Am I worrying over nothing...

[Daisypops]

Every evening my mum comes down to help me out a bit with dd, because my mum works through the day, evenings are the only time she gets to see her apart from on sundays. DD used to be fine with my mum on an evening, let her change her, bathe her, hold her etc. All of a sudden dd won't let my mum hold her or bathe her. My dp works shifts, which means he is away most evenings and nights so having my mum around used to really help and give me a break. My mum has been there sice dd was born and has done nothing which may have put dd off her. My question is is this 'normal' behaviour for an 18 week old? I am quite upset about it as is my mum, could it be that dd wants to chill out on evenings and doesn't want to be held and fussed over? I posted a few weeks ago about dd having a croaky throat. I thought because she was a bit under the weather she didn't want to be with anyone but me and her dad, but her croaky throat has gone and she still wont have anything to do with my poor mum. Please help, its driving me round the bend. Any reassurance and advice gratefully received. TIA.

I see on your profile she is 4 months old? I think especially at this age they go through stages of being clingy or preferring one person over another. I wouldn't worry about it. It will probably pass as quickly as it started.

yep, it's probably separation anxiety - it will pass soon.

Its already been going on for 3-4 weeks though, is this ok? Feeling very bad for my mum.

Its so frustrating. Hope is passes soon. She hardly ever cries but as soon as my mum picks her up she cries like she never has before, its shocking to see her like that, we've tried distraxting her but she doesn;t want to know. Aaaaggh! Thanks for your replies, I appreciate them. Please let me know if you have any more thoughts or advice.

I agree with all posters. Just keep on with the norm, encourage your Mum to do as she always did and she will soon revert. Little things can upset them like teething or weaning, that we may not know about until it's passed. There's a development stage like this at 8/9m too and around 18m. For me to know it was to be expected made it a lot easier to ignore, knowing they all do it.

Brambalina, how should I deal with her when she cries like this? Should I take her back off my mum? Put her down and leave her? We've tried just about eveything. On thursday night she cried for an hour and a half non stop because my mum was bathing her and holding her. If I take her from my mum when she cries am I giving in? I have asked, the Health Visitor and the doctor and they say 'you should know, you're her mum' But I don't. I could scream at them.

Sorry you are finding this difficult, I really sympathise.
I would stay with her while your Mum holds/bathes/plays with her., so you are in sight even though your Mum is closer to her ot has more contact. Build up her confidence. Yes I would say that if you take her from your Mum she may see it as "giving in" and IMO this probably won't solve the problem, just prolong it for you. If and when she cries have you tried almost "ignoring" her cries, and playing along with her and your Mum at the same time IYSWIM, like not rising to it? And just talking softly to calm her down, maybe singing etc. Does she understand "peek a boo" yet, and smile at you when you do this? You could try doing this and then swapping places with your Mum, that kind of thing. HTH?

Brambalina,

We've tried everything, I stay in sight, try and distract her, talk to her whilst my mum is holding her etc. We shared getting her dressed last night and as soon as my mum took over she cried. She cries so hard that nothing can stop her, just when I hold her and walk around with her. It seems that my mum can play with her whilst shes on the floor etc but as soon as she holds her she cries. Its is honestly driving me round the twist.

Daisypops, this is just a thought but I found the end of the day probably the most difficult time of the day for babies. They are often really tired from the day's stimulation and all they want is a very quiet and peaceful wind down and cuddle/ feed with very little or no stimulation. Early evening is also when little problems eg. reflux, colic or general feeling below par can be worse for some babies so they sometimes are more clingy to their primary carer. Although he was tired my ds often struggled to get to sleep and really needed a quiet time with just me at night to wind down from the day.

I realise that changing this routine would mean your mum sees a bit less of your dd but it won't be long and she'll be older and more settled and will welcome a more extended bathtime session with a new face at the end of the day. Perhaps your mum could get on with starting dinner or do other things to help you of an evening just for a while until things settle down again.

hi mumofeve, yes i have thought it might be this. She used to be ok on an evening but maybe her litle personailty is coming thru and she wants just me or her dad. I'll have to see how we go, Just feel for my poor mum.