How do I get my 3 year old to dress himself?

[LillyBugg]

A while ago we started working on this skill. He can do it. He's done it plenty of times before. I started with a sticker chart but it wasn't really working so I teamed it with a timer. He hated the timer. So we scrapped that as it really wasn't working at all. I then also ditched the sticker chart because he was so uninterested. We battle every day over it and it's driving me to insanity. He will usually take off pyjamas but then either declare he can't do it or just wander around not doing it. It's so frustrating. He's nearly 4 so he is more than capable. Can anyone help before I totally lose my shit?

Do you let him pick out his own outfit?
When you take his clothes of and leave him undressed does he not care even if you pretend you need to leave the house now?
We have got in the car before with 4 year old ds still in his underwear and eventually he will give up and says he will go and put clothes on

He has zero interest in what he wears so no he doesn't choose. I've threatened to go out with him part naked but he doesn't seem all that bothered by that either. Maybe I need to push harder on that though. Maybe he would be bothered if I actually did it.

Not to sound silly but why does he need to dress himself?

If he has the ability to do it surely you have done your part well? When he goes to school he’ll be able to dress/undress as needed.
In the house you can help —do it for him—
But then I have a very lazy ds who would wander around in nothing but socks if I let him, as he can dress/undress himself when the mood takes him I take the easy road the rest of the time.

Make a silly game of it. Get his t shirt and try and put it on your leg, etc. Or let him choose which t shirt (2 options). My ds is pretty lazy so I usually dress him myself but I know he can do it.

I suppose he doesn't have to do it himself I just feel that he should be by now. If he was born a little earlier he'd be in school this September. And I sort of feel it's become this massive issue now that I don't want to back down on.

Silliness will work for one day. Then when I try it the next day it won't.

Maybe I should give up.

Honestly, if you're in a rush then just help him. I've been there. You end up stressed and shouting, he ends up crying..... not worth it. Work on his independence when you have plenty of time then offer an incentive. "If you get yourself dressed quickly we'll have time to go to the park"

Don’t turn it into a massive issue, you have years and years of negotiating with this person ahead. Keep it light and friendly, offer a t shirt, if he doesn’t put it on, hijack him with it. It’s not like you’ll be dressing him when he’s 15.

My 5yo is capable of doing it and does it at school but will happily accept help at home, mainly because she's really lazy. Why make it into a battle? Conversely my 3yo insists on doing everything herself so it takes 10x as long.

For my dd we turned it in to a race or game. For instance 'i bet you can't get changed quicker than I can do the washing up'. It really motivated her to try and beat us at whatever we were doing. Worth a try I guess?

My son is 14 and still doesn't care about clothes - I guess he started dressing himself around aged 6 - don't make it an issue - he'll do it eventually

Okay I'm obviously expecting too much too soon. I guess I just find it infuriating because I know he can do it but is choosing not to. How do you know what you should encourage independence on and what you should just help with until they decide to do it themselves?! I thought getting dressed was a pretty basic thing for him to start doing alone.

OP, my DS is 3.5 and, like yours, is perfectly capable of dressing himself but faffs about and takes so long! Sometimes racing works and sometimes it doesn't.

It stressed me out for ages so like PP's I try to not let it bother me now. Sometimes he does it (if we have loads of time) and sometimes I do it, sometimes I do the hard bits like socks and he does the rest.

I recon that as long as he can do it and sometimes does it so he doesn't lose the skill don't worry about him doing it everyday. Less stress for you is definitely better!

Out of curiosity how do your 3 year olds manage buttons?
Mine likes to try but can't really. He loves zips though.

Bribery? That is, once you are dressed we can go to the park, get the train set out, watch paw patrol etc.? Get his clothes out, ask him to get dressed and say you ate going to get on with your jobs, his job is to get dressed, and once the jobs are done you can both do the thing he will want to do. Ignore him then and get on with your jobs until he is dressed, then follow through on the nice thing. Or, if you have to leave the house before he is ready,take him in a state of undress and don't do the nice thing?

My DS has dyspraxia so dressing is really challenging. He's nearly 13 and I still lay his school clothes out for him! (Although he does dress himself. Takes him 20 minutes though!)

What I did was not fuss about the mornings when we had to get out of the door by a specific time - I'd do it/help, because that horrible stressy morning is no good for anyone.

Where there were days where nothing needed to happen, I'd make the first thing we were going to do something he really liked - like the park. So 'DS, please go and get dressed because we're going to the and we can't do it until you have your clothes on.'

One request, one reminder, then make yourself a cup of tea and just wait for it to happen. Doesn't matter if it takes ages, you wait. (You may want to call up a friendly reminder or two if it is getting past 20 mins).

But honestly, don't stress. He can do it, you know he can do it. He just doesn't want to, for whatever reason.

I don't think you are expecting too much too soon. I just took it for granted mine would dress themselves and they all did before they were 3... Not very helpful sorry!

But we have always had a no comming downstairs til you're dressed and no food or screens upstairs rule, so everyone is motivated to get dressed sooner or later I guess!

DD just started doing it one day. It was quite recently, she is just 4, she just started getting herself up and dressed. She sometimes needs help with buttons and socks or if she is really tired.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachmentdata/file/596629/EYFSSSTATUTORYFRAMEWORKK2017.pdf

Have a look at this, it gives you an indication of expected learning and development.

My ds is now 11, and finally independent ( with some teeth brushing nagging). I used to just dr as him till he was much older than your son, because to me it was a choice between that , and nagging/ begging/ shouting/ telling him off every morning. He’s my youngest and I’d rather not go the school run feeling jangled from agro.
He gradually segued into doing it himself. I’m not sure when, but it will happen op.
I think some things are worth having battles about ( rudeness, or if I thought my kids were being unkind ) . But I’m quite an irritable person, and if I pulled them up on everything that bugged me, they would feel
persecuted!

I have this problem with 5 yr old ds. At the weekend he's into his own clothes in a flash but school morning are a nightmare.

Pick a card any card!!! I drew each item of clothing on card squares and he picks each one randomly and has to put it on. But beware you have to covertly slip in the cards with clothing items that go over something else (like jumpers and shoes) or it doesn't work. Ds has ASD and picking shorts before pants caused a major meltdown as he felt he had to follow the rules of the game. We were late for school that day.

Just help him get dressed and get on with your day. My 6 year old can get dressed and undressed but on some mornings still asks me to do his shirt buttons. Just because. And that’s fine.
At 4 I made sure he had the skills necessary but I often dressed him. Much quicker. I fear you have made a big issue out of thisand now he’s being intransigent. If he couldn’t do it I would worry but he can.
Ask him to be independent in other ways. Ask him to help around the house. Or when you go out for the day, get him to pack a small backpack for himself.

When my 4 year old first started school he was so tired on some days he could barely feed himself dinner. I would feed him then. Because a battle over this at the end of a long tired day wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t that he couldn’t do it. As I said he’s 6 now and would not dream of letting me feed him.

It's a lot of pressure for a Littleey! Why the hurry? Let him do it in his own time; why the hurry to make him grow up before he's ready? You'll be wanting him to choose his career next !

We have getting dressed races. Dd will do anything if it’s a competition. DS (now 9) wasn’t so bothered. He became conscious of privacy when he was about 7 and hit very good at getting dressed then, because the alternative was me getting him dressed!

He's not at school so there are no shirt buttons. Really as long as he doesn't have dyspraxia, which obviously makes a huge difference here, as long as he has easy clothes (pants, socks, jogging bottoms for now rather than jeans, and a t shirt) and you aren't under unrealistic time pressure it isn't too much at nearly 4. Silly overly grown up uniforms with button up shirts and ties would be, but not jogging bottoms and a t shirt!

Some really interesting points to take on board here thank you.

you'll be wanting him to choose his career next oh please. Hardly comparable is it?

I think my plan is just going to be to relax about it a bit. I'll help a little but also encourage independence when we have enough shit loads of time.

As I was thinking about this this morning I remembered why I started it. He was being awful at me dressing him. Running off and kicking and screaming. So I wanted him to do it. And he could but then started refusing to do it. I'm sure it's all just a power struggle. And hopefully if I ease up on it a bit then eventually he will be dressing himself without me having to encourage every tiny thing.