AIBU

[hollyindie]

Hi everyone,

Just after some advice on what to do for the best.
I've been with my partner for 3 years and always got on with his family.
I fell pregnant last year and gave birth to our boy in January.

His parents were already grandparents to my DP daughter and their daughter has a little girl.
They are fantastic grandparents to his girl and his niece. They have them weekly (his niece is 3 months older than our baby) they buy them gifts, take them on holiday either abroad or weekends away, totally dote on them.

My issue is since our son has been born they haven't bothered with him at all.
They came to the hospital to meet him and they looked after him once at 3 weeks old when my grandma died - they finally agreed after asking them for 2 weeks because we had no one else! They threw every reason why they couldn't at us but agreed so we could go to funeral, then they came over when he was 4/5 weeks for an hour to see him after we said that they've not seen him for ages.

We brought up over and over why they don't make any effort with him but spend so much time with the other two and they said it's our fault because we don't go down to theirs so we stop them!!
They live 10 mins away and both drive and the reason we don't go down there anymore is because We Always went there and they always had an excuse that we couldn't stay in the house for long and every time our baby cried his Mam made comments which made me feel very uncomfortable being in the house.

ABIU for wanting them to want our son? I don't want him growing up thinking they don't care and I'm getting to the point where I will stop trying to encourage them to see him.

They haven't seen him since he was 5 weeks old he is now nearly 5 months!

Every time we've tried they have an excuse *

Has your DH tried talking to them on his own?

This is the same with my in laws with my son and daughter. They dote on my husbands brothers kids but hardly make an effort with our children, same excuses. I try not to let it get to me, they are the ones missing out

It's like you're describing my in-laws with my DS, I had all of this, they never bothered with our son and yet always were with their grandaughter (she's 3 months younger than DS)
We had all the comments too on how she was doing and yet complaints about our DS.
It took 4 years for my DH to say anything and that was after we separated over it and I was looking at getting a divorce. The stress of how they treated DS put that much of a strain on our marriage.
Our DS also started to become aware of it and would say things like grandma likes her more than she likes me or grandma just talks to her and she won't talk to me. It was heartbreaking.
We tried to talk to them about it but were just told we were jealous or accused of lying. So now we don't bother and honestly we are all so much happier.

Talk to them, tell them now what you'd like, or get your partner to. Then if they don't bother just move on and make the relationships with the people who do want to know and see him. It honestly isn't worth the stress for either of you or when eventually your DS realises.

Mrsmozart
Yeah he has text them, called them, went down last weekend alone. All they say is it's not them and they see no problem with how they treat him.

*Gingerpickles
*
Exactly the same as us! We've been told we are jealous etc too! I've tried to keep them up to date with his development but all I get back on a text is "well granddaughter was doing that way before him"

You're totally right I never want him to think he isn't good enough and that must've been so heartbreaking for you. I'm sorry that happened to you.

*Horsestar
*
I need to start being like that too but it's so hurtful. Thicker skin is needed by me

you wanted this baby. Now you want everybody to be as interested in it as you? She's shown she doesn't like babies? I think you have many more things to be getting on with.

If someone isn't interest faaaamily or not, shove them. No really.

Mountainsoutofmolehills
Thank you for your comment however
Did I say I wanted them to be as interested as me? No
I said I wanted them to be as interested in him as they are the other two. They Clearly don't have a problem with babies when they look after one.