Toddler is a nightmare in the car

[upsydaisysister]

DD is 18months old and is an absolute nightmare in the car unless she is eating or drinking. A new toy will distract her but these only last a short period of time and she is bored again.
She screams and tries to escape her car seat. I've just ordered the strap to hold the straps together to prevent her from breaking free.
She starts with a grizzle but will culminate in piercing screams.
It's really unpleasant and singing songs etc sometimes calms her but not always. We also have kids cds but again, it depends what her mood is.
She is a little madam anyway and we have some epic tantrums which are pretty awful but not distracting or dangerous.
Does anyone have any tips as to how to deal with this? It's becoming such an issue I avoid anywhere with a little bit of distance to it... anything over 20mins!!

Portable DVD player?

One of the DVD players that fit over a front headrest?

I thought they were all like that?

I have something that holds my phone and I play telly on it

What is it about the car she doesn't like that causes her to react like that?
Sometimes when kids are sensitive to a certain noise it's hard for them to block it out and screaming is their only way of making the noise stop.

Are you town driving so the engine note changes a lot?

Try her with ear defenders for a start to see if that makes any difference.

She is a little madam anyway and we have some epic tantrums which are pretty awful but not distracting or dangerous

Maybe she's trying to communicate her distress/frustration in the only way she knows how and you're not picking up on her signals?

I am picking up on her signals. The signals are that she wants her own way and doesn't want to be in the car.
When she is having a tantrum it's because she wants to hold the sharp knife, or to eat the biscuits I am about to buy, or to crawl on the pavement rather than walk.

Trying to avoid the iPad route as I use it to entertain her when I'm getting ready in the morning or cooking her tea. I would definitely download some Peppa Pig/Waffle for long journeys though.

Maybe this is just the way they are at this age! I'm expecting another baby soon so hoping she will be happy to gabble to him/her.... Although it could just be double trouble and I'll have two little screamers in the back

She is a little madam anyway She's not, she's a toddler who cant communicate with you in any other way.

Perhaps there is a sensory aspect to it as @BlankTimes suggested? My goddaughter would scream blue murder in the car on every journey. When the car was idling (traffic lights/traffic jam etc) she would stop, but while driving and engine off, she was a force to be reckoned with.

It turns out that for her, it was sensory and she multiple others connected to ASD & ADHD. Of course, I am not suggesting this is the case with your dd, but there is certainly something that is making her feel like this.

She would be very happy in the car if she wasn't strapped in. Not really an option... So yes, a tantrum because she isn't getting her own way.

Is she rear or front facing?

I was going to ask the same as @Phoenix76 - my DD became much happier in the car when we swapped her to forward facing at 19 months' old.

Only put her in car when she’s tired and had a run around already

That’s the angle I was coming from @dontforgetto ! The difference in mine was immediate, but if op’s dc is already forward facing I was hoping to come up with some ideas.

I agree about not using screens - my kids can be hideous in the car but I'm trying to push through the pain barrier and hoping they'll become good travellers because of it.

Could you try putting her up front with you, if it's just you and her in the car? Or could she strap in her teddy/doll next to her before you strap her in? That bit of role-playing often helps my DD know that it's a non-negotiable

You can also get clip on play bars - she’s probably bored if she’s travelling and it’s not her nap time

As pp's said, is she rear or front facing?

Totally feel your pain op, DD is the same age and hates the car - we've tried everything, but she just screams

Oh yes and make sure she's ready for a sit down anyway.

She's forward facing now.
We talk about what's outside, sing songs, different toys.... sometimes snacks (always works but I hate doing that!)
I guess this is just another one of those phases 🙄
I like the role play idea. We do this with trolleys which works well as she is more concerned with checking teddy is strapped in and sleeping than escaping.... Most of the time anyway!!

I know that you've tried nursery rhymes, but I really recommend They Might be Giants. We had Here Comes Science and Here Comes the 1, 2, 3s. It's really not my type of music but for some reason it totally entranced my two when they were little. I recommend them to some friends and most of them found the same, that there's something about it that sounds like generic pop to adults but catches the attention of little kids.

Would something to keep her busy help? DD liked poking pompoms through a hole into a marg pot at that age.

Or an aqua doodle or something?

BigPierre

Yes you probably have tried activities, what about stickers? Or those magic crayola colouring books/pens which only work on the book so no mess.

Oh @BigPierre I missed your post and now it's been deleted.

My son used to be awful in the car. He grew out of it at about 2 but I do sympathise. Hopefully once the baby arrives she will like having the company, my DS loves to tell me what his sister is doing and they hold hands. It’s very cute.
Also I changed his harness ff car seat to one with a impact shield, I think he felt less hemmed in and didn’t fight to get out like the straps (he could actually open the red button!). It gives him a little table to play on and he likes that he can climb in himself. WE have the Recaro Monza Nova IS, but the Kiddy Guardianfix or Phoenixfix are both excellent too.
Little things that might help you OP, fingers crossed. Basically I found 18-30 months a flipping nightmare, through it now with DS who is 3.5 but got a 15 month DD who looks to also have a very, uhem, challenging personality!

upsydaisysister BigPierre's post just said 'chloroform'. I took it as a joke and thought quite funny but looks like it offended someone...

Any chance she's a bit car sick? DD was awful in the car and then on a couple of journeys did some epic puking and we realised that maybe she'd been a bit motion sick and that was making her grumpy.

We did a bit of googling on what to do (window open, get them to look outpace, no screens or books, no snacks) and that made a big difference.

Thanks for everyone's tips!
I don't think she is car sick... she will happily munch on silencing snacks but she might like the window open a bit...she loves her fan.
Haha @Smellyjo I'd have found that funny too.
I have wondered if there are too many toys in the car so she knows/thinks that if she chucks one on the floor when she's bored, she can have something else. That's not such a problem if there is a passenger but when I'm driving it's not safe to start trying to find Peppa Pig at the back of the seat!