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Advice regarding my sons father

5 replies

MissDee87 · 08/06/2018 16:06

Hi

I need a good vent and feel rather upset/annoyed at the moment. To cut a long story short me and my sons father split before they were 2 years old (twins). They are now 11 years old and have never really enjoyed going to their fathers house. Always kicked up a bit of a fuss about having to go. For years Iv encouraged them and told them it's important to go and see him etc etc
But for a few months now they have been coming home telling me how dirty his house is and that they can't walk on the floor in their bedroom. The kitchen is full of moulder cups and dishes and they have had to eat off serviettes before now because there is no clean dishes. They also have to sit on a dirty floor to eat as the kitchen table is full of crap. They have also been coming home with bites for a while. I brought the bites up to him a few months ago and sent him pictures. He tried to say it wasn't from his house but I politely told him to check for bed bugs etc. As it's happening too often.
The boys have got that fed up of it that they took pictures on their phone to show me the state of the house and I was horrified. No bedding on their beds, no walking space on the bedroom floor or landing. Dirty underwear all over the bathroom floor. The kitchen floor is full of dirty clothes. Wrappers. Kitchen tops has no space on as there is so much junk in there. And the living room is no better. I asked their father to sort the house out a month ago as it was upsetting the boys being there in that environment. I was very polite about it giving him the opportunity to sort his house out. Bearing in mind there is two other children living there too . A month later it hasn't changed and I messaged him on Wednesday telling him the boys didn't want to stay there anymore because they don't want to be in that environment. I said it was their decision not mine and I had to respect their wishes. He usually has them for tea on a Wednesday and I havnt has a reply back from him. I'm pretty sure I'm not being unreasonable and I'm more annoyed regardless of how embarrassed he is that he hasn't even replied back to acknowledge that there is a problem that needs addressing. For him and the boys sake. Have I done the right thing?

OP posts:
ClareB83 · 08/06/2018 16:20

Are you kidding?! This wouldn't be the boys' decision, I would be saying 'they're not coming while your home is filthy' and I'd be telling social services as two other children live there.

tiktok · 08/06/2018 16:23

Absolutely the right thing.

Is there a court ordered child arrangements order in place?

You can challenge this - not by refusing to make the children available to see him, but by stipulating the place. The bar is set fairly low (IMO) and you'd have to say the children's well being was at risk, but you can say this as you have evidence of the skin problems.

Are social services involved?

anotherangel2 · 08/06/2018 16:26

Are there are other children in ex’s house? I would have immediately stopped contact when I saw the photos.

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MissDee87 · 08/06/2018 17:33

To be honest I've tried to do the right thing and gave him the benefit of the doubt to change for his sake aswel as the boys sake. Rather than stop contact straight away I let him know I was aware of the boys concerns and that it needs to change. I know for me I feel better knowing I gave him the chance to change and he ignored my request so he only has himself to blame. The boys agreed with his too.
There is no court order in place and I think he knows if he got a solicitor involved he wouldn't have a leg to stand on if it did end up going to court.
I just don't know how anyone can live that way his wife to be doesn't work and sits on her a#%$ all day and I think how lazy are you?! There are two other children living there too one is around 9 and the other around 4!

OP posts:
tiktok · 08/06/2018 22:10

Start investigating a court ordered arrangement? You have to seek mediation first - mediation will bring all your concerns to the fore.

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