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Original poster

Social services' recommendation...

32 replies

zozozoo · 08/06/2018 05:05

They have recommended that my children stay in the care of their dad. Police have been involved when the children were interviewed. Police have not been in touch with me so whatever allegation is I guess not of a crime...
There is now a long bank holiday weekend ahead where they have again 'recommended' supervised contact in public only, which I have arranged.
My question is what do these recommendations count for? Eg if the kids want to come home would that be a problem?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Ivegotfamilyandidrinkcupsoftea · 08/06/2018 05:23

What has happened to lead to this? How old are dc?

SoddingUnicorns · 08/06/2018 05:25

I’d suggest speaking to a solicitor to see where to go from here. The recommendations may or may not be legally binding (depending on any orders in place) but defying SS wouldn’t help your case.

Can you contact SS and ask why?

Original poster

zozozoo · 08/06/2018 06:35

Of course I've asked why. They won't tell me. I can guess and if I'm right it's something that wasn't great but which can easily have been made to sound far worse. I don't want to cause trouble but I've got my son crying on Skype saying why do we have to stay here again. Their dad had also taken this opportunity to introduce his girlfriend... Will try calling them again and police also... How do I know if there's an order in place?

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FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 08/06/2018 06:37

Do you have a specific social worker?

Sleephead1 · 08/06/2018 06:41

I think it's terrible they won't tell you. Is it something you have done ? who has reported it ? Did you have a social worker already or has this just suddenly happened out of the blue ? I honestly don't know what to advice but it sounds awful hopefully someone with experience will be along soon

Battleax · 08/06/2018 06:45

You do need a (child protection) solicitor. Fast.

How old are the D.C.?

Original poster

zozozoo · 08/06/2018 06:47

I have the name of the person who was dealing with things yesterday that's all. Yes I had a stress at the kids when we were going to be late. Been under a lot of pressure. Their dad reported me and not for the first time he calls them about the most ridiculous things which thankfully they have seen right through up until this point. We're going through an acrimonious divorce...

OP posts:

Original poster

zozozoo · 08/06/2018 06:49

What would a solicitor be able to do?

OP posts:

SouthWestmom · 08/06/2018 06:49

Did he keep them after contact? And then contact police and SS after one of the dc made a disclosure? That's the only way this makes sense to me based on what you said?

Agree you need a solicitor

Devilishpyjamas · 08/06/2018 06:51

I would keep asking them why. I have come across this before and it worried me. (So allegation unsubstantiated but actions taken as if it had been proven).

Could you email whoever is at the top (police, SS & safeguarding cream?) and cc your MP making clear you have not been told what you have been investigated for and the children are displaying a lot of distress at the separation.

Devilishpyjamas · 08/06/2018 06:51

Team not cream!

Theusual · 08/06/2018 06:51

Are you in the uk? You mention a bank holiday?

Do the children normally live with you? How often are they with their father?

Devilishpyjamas · 08/06/2018 06:52

Or yes agree about solictor (& fast)

TrojanWhore · 08/06/2018 06:55

AFAIK, if it is a recommendation, rather than a requirement, then your DC do not have to remain away. But going against recommendations may nit be a wise course of action.

An arrangement for supervised contact in public only is unusual. I suspect you do know exactly what is going on, that your guess is accurate, and that you are minimising. I realise that sounds harsh. But if you want the recommendations removed (rather than turned into an order), then I think you need to face up to what is going on, why it causes concern, and deal with it.

I also suspect you are recycling an older post - there are no Bank Holidays coming up - in which case how long has all this been going on? Or you are not in any part of UK, in which case MN (a British site) might not produce relevant advice)

matchingpjs · 08/06/2018 06:57

I think it sounds as if you 'having a stress' has resulted in the children being upset and telling their father. Father has reacted by asking the advise of Social Services and they have advised that father can just keep the children with him. Did you hit them or just shout?
It's not a bank holiday in UK so guess you're elsewhere
Are you happy to leave the children with their father until after the holiday? Then get to a solicitor immediately they open

Original poster

zozozoo · 08/06/2018 06:59

He returned them home after contact and we had a nice evening. It was the next day that I got the call. Yes they normally live with me. I will write an email that's a good idea phone calls can so easily be forgotten

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SoddingUnicorns · 08/06/2018 06:59

@TrojanWhore I’m in Scotland and we had a bank holiday at the end of May. Don’t know if the rest of the UK did, but we definitely did.

OP a solicitor can act for you, as a point of contact with SS or in any potential court proceedings. It sounds like you do know what the incident is, and so moving forward from here you need to work out what you want to do and then see what the solicitor can do.

Supervised contact in a public place seems a very strong action for SS to take so I’m given to wonder if you’re minimising what happened.

Theusual · 08/06/2018 07:06

Op is saying this weekend is bank holiday?

Get a solicitor whatever the circumstances.

ApolloandDaphne · 08/06/2018 07:07

Sounnds like one of your children made an allegation and then police and SW have interviewer them. The allegation must be against you if SS are suggesting they stay with their father. Probably the investigation is still ongoing and the police maybe need to get some statements etc from others. They won't tell you what it is about as the police may need to interview you under caution and they can't prejudice the investigation. That is all completely normal. I used to work as a SW along with the police doing such investigations.

Original poster

zozozoo · 08/06/2018 07:08

And to be sure I'm not minimising I'm well aware that what I did was wrong and must have been a bit scary but they were not hurt - this is not a regular occurrence and the children are not in any danger from me. I'm aware that laws vary from place to place thank you.

OP posts:

TrojanWhore · 08/06/2018 07:11

Yes, in May.

The Opening Post was written in June and refers to an Bank Holiday ahead

There are no upcoming Bank Hols anywhere in UK is 6 Aug or 27 Aug.

BTW it doesn't matter if this has been going on (and perhaps posted about elsewhere) for at least a month already, nor if OP is outwith UK. I was just after a bit of clarity, as one of those factors would make a big difference (other is more of a scene setter IYSWIM)

SoddingUnicorns · 08/06/2018 07:12

@TrojanWhore I missed “ahead”, sorry. You’re absolutely right.

FuckMyUterus · 08/06/2018 07:13

I think the OP is Irish if that helps PP.
OP, I was reported by my sons school to SS about unexplained bruising. As I was honest and open and said some of them were from playing and some of them I could have caused myself by restraint (he has SEN) they closed the referral with No Further Action. It doesn't sound to me like you're minimising, perhaps rather than that, you've just not been totally honest with SS, and that is more of a concern to them than you saying you've had a stress and screamed at/shouted at/been a bit mean to your children in the heat of the moment. Please, PLEASE take my advice and just be honest! They don't take children from parents for a bit of shouting in isolated incidents. They do take children whose parents can't admit they struggle sometimes and who try to hide minor behaviours, as it's seen as something to hide.

SoddingUnicorns · 08/06/2018 07:15

If it was just shouting it seems like a major overreaction from SS and ex (is it out of spite on his part? Has he manipulated the children into exaggerating?)

Original poster

zozozoo · 08/06/2018 07:15

Anyway thank you ask for your advice I appreciate it and understand your suspicions I just don't want to go into detail on here think that's unnecessary for the purpose of trying to find out how the system works.

OP posts:

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