How to juggle two?

[LizzyBennet1813]

Help! Rarely use mumsnet but I'm struggling a bit and thought I'd see what responses I get on here.

So I have a 3 year old and a 2 month old. I've found the jump from one to two hard for several reasons but what I'm wondering today is how other people cope when little one is screaming but your dealing with the older child?
I feel like the baby is always crying unless he's feeding. I always try to make sure his needs are met before I start getting the older one ready but as soon as he's put down he screams. I don't mean he's grizzling in the background I mean really going for it. I'm pretty sure it's cuddles he wants which he gets but obviously there are times when he can't be held. Like when I'm trying to get us all out for an appointment or getting my 3 year old ready or making him lunch etc. My first born was cuddled all the time and I couldn't even put him down to go do a wee, brush my teeth, make food etc and he'd cry all night unless he was on someone. I've tried really hard this time to find more of a balance...to make sure he gets plenty of love and cuddles but at the same time I've tried to get him to nod off for sleep/naps on his own or put him in his swing chair or a playmat independently to have a look around but he just gets himself so worked up.
I feel like I'm being pulled in two!

I'm in a similar boat (but my first is only just 18 months and baby is 2 months and also despised being put down for the most part) so I find because my eldest doesn't understand and will poke the baby in the face I can't put the baby down safely. A sling has been my saviour! Do you have one? If not can you get to a sling library to try a few and see what you get on with?
The rest of the time baby 2 just has to get on with crying and my nerves have to jangle a bit - I just have to believe it'll get easier as baby 2 gets older and more independent.
andthough, I know how bloody hard it is!

It's definitely a juggle with two. I pretty much just had to let newborn cry. Other than that, the newborn would sleep on me while I sat on the floor and played with the toddler. They're now 17 months and nearly 5 months and things are a lot easier.

I second the idea of a sling.

I have a sling I just don't find it particularly comfortable or easy to move about when I'm wearing it but I do use it from time to time.
My 3 year old is the same in that he'll go and poke the baby or stroke his cheak or give him a kiss which apart from the poking is all really cute but if the baby does manage to settle himself for a minute or two this usually starts him off again.
So yes, most of the time number two is just left to cry it out. People have told me he will 'learn' to settle himself but others say it's cruel to leave a baby to cry so I'm torn.
Thank you for taking the time to reply ⚘

It's a constant juggling act and my heart goes out to you doing it with a grizzly newborn. I'm lucky that my newborn is quite straightforward but if my 4 yr old ds had been my second born I've no idea how I would have coped.

My worst moments have been when dd1 is in meltdown and has become non verbal so I've no idea what's wrong and my newborn has been crying at the same time. I literally don't know who to go to first. Other people crying is a big sensory trigger for ds1 so it's an almost farcical vicious circle of tears and shouting. Luckily these times have been few and far between.

I think we all just cope because there's not really any alternative.

Oh yes and like LizzyBennet1813 said, a sling is fab. I've done dd1s whole tea and bedtime routine, plus cooked myself supper with ds2 in a sling without a peep from him.

My 4 month old basically lives in the sling when I'm alone with both of them. Have you tried out any different slings? You might find something that suits you better. My 3 year old also watches more tv than I'd like so I can deal with the baby.

You have the exact same gap as me. I’d wear DS in a Moby wrap while he was tiny (and then a Tula) and wouldn’t have been without it as he was a cling-on, but there were definitely times where he just had to scream until I got to him. Usually in the car, he hated being in the car but it was tough luck! Conversely there were times DD would have to wait, if he was being fed for example. DS is 3 now, it doesn’t seem to have done him any harm Hang in there, it isn’t an easy time but it will pass.

Thank you it's nice to know I'm not the only one! Will just power on through!

@LikeSilver I think it's really refreshing to here you say that sometimes (not because you're training them or anything) you have to, out of necessity, let them scream for a bit. There are times that it's just unavoidable and they haven't suffered because of it.

@TiffanyDoggett oh absolutely. In the moment it feels awful, but I am one person with two hands who can’t do every single thing —demanded— asked of me all of the time. We need to cut ourselves some slack sometimes, we are all trying our best even if that isn’t perfection.

Obviously it’s personal choice, but a dummy was definitely my friend, too!