'm knackered... I will check out that website...

OP posts:

lorisparkle · 17/06/2018 22:10

I find my ds’s behaviour deteriorated when they spend too much time on technology. I have cut it right down to weekends only and then only for a few hours. It is hard work initially but well worth it.

The book I liked was ‘easier, calmer, happier parenting’. I often read it again when I am having problems and it points me In the right direction. I can’t follow it to the letter as whilst I agree with the principles it requires quite a bit of patience. It does calm me down though when I feel I am going to explode or implode.

Original poster

downbutnotout2018 · 17/06/2018 22:12

Porpoises, good point I think things turned worse for me when I turned 6. We moved house and my dad started turning aggresive, yelling, the family dynamic dive bombed. I think I'm fighting against that....

OP posts:

EndOfEternity · 17/06/2018 22:13

I’d advise starting here www.gentleparenting.co.uk
It’s a really good and easy to read site. There are Facebook groups too. Plus it’s based on good research.

Porpoises · 22/06/2018 07:42

Just saw your message @downbutnotout2018 . I'm sorry to hear that. Its hard to parent calmly without good role models yourself. A good therapist would be able to help you work through this.

Misty9 · 22/06/2018 11:08

How are things OP? I'm having a night away with my 6yo so we can have some time together without dd. Hopefully it will help as he has been somewhat challenging recently.

9580mark · 22/06/2018 15:59

With having 3 girls at 10 months, 3.5yrs and 18 yrs, I've had to bring myself up to speed with the tech available and how to make sure it is 'used correctly' I'm not saying that there is a perfect way but I've found that by learning more about what's out there and teaching the two eldest about the good and the bad, they have not seen me as a dinosaur and dismissed me as the eldest used to do. I have wireless router which allows me to set 'down times' for the devices connected to it, the kids know when this is and we find something else to do when that time comes. I don't allow phones at the dinner table or the tv on while eating. it sounds petty but I've found it has made a huge difference to our family interaction.
Now, it's as if the tech and tv, pc and phones are an addition to our lives rather than the only reason they get up in the morning.
in the early days of making the changes, it was hard and i got very much the same response you are describing but it has worked well so far and I wouldn't go back. Nearly forgot... I try to leave my phone in one place in the house while the kids are around so they see there are other things to worry about.

Hope you find a solution to what you're going through, best of luck with it.
Mark

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