I hate being with my kids at the moment.

[BusyCee]

They are 7, 4 & 2.5. I have to repeat every request several times before it's done. Every time I make a statement about what's coming next, there's a complaint, moan or whine about it. Literally every single fucking thing has become some sort of drama. I'm becoming a shouty, bad tempered miserable cow and I hate it.

They have manners - with other people. They have their own tasks & responsibilities. They CAN be lovely people. But at the moment we're in this miserable, dragging rut of negativity. It's making me so unhappy.

I know I need to shake it up a bit to make the change. I know they'll be led by me. But by fuck it's hard and miserable work, and I hate who I'm becoming as a result. I've lost the fun, spontaneous, interesting & interested part of my character and all I do now is contingency plan, shout, coerce, and threaten.

If I could just walk out right now I bloody well would.

You are not looking after yourself.
They are always like this but it’s annoying you now because you are not happy yourself.

You need to get away for a break. Have you someone that can mind them while you do this?

No. And that's part of the problem, isn't it. I'm stuck I. The cycle of not being able to work because childcare is too expensive, and not being able to put them in childcare because I'm not earning enough. Each time I try to get a run at work something happens. In the last month; half term, then childminder away for a week, then today a sick child, and next week taking an elderly relative to hospital. I'm working as hard and smart as I can to make a change...but I'm impatient and it's elusive. I'm tired of waiting for a 'break'....

Things are so much harder when you're struggling and down yourself. I would second carving out some time alone to recharge your batteries. Have you got any real life support?

@BusyCee - do you have a partner? If so remember childcare is a shared expense, not just down to you to cover. Or perhaps he can quit work for a bit and you get a turn ? This isn't all on you.

Also with tax credits you can get up to eighty percent of costs back as long as you work 16 hours.

Seriously, think about it. Get a break from kids and protect your financial independence at the same time

My career was fucked by having kids. As a result I'm self employed and trying to grow my business around the family. Annoyingly so is my husband. His business is well regarded, but limited growth potential. We're not making ends meet financially, so it's all quite tight.

God. I bore myself.

I can relate to everything you’ve said, op.

@whifflesqueak - sorry to hear that. It's a shitty sitch, isn't it?

I've just stropped off upstairs after less than an hour of trying to get my two (6 & 4) to eat dinner and do their homework. You are not alone

Ds does a martial.art. he is grading this Sunday and needs to learn.his theory. He has j u st dragged himself across the floor as nd his huffing and sighing about wanting to colour in instead. I don't actually give a flying fuck about whether he passes or fails, but apparently he does...so he needs to learn it. I think he should fail. Dreading the gcse years if tjis is him.

I hear you.

OP I could've written this too. I have a small BF baby as well as the older three (similar ages to yours), so I can't just head away for a night/weekend or even a fucking afternoon just now, but know that a small bit of space would make the absolute world of difference.

No real words of advice, other than stuff I'm sure you're already doing: I try as hard as possible to keep smiley and upbeat and ignore negativity, but of course it's impossible to be Pollyanna indefinitely and I often end up snapping. I try to count to ten or leave the room and take some deep breaths before reacting to another whine, argument or complaint. I'm hoping it'll pass eventually......

Ok but would your business make twenty percent of childcare costs? But if it would then you absolutely could return to work.

Have you tried applying for roles in your previous field? Loads of companies have return to work programs now.

There IS a way to get back to work. That's the solution. Work is good for our mental health. SAHM- ing is a shitty deal most of the time.