What can your 10yr old do?

[FrangipaniBlue]

Specifically, household jobs wise?

When I was younger I was responsible for making my bed, dusting/tidying my room, putting dirty clothes in the laundry.

I also swept the yard/decking once a weekend to earn my pocket money.

I can't remember what age I started doing these things so I'm guessing quite young but I know that from I started secondary school I could also cook basic meals for myself and I could iron.

My query is at what age should my DS be doing/able to do these things? What should he be doing for his age?

I confess I have made a complete rod for my own back and do everything for him. He will make his bed but only if I tell him to, ditto picking his dirty clothes off the floor and putting them in the laundry, but he only does these things when I ask, it's never automatic.

Similarly dirty cups/plates - he will take them to the kitchen if I remind him but if I don't then they stay wherever he put them down whether that's his bedroom or the living room!

If he wants a drink he asks me or DH to make him one, he's polite enough and says please so we generally do it!!

Don't get me wrong it's not in a spoilt or demanding way, and he doesn't moan or kick off if we ask him to do things, he does them happily enough so I know it's just how we've got him because we've always done everything for him.

The other night he asked for pizza for his tea, I suggested he do it but with me supervising to make sure he was ok and he looked at me liked I'd gone mad

I'd really like to give him some more independence and start learning him to do things for himself, but also get him doing some things "automatically" without being asked to.

Any ideas what sorts of things are reasonable to expect a 10yr old to do and how I go about encouraging him to do them???

My initial thoughts are:

• making bed
• dirty clothes in laundry
• putting his own clean clothes away in his wardrobe/drawers
• putting his dirty dishes in the kitchen
• helping himself to drinks/snacks

I have two ten years olds, a boy and a girl.

They can both:

Keep their rooms tidy
Make and strip their beds
Gather up their dirty clothes and towels for the laundry basket
Clean their bathroom sinks.
Load/load dishwasher
Put out bins and replace bin bag
Make hot drinks for themselves and others
Make porridge, sandwiches, scrambled eggs, omelettes, boiled eggs, pancakes and pasta.
Grate, chop and dice vegetables.
Start the washing machine if asked
Hoover, dust, wash the floor
Unload and put away groceries
Put clean laundry away in their rooms.
Clean windows and mirrors
Sew on a button.

They don’t have regular chores but are expected to keep their rooms tidy, sort their laundry, make their own breakfasts on a daily basis.

They rest of the things on the list they are expected to do if asked though they have started eg emptying bins of their own accord. They usually make me my morning tea too.

They have recently requested to be taught to iron.

My DH was taught to do nothing by his parents. He left home not being able to cook, clean or do laundry.

We’re determined that by the time our kids go off to uni they will be able to take care of themselves.

My 4 year old puts her dirty clothes away in the wash bin and helps sweep up the patio every weekend after the lawn has been cut. I would expect a child 6 year older to be able to make own drinks, simple meals like toast, or a basic sandwich. Tidying room and perhaps some responsibility to earn money.

That's what I want him to be able to do @Happyandshiney all the things on your list, I just wasn't sure if I had unreasonably high expectations!!

Thank you, I'm going to get cracking on that list

Happy to help Frangi most of the things on the list they’ve just learned naturally by helping us and joining in. None of them are difficult.

We do have a “Everyone mucks in” attitude in the household which they’ve participated in since they were tiny.

The making hot drinks and cooking they've learned over the last two years however height may be a factor in this area. My two are tall so have no problem lifting a kettle or stirring something at the hob. I have friends who won’t let their ten year olds do those things because they feel it isn’t safe.

As I said they don’t have regular chores and we don’t pay them for household help. They are just expected to assist on request.

DS is so grown up and mature, he's polite, gets on well with everyone, friendly, outgoing, does brilliant at school.....

I feel like domestication is the one area I've failed him

I wouldn't care, it's not like I do it for DH, he's told to sort himself out in no uncertain terms

I’d get him the Usborne Cookbook for boys and let him choose a recipe and cook with one day a week. We did this with our DS and he can cook. Like others have said, I don’t want him leaving home at 18 not being able to care for himself.

The 10 yo can cook meals for herself and bake too.

There’s a really good Preteens Section on MN too OP if you fancy coming over and —having a moan— getting sone really useful advice

I realised after I posted this @JiltedJohnsJulie but don't know how to ask MNHQ to move my thread!

I asked him to get himself a school jumper out of the wardrobe this morning and he said "I can't".

When I asked him why not he explained it's because "he can't do it right and leaves everything all messed up" at which point I realised my ridiculous need for tidy and order has left him thinking he can't do things because he won't do it right or up to my standard - this made me really sad

My 9yo gets himself drinks, breakfast and snacks unless someone else happens to be in the kitchen and asks him. He'll put his own pizza in the oven or make his own toastie/instant noodles if he doesn't want to wait for me to do it. He also irons his clothes if there's something he wants and he deems my standards not high enough (!)

Taking plates out, making bed, tidying room, cleaning bathroom sinks, these are things he can do but only will when asked/reminded. I prefer to put his washing away as he jumbles it otherwise, and I do everyone's washing because nobody else separates colours.

Oh yes he will put his clothes in the washing basket, otherwise I don't do them. But I don't expect him to put them in the machine.

Oh dear. My ten year old does zilch. Except chop up mushrooms. For some bizarre reason she likes that.

My kids are 6, 9 and 11.

All responsible for sorting laundry (I have different tubs for different loads) and putting own clean clothes away. All will pair socks though generally need a financial bribe. All tidy bedrooms. Older ones can change bedlinen. Younger one can strip a bed but can't put a duvet cover on because he's too little too manage it.

They set and clear the table, load and unload dishwasher, dry dishes.
Older ones hoover when asked. Younger one would but too small to manage the hoover. He will man the dustpan and brush when we sweep though.

Older ones chop veggies for meals, make simple meals (eggs etc). The 9 year old is into baking and can make cakes and biscuits including using the oven unsupervised.

There is no specific age for doing these things, as long as they can do it by the time they leave home! I have 3 boys they have all been different in terms of independence, and i soon learnt not to compare them to anyone else's children (or to each other). Just encourage your child to do what you think they are capable of and focus on positive encouragement rather than "chores".

Oh and the problem with these threads is you will get people telling you their 5 year old is capable of running the whole household by themselves!

Frangi keeling a drawer/cupboard tidy isn’t difficult, it just requires practice.

You need to give him the opportunity to practice and you need make an agreement with him you aren’t going to
criticise his efforts while he learns.

On the other hand “I won’t do it right” is also the song of lazy people everywhere.

Needing things to be “perfect” or done in a very specific way is how many of the women I know ended up with the lion’s share of the housework. My DH doesn’t iron as well as I do but you will never hear me say that in real life.

Your job as a parent isn’t to ensure he has the neatest drawers ever, or never drips the teabag on the kitchen counter or burns the food he’s cooking.

Your job is to give him the skills to be a fully functioning adult who can take care of himself. The fact that it’s not quite to your personal standards is irrelevant- he’ll develop his own standards and his own ways to do things.

My Mum taught me to cook, to do housework, to do laundry and to sew.

My sewing will never be to her standard but my cooking is actually rather better than hers.

The standard to which you do things is mostly about personal choice. Gaining the skill in the first place is the key thing.

Our job as parents is to teach independence.

I have 2 stepchildren - 10 & 13. When my OH and I moved in together 2 years ago I quickly realised they couldn’t do anything for themselves. Not anything, couldn’t put dirty clothes in a wash basket, pull their duvets over to make their beds, make themselves a glass of squash. Their mum does everything for them.

Things are different in our house. I work FT, have a long commute and to be frank i’m not a slave.

They put their clothes in the wash baskets (they’ve had a tough lesson - if it isn’t in, it doesn’t get washed). They make their own beds, make drinks for the family, lay the table, clear the rabble and load the dishwasher.

Oldest (13) can’t cook anything or even make toast. I’m teaching them both. At this age I expect children to have basic kitchen skills and be able to cook meals. Neither could even turn the oven on until 6 months ago. They become as independent as you teach them. And ‘I can’t’ means they ‘can’t be arsed’.

And ‘I can’t’ means they ‘can’t be arsed’.

Too right, my DS (now 17 ) is just so lazy, of couse he has been taught to do all those household chores from a young age but actually getting him to do them, and cleaning the pit that is his room, is a different matter.

He passed his cookery GCSE but goodness knows how. I really dread the thought that I am raising the sort of useless manchild you read about on here. My DH does, of course, know how to run a home and do all domestic chores - I would be horrified if my own DS wasn't the same.

My DC are 9 and nearly 12.

Both of them can sort snacks for themselves. DD (9) likes porridge and can make it herself, but sometimes I do it if we're in a rush in the morning. I expect them to put dirty laundry in the basket (otherwise I won't wash it), and clean laundry away in their drawers. They help set the table and clear it. DS does his packed lunch for school. They are also responsible for sorting and putting out the recycling.

We focus on a positive 'we all live here, so we all help' message.

DD's room gets very messy, so I will sometimes put some music on and help her tidy, otherwise she seems to flip out a bit and not know where to start.