Toddler tantrums

[graysor]

Dd is 2.5 and has really upped her game in tantrumming recently. I’m trying really hard, but struggling with knowing how best to handle them.

I’ve read how to talk so little kids will listen, and do my best to stick with those type approaches where possible.

Today dd tantrummed for a full hour over ‘wanting to go somewhere else (never worked out where)’ and not being allowed to watch tv until after lunch.

She was screaming, shouting, crying. Any attempt to distract her resulted in her throwing whatever it was I was using to try and divert her attention. Any attempt to lighten the mood or distract her with singing, silly dancing etc just results in angry shouting of ‘stop it mummy’. Attempts to hold or cuddle her or move her or even just sit near her caused her to throw herself on the floor and thrash out at me.

Wwyd in this situation?

I am dealing with the same thing with my 2.2 year old twins.

So, I too, am needing advice as my 'go to' technique of ignoring it isnt quite working (and it's probably driving my neighbours spare)

💪💪

"I'm not going to talk to you until you stop shouting at me." Leave room or continue jobs in the room she is in. Ignore shouting, continue to repeat the above sentence calmly until you sound like a broken record.

DD is 2.9. Sometimes it takes longer than others, but she always comes around in the end with this approach. I would add though that her communication and understanding skills are above average for her age.

I'd avoid trying to cuddle or distract as this is the attention she wants and she'll keep going.

When dd had tantrums I videoed her having one on my phone!! Whenever one started I asked her if she wanted to see how silly she looked having one!!
She calmed down ASAP!!

You just have to ignore as much as you can. I usually have one go at distraction/cheer up then its an 'ok well whenever you're finished let me know and we can have a cuddle/play whatever' then just carry on. If uts an epic one i might ask if they are finished every now and then to remind them they can stop and move on but otherwise try not to engage. It does get better honest!!

If you get in there quickly distraction may work. But once a tantrum is in full swing you’re wasting your time. Just don’t give the behaviour any attention. Carry on with your day as if it isn’t happening. I do faux breezy chat to myself, DD, anyone else to show that I’m not riled! Good luck! Toddlers are a pain in the ass at times!

Ignoring is definitely the way forward then. Thanks for the reassurance. That is what I ended up doing. Just intermittently reminiding her she could come for a cuddle and her lunch whenever she was ready. It just took soooo long for her to come round!
3 or 4 times she came over a bit calmer and as if for a hug. But the just kicked offer again!

Yes ignore or try to distract before the tantrum actually starts. Divert with something completely different!

Yes ignore or try to distract before the tantrum actually starts. Divert with something completely different!

Have you tried using the tools from the first chapter in that book (How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen)? If you see your DD working towards a tantrum, you can stomp your feet and shake your fist and say "Oh NO! DD wants to go to (fill in the blank). She does NOT want to have to stop for lunch!! She wants to go NOW!!" Be really dramatic. That sort of thing often has worked for my kids -- I can avert a tantrum if I acknowledge their feelings with words (that's the tool from the book). Then when they're calmer I can say, "We need to find a time when we CAN go to (fill in the blank). Hmm... let me see..." It might not be until tomorrow... or next week... but at least they know I'm taking them seriously.

This has the added benefit of teaching DD how to express all that frustration. It's great when the kids start saying "I AM FRUSTRATED!" instead of tantruming!