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Original poster

How to cope with feeling like you aren't doing enough?

17 replies

Pixiedust2017 · 05/06/2018 06:24

Hi there,
It is probably because I haven't been getting much sleep but the last few days I just feel like I am not "doing" enough with my LO.
She is 5 months old and in my opinion rather awesome and I think relatively easy to care for. I just constantly feel like I should be doing more and interacting with her more.
For example yesterday my mum friend came over with her baby and spent the entire 3 hours she was here singing nursery rhymes and talking about specific toys to encourage specific developments and actively playing with her baby. I just can't maintain this level of energy and it really isn't "me".
This morning at about 6am (after waking up at 2:30 and having about one hour of sleep between) I turned on the morning news talkshow and just let her watch that for about an hour and I felt terrible for it!
I have the same at all the baby groups I have been to, even from when my baby was a newborn. All the other mums seemed to be so engaged with their children and playing with them so much and it seemed so much more natural to them.
I feel like she spends too much time sitting in her bouncy chair or on her playmat and I should be spending this time playing, reading or singing to her or something. I just find it so difficult to do for longer than say a 10 minute period at a time. Its not that I don't do it ever I just feel like I'm not doing it enough? Or that I am letting her down somehow...
She is perfectly healthy and meeting all the milestones she is supposed to be I just constantly feel like I am expected by some higher power to be doing more.
Is there too much pressure on mums to engage with their children constantly or is there something I am missing?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read :)

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user1493413286 · 05/06/2018 06:31

I really struggled with that; sometimes I didn’t really know what to do because she couldn’t really play.
I decided that taking her out even to the shops counted as a new experience and helping with her development as she was seeing different things. I also used to talk to her a lot.
One of my Mum friends said that she put some time aside each day to make sure she played with her baby and doing that made me feel like I was giving her concentrated time but not unrealistically expecting to do it all day. It does get easier once they interact with toys more and you can show them what to do.
My health visitor also said that it’s good for them to spend time on their playmat with toys etc without constant adult interaction so they can get engaged in their own toys and start moving about so they want to roll and crawl

Bananarama12 · 05/06/2018 06:34

I have a 7 month old and I cannot entertain for 3 hours straight! He's perfectly happy on his play mat with his toys. Obviously we sing songs etc but not all bloody day. He's up at 6am!

Oly5 · 05/06/2018 06:41

I’m on maternity leave with baby number 3 and believe me, what you’re suffering from is a case of first baby itis! Your baby will be fine. Yes, talking is good as it helps develop their language but you don’t need to be intersecting with your baby all the time. I haven’t been to a single baby group yet and my baby is developing brilliantly! He also watches tv in the bouncer, spends time on his mat and is out and about most of the time running errands.
Don’t worry.. your baby will develop just fine without 24/7 nursery rhymes

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Oly5 · 05/06/2018 06:42

Interacting not intersecting!

Fflamingo · 05/06/2018 06:50

My DCs are adults. Looking back I feel I should have given a bit more eye contact and smiled at them more. My default is a serious face and I'm not touchy feely so probably didn't cuddle and speak directly to them much.
They are well adjusted, happy, witty, clever adults btw.
So maybe look baby in the eye and speak directly to them when you pick them up but otherwise I'm sure you are doing more than enough. Definitely don't constantly amuse them, leave them to peacefully lie and watch things around them.

CluelessMummy · 05/06/2018 06:58

I definitely felt the pressure to be constantly "entertaining" as a FTM, but actually I wish I'd let go a bit more. The "activities" DD enjoyed the most were actually things that didn't really involve me being the primary source of "fun", eg lying under the trees in the park, going to the supermarket, etc. But I did try to talk to her during those times. Not a performance parenting type monologue, just putting words to objects etc. The supermarket was great actually, could always rely on an indulgent shopper or cashier for a few minutes' break We Weng there almost every day

Snog · 05/06/2018 06:59

There is a great book called playful parenting which makes plying with your baby far more interesting and rewarding. I really recommend.

DragonsAndCakes · 05/06/2018 07:02

I think the biggest thing is to be chatting to her, telling her what you’re doing.

Spending three hours singing etc while at a friend’s house is at the extreme end of the spectrum!

NerrSnerr · 05/06/2018 07:02

At 5 Months they Judy want to be with you. Chat to them as you go about your day but don't worry about special activities (unless you want to do them).

NerrSnerr · 05/06/2018 07:04

Just not Judy (unless Judy wants to come to sing to your baby)

JeanMichelBisquiat · 05/06/2018 07:07

Mine are much older now, but your OP has just vividly reminded me of someone describing her rota for babygym dangling toys to me, and me feeling woefully inadequate

Babies need physical care, love, chat and play, but they're also designed to have lots of time just "being" while the carer does ordinary stuff like making food, shopping, walking etc. I think much of this constant entertaining comes from a parental feeling of insecurity about getting it right. Right is, IME, bonding, pottering, chatting to them, singing, letting them be for a bit... they'll be picking it all up.

lynmilne65 · 05/06/2018 07:25

None of my babies ran errands!!

Toadsrevisited · 05/06/2018 07:52

Agree that they don't need much but the Wonder Weeks book or app is good on what they are learning at set times and suggests some things you can do at each age. I found it very useful.

chloechloe · 05/06/2018 10:59

Give yourself a break! Some people love playing with babies and it comes naturally to them. But for others (me!) it's a bit of a chore after ten minutes. They learn plenty just from everyday activities and you talking to them.

Your baby is only little, it will get easier as she gets bigger and has the motor skills to do things. For when she gets bigger I would definitely recommend the Playful Parenting book mentioned above for those of us who aren't natural kids at heart!

Digestive28 · 05/06/2018 11:18

Babies are amazing and mostly develop in semi functioning adults regardless of the educational (or not) toys they had at 5 months old.

moita · 05/06/2018 14:57

Oly has it spot on - DS got all my time: loads of singing, reading etc. DD has to fit in with whatever DS is doing. I haven't got the time to spend hours singing to her!

You're doing just fine.

Original poster

Pixiedust2017 · 06/06/2018 01:04

Thanks everyone for your replies. I shall check out the wonder weeks stuff :)

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