neighbours hate my kids playing outside... A bit long

[quofan]

I have 3dcs. dd is 10, ds1 is 9 and ds2 is 6. They have 3 friends of the same age group and they all meet up and play outside (except the youngest - they play in my garden). They ride their bikes, scooters and sometimes play football. As soon as the ball comes out, my neighbour is out shouting at them saying the ball had better not come into his garden. It has on occasion, and they have apologised and asked politely for it back. He called the police on them for the ball going into his garden, even though I have offered to replace or repair anything that might get damaged, though nothing has ever been broken. He is now rallying the other people in the street and we are becoming outcasts. Another man said the children are not allowed to play in our back lane and that they should be in the park - where more unsavoury types take their drugs, drink alcohol and have sex. Am I unreasonable in not wanting my children exposed to this kind of thing? Can they really stop my children playing outside in the street where they live? I really am at my wits end. The kids are terrified, I am a nervous wreck. I suffer depression anyway, and this is not making things any easier. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Can my children really get an asbo for playing outside? Even if they look at the snails on a bit of grass in the lane, they are told to get away. They are honestly good kids and most of the time I am hovering around watching them play, so I know what they're up to. It im making our lives hell.

Sounds horrible. Do any other neighbours have children? What do they do?

Your children have a perfect right to play in their own garden.

If I were you I would be looking at other houses in a more family-oriented area!

What a miserable old tw*t.
As long as they aren't causing a nuisance or making a racket then surely there is no problem.
Part of summer is seeing kids play out. I would much rather see kids kicking a ball around than stuck inside on a playstation.
No advice but just wanted to offer my support. It must be an awful situation for you.

Can you take them to the park yourself? Maybe you could try talking to the neighbours, and see what exactly irritates them so much- perhaps it's a specific game or toy that pees them off more than anything.

There are 2 houses next door to each other across the road from me, and their kids all play outside together most day light hours outside school time. It can be annoying hearing the ball bouncing continually, and them shouting, but it doesn't bother me too much. I can see why it bothers some people though, especially if they don't have kids / their cars are parked outside etc.

Maybe they've become so annoyed by the times they do make any noise, they just can't stand seeing them out there at all. If they're just quiet out there though, and not on their property, it's not really any of their concern.

budababe, the main complainer has 3 grown up children. There are other kids in the street of similar ages, and they do seem to gravitate towards my house but it seems only to be my 3 that get shouted at. My youngest has a friend who comes into our garden to play, and said neighbour has complained about this cos the little boys mum is the ex partner of his son with whom she had a daughter. (Neighbours son buggered off when daughter was born and has only recently expressed an interest in her). I cant do right for doing wrong. He complained when dcs got a trampoline in the garden, so we put it in the back yard. He complained about it in the yard so we took it down completely. Ds2 wants an army lookout post for his b/day, god knows what neighbour will say when this goes in the garden...

The thing is, he is always watching from his window, as if he is waiting for something to shout about. If hed sit and watch telly or something and go away from the window, he wouldnt know they were there!!

VERY VERY unreasonable of your neighbours imo, thats just life. I get fed up of the kids playing football over the back just as I get lo to sleep but that's tough really, one of those things. Very tricky if you want some harmony but all the kids play in the back lanes here. He caled the police? Did they actually come, no, as it's unreasonable, but you don't want friction. Can you speak to the others in your street, do none of them have children? Must be very stressful for you.

i am afraid i wuld et very vicous. good taste and common decency would fly out of the window.

if somone shuoted at my kids i would report him to the police.

envoronmental health - bit of rubbish in his garden causing rats?

h jesus i would make things up.

then i would try and rally other mothers in the area.

start up a group with a fuck you acromyn - cant think of one. Play isn't socially subversive outside (isn't Just) for fogies.

p.i.s.s. o.f.f

or sommat.

then ather support from local churches, priests, schools, playgroups, charities.

put your @groups@ posters up in every window.

fuck him over the miserable old bastard.

Children should be able to play in their garden and near their homes without being subjected to abuse from neighbours - especially as your children sound like they are causing no trouble at all.
Write a letter to your local council and your MP, stating that this man is harassing you and your children.
I think you will have to tackle this head on, or it will niggle away at you.
I agree with Custy about getting other local mothers involved. Get them to write to the council and the MP too.
If he is abusive to you and or your children, contact the police. He sounds like a bully, and you need to stand up to him.
Good luck.

Hi quofan - what is wrong with some people?
Your neighbour sounds like one of those miserable busybodies who just look for things to complain about.

Totally unreasonable anti-child behaviour - WTF is wrong with looking at snails in the lane?!

I agree he sounds like bully. Don't give into him as it sounds like he has no grounds for complaint. Kids can't get an asbo for playing outside.

but he can get an asbo for unreasonable behaviour.

so make sure you report everything.

or one day it will come to a head and officially there will only be posts about your children

beware!

posts - dear lords too much mumsnetting - i meant complaints.

could you talk to your communiry police office - this neighbour is bothering your kids for no good reason.

And I would put trampoline back up, why should your children not have their stuff?

I would keep a diary detailing HIS behaviour/shouting/staring at kids

He is being utterly miserable and it is the fault of people like him that children end up with no self esteem and think that they cause nothing but trouble

His attitude is awful!

I would also though try to talk to the mums of the other children who gravitate towards your garden to see if they can share it out a bit - you will then be able to get them on side too and show that you have made attempts to placate the man next door. You can show this as evidence if it came to anything.

I agree with dinosaur, save the football for the park.

If you don't have kids it can be extremely annoying not to say nerve wracking to have balls flying around your house/car/windows and endless requests for balls to be got are unreasonable IMO.

However your kids should be able to play, ride bikes, scooters, whatever around their house and in your garden! I'd certainly not be dictated to about whether I could have a trampoline in my own garden - put it up and let them enjoy it!

I'd also make a hard and fast rule about the kids being in by a certain time; say 7 or 8pm. I think it's reasonable for kids to have the run of the street but also it's reasonable for people to know that this won't be going on till 11pm at night; I do think people have some right to quiet time.

I think with these kinds of boundaries in place you should feel totally that you are in the right and can follow Custardo's fantastic advice! HE will be the one getting an asbo, not your kids!

There are only a few other miserable buggers hes managed to rally. The rest of the street are fine, but as he lives right next to me it is difficult. I get on fine with the others and they all tell me what well mannered polite children I have. By football, I meean passing the ball between them, not a full on footy match with the ball hitting cars and windows constantly. After he got the police, I stopped them playing with the ball and took them round the back lane to ride their bikes and scooters etc. But he is still not happy about this?? I do take the bairns to the park and they are always in at a reasonable time - definately no later than 8 or 9 on a friday and saturday, 7 on a school night. They are not rowdy, disrespectful or rude. They just play games (use their imagination) and run off their energy. It just feels like he is gunning for me at the moment. He has never complained to dcs friends parents even though they play in our lane and garden. I am at a complete loss!!

By the way, his grandson is allowed to play football in the street and is able to kick the ball against my wall and into my garden. I never go out and complain about that. Or their dog constantly barking and keeping dh awake after nightshift, and the dog coming into my garden and pooing all over. I just want a quiet life.

Your neighbor sounds nuts

I have the same situation, where this old bag has got it in for my son and friends even though they haven't done anything.
She even had a go at him through the school fence last week when he was at school (she lives right next to the school playing field)
I complained to the school who said they were taking it seriously and will follow it up.