I feel horrible

[Chantelleee]

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, around April 2017, (which was a shock), I always wanted to breast feed. The government and everyone says "breast is best", and it provides the best nutrient content to your baby. Also my midwife and health visitor told me this and even discussed this with me. I planned on bottle feeding too so my boyfriend could feed her and i wouldn't have to constantly extract. Also I'm very body conscious that people would make comments about it if I did it in public, not that it would matter cause I'm feeding my child. So fast forward to January 2018, I gave birth to my baby girl. She attached to me for about 5 mins straight away. But from then on I just couldn't provide enough milk for her, I tried so hard that I was crying when she was crying. I was devastated everything I tried and couldn't feed her. I was in hospital 3 days and she just wasn't eating or anything. We were sent home and within 24 hours we had a standard midwife examination at home where she said my little girl had developed jaundice (which again I blamed myself for) constantly asking WHYYYY. I feel like the worst parent ever cause I couldn't breast feed and I still have medical people in my ear about how "I missed out". It got so bad an individual midwife told me to STOP breastfeeding. I just wish I could. Anyone else have a similar problem?

It sounds like you haven't had enough support (whichever path you choose) - and good on you for trying! Babies grow up completely healthy on formula too. That said, breastfeeding can be great and if you are keen then it's worth you getting some more support. Do you have a local La Leche League? Have you looked at kellymom? If the feeding is the issue, you could also express so she is getting a few bottles a day of breast milk alongside formula - less common in the UK but very usual in the US so sites like Kellymom are great for advice here. Mixed feeding is also an option, so she's getting enough but also the benefits of feeding.

I mixed fed (mostly bottle) my first after a similar start and it felt so rubbish, but she's absolutely fjne. You're doing a great job. It also doesn't mean you'll never feed - with more support and experience, and a baby who 'got it's quicker, I exclusively breastfed my second later on.

Congratulations on your new baby and hope all sorts out soon x

Although full term, my baby was tiny when he was born (5lb 5oz). He failed a test in hospital which meant he had to have his bloods taken every 12 hours & it was extremely important that he could eat well. My milk hadn't come in so he needed to be bottle fed. For some reason the midwives did this instead of me which delayed very important bonding time. When we got home I tried to BF but aside from the fact that it was difficult & I needed to use nipple guards, I just didn't like doing it. May have been the start of my PND I don't know. We combination fed for 3 weeks, then bottle only after that. I felt like I had failed, especially as close friends had managed to BF. However, I'm writing this as I watch my nearly 2yo DS play. He is HUGE for his age. I haven't stunted his growth or caused him any problems by not bf. He also had jaundice. I don't know a baby who didn't have it at least mildly - it's so common & is not caused by anything the Mum did or didn't do. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Being a Mum is HARD & it isn't as simple as BF= good Mum, bottle = bad Mum.

I'm shocked they sent you home when feeding wasn't established. The support after for breastfeeding is really poor. I was also signed off by midwives despite my son being jaundiced, they said to 'stick him in the window'.

I won't go into it but had such a battle to get my son breastfeeding, it took 4 weeks to latch him on, expressing, milk supply issues and the other day I finally chucked the towel in after 5 1/2 weeks of stress and more milk supply issues. I decided I would rather he was fed and gained weight.

I still feel guilty every time he has that bottle but I know I've made the right choice for us. You shouldn't blame yourself because you didn't have the correct support. It's not always straight forward for everyone.

I was there with my twins, sort of - they were in nicu so I was pumping and they were tube fed but when I was able to latch them they just couldn’t do it. They had terrible latch and transfer and I found it really triggered PND for me. I would see a lactation consultant if you can. I kept pumping every 2 hours for 7 months due to guilt but I still had to supplement, it was awful. If you have to stop I promise it’s not the end of the world - be proud of how hard you’ve tried, many would have stopped sooner

I think it's to late now to be honest. She just turned 5 months. She will be going onto solids shortly. I have started giving her baby porridge which she likes and just brought her first highchair. I didn't know there was such a thing called a lactation consultant. Thank you for the advice. I'm glad I'm not alone. I will remember this for the future, I plan on having one more in the future. Thank you again

Just read the rest of the reply. My daughter is now 5 months. I cited up of breast milk within 3 months. I don't have any left. Much to my disappointment cause I haven't used it. I'm surprised the midwives signed you off with a jaundice baby. They were all hovering around me when I left the hospital. My baby had to have a tube up her nose into her stomach for 4 days due to soo much weight loss. I didn't have tons of support I was just told to give up and I guess I did. But they said it more polite. I didn't know there was as much help so I will remember that for the future. I just currently feel soo horrible I'm apparently "not giving the best to my child"

I’m sorry you had a rubbish experience without enough support. It’s normal to feel like you’re not producing enough milk at the beginning - babies are on your breast all the time. Sitting on a sofa feeding for the first 8 weeks is entirely normal. I didn’t know this with my first and was so, so worried and exhausted.
Babies thrive on formula. You have nothing to feel guilty for. When your baby starts eating you can also pack their diet with amazing, nutritious foods.

Please stop beating yourself up - I’ve been there and it does no good. You did your best, and formula is perfectly fine - as you say, she’ll soon be weaning and eating a variety of foods. It feels like such a huge thing at the time but looking back it makes me so sad that I wasted the first months of their life weeping about feeding and pumping rather than cuddling them and enjoying them.

You really shouldn't feel horrible it sounds as though you've done everything you could but you just haven't had the support. My girl is 6 weeks and breast feeding is one of the hardest things I ever had to learn to do, she wasn't feeding properly the first two days and no one noticed. My nipples ended up cracked and bleeding, she was jaundice and falling asleep after 30 seconds on the breast. I was readmitted and stayed for three nights until I stopped pressing the buzzer to get her to latch. It was still three weeks before I could feed her in any other position other than laying down. The difference is I had fantastic support from the midwives in the hospital and my local breast feeding group. If I hadn't of had thay support I know 100% she would be on formula now. Please don't feel bad your baby is fed and heathy you're doing everything you should.

Thank you for all the comments everyone. I really appreciate it. You have all been so supportive. I never expected so much support. Thank you again. We're always told that nothing is good enough by health visitors and other "professionals", no matter what you do so you constantly feel you're doing something wrong. Don't do this and don't do that. Everything should be at the parents discretion but it's not cause they follow a book that is 70% written by people with no children who know nothing.