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Sanity check about sleeping with baby

7 replies

MaxiParent · 16/06/2018 13:29

My partner and I sometimes sleep with our 6 month old in bed, in the mornings, after he initially stirs. This morning, we had a disagreement about something that happened, and I would like to get a "sanity check" on what other parents think.

This morning, my partner got up out of bed and left me and our son asleep, he in his sleeping bag, on the bed. Our son woke before me and started to roll around, and he ended up playing with a small clip-on book lamp that my partner had left nearby. Apparently, he got into it, and the batteries had come out. When I woke, our son was no longer doing this, and I woke because he rolled over and touched my face (very sweet!). I didn't even notice the lamp lying beyond him. While playing with him, my partner arrived and saw the book lamp in the distance, and was terrified that he might have swallowed the battery (which was temporarily missing). The battery was found and all was well.

My partner was furious with me for not monitoring him closely enough, which was all the worse due to the temporary distress of thinking that he swallowed the battery. Naturally, I was equally upset about the situation (and relieved), but I found myself being berated for something that I couldn't have helped. When I pointed out that there was no way that I could have monitored him because I was asleep, my partner was furious that I was not accepting responsibility for something they said was 100% my fault.

I am upset by what happened this morning, and the fear I felt about our son and the possibility that he could have swallowed a battery. But am I right to think that the blame is on both of us for this incident? I didn't have anything to do with the lamp being there, or leaving him with me asleep. I need a sanity check here--am I being irresponsible in trying to avoid blame that I truly deserve? Or was it just an unavoidable accident and nobody was to blame?

Opinions would be gratefully received!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
DontstepontheMomeRaths · 16/06/2018 14:36

He's being an arse. Does he often blame you for things?

Bowlofbabelfish · 16/06/2018 14:41

Blaming you is wrong.

A more productive outcome would have been that you discuss how far your son is rolling and mobile and how to baby proof the room to account for that.

If yours is anything like mine his fiendish little paws can crack, unlock, open and generally get into ANYTHING - that’s just how it is and we’ve had a couple of ‘oh shit’ moments as well. We’ve not blamed each other, but we have sat down and had a think about anything else in the room he might get into. If he’s rolling he can also roll off the end so at that point the deal was if you left the other partner in bed alone you built a wall to prevent falling etc.

TwoSweetenersImBitterEnough · 16/06/2018 15:03

It was entirely your DP's fault, and he damn well knows it was which is why he reacted so badly. He knew he put his child in danger and didn't deal with it properly. After getting out of bed in the future he needs to be reminded to put the pillows to the edge of the bed to stop baby rolling away and to also keep small things out of the bed when a BABY is sleeping there. Stupid thing to do on his part and judging by the way he kicked off and blamed you, he feels absolutely awful for it.

Speak to him, tell him you understand it was an accident (and you don't blame or resent him etc) but he needs to be more careful in the future. Any items are to be kept on the bedside table (which they should anyway) and he can't kick off and speak to you like that when he gets scared or upset. Especially not in front of your 6 month old.

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GummyGoddess · 16/06/2018 15:08

Partner is at fault, if they hadn't left then baby couldn't have reached the book light. They should have ensured the book light was out of reach and built a barrier or woke you. Discuss how you will deal with the climbing that will soon occur.

cornishmumtobe · 16/06/2018 15:10

Partner should have woken you so you knew you were responsible for baby

TroubledLichen · 16/06/2018 15:17

Your both at fault, if you’re going to co-sleep you need to make sure it’s a safe environment for the baby. Either baby proof properly or put the baby to sleep in their cot. However, your partner was completely in the wrong to blame you. Glad your DS is ok and no harm done, now you need to have a good think and discussion with your DP about how to be safe in the future.

MaxiParent · 16/06/2018 16:07

Thank you very much for all of your helpful replies! It truly does make me feel better to hear your views and experiences, and get your advice. We will take this occasion to think about how to ensure things like this don't happen again, rather than blaming. And I agree with you, TroubledLichen, that we should both share responsibility for not ensuring a safe environment.

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