My 9 year old hit me last night..

[worriedmum1]

During a heated argument my 9 year ds lashed out whilst I was trying to get his computer game from him - first he kicked me, then after telling him I was going to telephone his father he try to punch the phone from my hand. This has never happened before and I dont want it to ever happen again or escalate - has anyone experienced this and how did you deal with it ?

I haven't, WM, but my ds is only 2. You must feel dreadful. He obviously has a need to lash out at the moment, and I'm sure he's very sorry for his actions.

I hope you get some useful advice on this thread.

How awful wm1 , {{big hugs}}

How did you react? I know it is hard at the time but it needs a "this is completely unacceptable beyond the bounds of your imagination" response of some sort - and at the very least a prolonged confiscation of the game...

My ds is 9 and has also bit/hit me on a few occasions lately over computer games. Is very upsetting. I will be watching this thread closely for advice!

Hmm wonder if boys this age have a testosterone surge? Ds1 (severely autistic so normal rules don't apply) has become quite aggressive towards me during meltdowns recently- and has thumped me a few times- something he's never done before.

I think computer games make boys more lilkely to lashout though- ds2 (only5) will go ballisitic if I try and make him just stop a computer game- I always give him a 5 minute then 2 minute warning that it's going off.

You need to assert your authority (and I really don't care if that sounds harsh). He should never hit you.

I agree that you should confiscate his game for a decent period of time and tell him in no uncertain terms that it mustn't happen again. Also your DH needs to have a quiet word with him about how unacceptable it is to hit you and how as your husband he won't tolerate it either.

I hope it was a one off. He probably tried to punch the phone because he was in a panic about his father knowing... but that is just as unacceptable.

I reacted in a quite hysterical manner yelling about how is has crossed a line and this must never happen again - did not tell DP as he would have flipped and in my opinion matter things worse. I do hope this does not happen again - have visions ended up a battered mum!! Feel so totally shocked that this happened at all - thanks for your advice guys keep on posting please

So..... the next thing is to talk to your DS. Calmly. Take him aside and say that you're sorry for screaming at him but that you were so shocked by his behaviour. However, also tell him it was not acceptable that he should hit you and that next time you will talk to DP. I think you and your DP may need to sit down to talk about how you are going to deal with his testosterone surges etc. You need firmness and consistency (which I'm sure you know)> I truly do hope it was a one off thing that never happens again, but I do think you need to come down strongly so that he thinks twice before doing it again.

How awful for you WM. I have a friend who is going through a similar phase with her ds and sought professional advice. Their advice was to echo SS's words. But they also advised that to avoid violence, you need to diffuse violent/heated arguments and be very very calm as the parent.

Have you read 1,2,3 Magic? Whtever the problem, it advises always staying calm, and stating "That's one" "That's two" "That's three" before always always following up with a consequence. It's supposed to work for under 12s - and works with my two, when I remember to stay calm. (You are supposed to do "Time out" as the 'punishment' according to this book, but we have adapted it to a variety of punishments, as long as we have got to three.)

I know that computer games are particularly hard as they are soooo addictive, and designed to make you want to play for just 5 minutes more. They also get my dss wound up like nothing else except Coke (Cola that is!) I have adapted the rule with mine that the oldest is allowed an hour a day on it, but then allowed an extra 5 minutes if necessary with me watching, to finish off a level. It's worth discussing with your ds, when this is all over, how long is really reasonable for him to be on the game and what happens if/when you need him to finish sooner.

HTH a little. I'm sure someone will come along with more advice soon. (I have a copy of 1,2,3 which you are welcome to borrow if you want to CAT me)

My 9 year old dd hit me round the back of the head with a remote sometime ago in the last few months
Could NOT belive it.
I calmly told her off, whilst shaking in my shoes and told her she had just lost her SIMS games that were coming in the post that she had paid for.
A month later I asked her if she would like the oppurtinity to pay for them AGAIN and she took it.
So she lost out on having the game for 1 month and paid for it twice.
She hasnt done it again.
Shocking tho isnt it?

Got to leave my computer now but please keep posting feeling really low about this just keep thinking I have caused it somehow - will come to you all tomorrow - thanks

Got to leave my computer now but please keep posting feeling really low about this just keep thinking I have caused it somehow - will come to you all tomorrow - thanks

Oh honey. You didn't cause it! Your 9 yo caused it. They are growing and learning how to express themselves. We have to teach them what is and isn't acceptable. There's always a learning curve for each of us sometimes steep, sometimes not. Please don't beat yourself up because your child is a child.