House Rules plan for three kids - any advice appreciated!

[daddydaddycool]

I split with my partner a year ago, we have two amazing DDs who need no house rules plan, but my new (long distance) partner's three kids are really unruly and by her own admission, her permissive parenting style is compounding matters. Her kids need structure and consistency and I suggested a tangable house rules plan, perhaps with two or three simple objectives per child, along the lines of issue/solution/reward/consequence.

Can anyone advise on how to implement and maintain house rules, particularly in a setting where major resistance is likely from all (three kids in this case)? For example, I've told her that she'll need to 'ride out the initial storm' for it to work, but how long might that storm be in order to be fair to all?

Only advice would be to involve the kids in drawing up the rules together & having them all brain storm & agree to the various sanctions to create buy-in. Obviously they'll get silly at times & you'll need to be playful but guide them to sensible (closed) choices. Then have them all sign the house behaviour agreement & put it up on the fridge/wall. We do this in a youth work setting & it works really well. Good luck!

Than you insmithereeens, good to know you're coming at it professionally too because I initially (purposefully) held back a little on the broader context.

They live in Finland so the agency/support structure is different; suffice to say there's multiple intervention from social services, psychologists, clinical psychiarists, etc. - the 12yo DS has gaming addiction and anxiety, he is is bright and engaging but 2 years behind in schooling because he doesn't attend, and he can't be made to (they're still gearing up for 121 tuition but funding is an issue, as ever understandably). The 9 yo DD is yet to be diagnosed, but I'm guessing acute ADD/Aspergers - apologies for my naivety, but in terms of a tangable plan she's highly likely just to rip it off the wall and shred it into pieces. 'Expressing my feelings to Mummy' would be one of her own two objectives, but I doubt we could get her to sign anything.

Mum divorced DF two years ago, he's an alcoholic and provides little or no support other than having them the occasional night (then they often phone Mum asking her to pick them up because he's fallen asleep).

In other words, do you have any experience of implementing house rules in a notably disfunctional environment?

Ta!

Simple chores that build good feeling would be the way to go and scheduled family time that’s non negotiable.

Eat a meal together.
Children set and clear table.

Thank you Atalune - again, on top of all that, collective meal eating is an issue (and there's more...!). 12yo hyper-sensitive DS can't deal with 9yo DS eating habits - mouth open, etc., normal stuff to the rest of us. 5yo DS is raucous too, so they tend to eat in batches/split to reduce conflict. It's tiring because I'm not used to it, so I try and strike the balance between kid gloves and helping to provide fundamental structure/consistency (albeit from 1200 miles away).

How do you provide structure to a 9 year old who will rip a plan to sheds in fury and can't articulate why?