I want to run away!

[Fedupmum2]

I'm at my wits end with my DS. He's 17 months old and I feel like I've failed massively as a mum as he hasn't weaned yet.
I only just managed to get him off milk and onto baby jars of food at around 13 months and now he's stuck on the jars and refuses to eat any finger food I make or any other stuff I blend up that hasn't come out of a jar!
He still drinks both water and milk from a bottle, has a meltdown if I even try to introduce the sippy cup.

And he hasn't said his first word yet. All these things are massively stressing me out as he's not an easy child. My entire day is filled from start to finish with tantrums, whingeing and crying.

There's not a single thing I can do with him that doesn't cause a massive meltdown. Changing his nappy results in thrashing and screaming. Giving him a bath = the same. When taking him out to the park or out anywhere for that matter, the fun is short lived as he inevitably will end up on the floor kicking and screaming.

He has no understanding of anything I say either so I can't distract him well or calm him down easily.

I've spoken to a HV and she said to get him off the baby jars ASAP as him not using his muscles in his mouth to chew proper food could be causing him to not be able to speak yet.

I feel like there is so much pressure on me to transition him to the place he's meant to be for his age but I'm struggling so much and nothing works. It all just ends in a screaming nightmare.

I am so fed up of it all. I have no family who can help me, my partner is at work long hours 6 days a week so doesn't offer much input as he's never around to help with anything.

I can't afford to send DS to a nursery which I thought might help if he's around other children so I try to take him to a baby group once a week but I can't face it any more because I'm so fed up of being the only mum there whose child is constantly having tantrum after tantrum.

I don't know where I've gone so wrong with him. I feel like such a failure as he can't do these things that all other children seem to have moved onto quite easily.

I hate getting up in the mornings to face another day of it. I feel burnt out and desperately need either a break from it or some advice on what I can do.

He sleeps quite well I think. Usually goes to bed at 6/6.30pm and sleeps through until 6/6.30am. He has a 2 hour nap between 11am and 1pm give or take.

We went to the park at about 9am so I didn't think he would be tired but it's possible I suppose.
If I leave him he can work himself up even more and begin to bang his head onto things like the floor or a wall etc but sometimes he can calm down after about 5/10 minutes. But other times talking to him or trying to hold him makes it worse and he headbutts/kicks so it's a job to know what to do with him really.

Can you distract him once a tantrum has started? So by doing something completely silly like picking him up and flying him around, or blowing raspberries on his tummy, or similar?

It depends what scale tantrum he's having. If it's not too bad then yes that works in the moment but he tends to try to resume so you have to keep distracting for a while until he is completely settled but other times he seems to go into instant meltdown where he's near hysterical, those are the ones where nothing works and they go on for quite some time.

my son is 9 and wants to eat healthily but he cant eat fruit that has bits in it, it's like a phobia and it makes him sick, not the same thing but the baby jars reminded me of my son as a baby, he didn't like textures and wanted to live on yoghurts. He now eats loads of different things it did get better but the fruit with bits in it has stuck, I think the reflux could have been the first association with eating and not enjoying the experience, maybe he's afraid of being sick so won't eat solids? Good luck, being a mum is sometimes the hardest job in the world but you are doing a great job x

NOT an expert (have 4dcs though) but imo I wouldn't worry too much about the food and milk, he'll get there, other posters have given some good advice. I think it's the behaviour that will make the biggest difference to you and wonder if you're maybe expecting a bit much from him? By this I mean it might help if you think about everything from his perspective all of the time. Example, my 2 yo (or 4yo) is in the car in the school run and wants a drink, I hand him one, he finishes it and wants more. I tell him it's gone, I don't have another one, we'll be home in a few minutes but he just screams. Because he's still thirsty. It doesn't matter if he understands me or not, he'll scream until he gets a drink. My older daughter finds this infuriating and tries endlessly to reason with him. But over the years I've come to see it from the eyes of a toddler and just say something like 'I know you're thirsty, I'm sorry I don't have any more drink but I'll get you one as soon as we're home' then try to ignore the crying.
I have a friend who battles constantly with stuff like this, it's totally normal toddler behaviour, you just need to try to alter your thinking. Sorry for the long post, I hope it makes some sense though!