Unsupportive parents

[Firsttimemum892]

Not sure if I am putting this in the right section but after some advice and thoughts. I've recently had my first baby 5 months ago and my father has visited her a couple of times and my mother not many more times I know we all have our own lives and work commitments etc but am I right to be dissapointed ? I wouldn't say I was struggling but my baby is hard work as I am sure most babies are but she's has had pretty severe colic which has only started to ease the past few days thank god.I've struggled with breastfeeding for 5 months and recently put her on formula only to find she's allergic to it and she won't drink the doctors milk so I am back to breastfeeding which I really struggle with and although I am glad i have managed to do it for as long as I have I really am ready to wean her off but she take bottles I suppose that's another story. All the other mums I know have a lot of help from their parents meaning they can go out with their partners for an hour or two myself and partner have not been out alone since baby was born not even for one hour.I am wondering what the issue is ,why my parents aren't interested in my baby as I was always very close with them and they take a huge amount of interest in my siblings child. Should I confront them about it or just accept how it is ? I've always been an advocate for talking about problems with loved ones but I feel like I don't want to force them to take an interest. Has anybody else experienced this ?

For a start, forget the myth of "everybody else"...... there are always people who have more of what you'd like, and then there are folks who don't have anywhere near what you have. No point in comparing with others.

Then, back to your situation with your parents. Are they still at work ? Are they out and about, busy doing all sorts? Do they live near by? Prior to the baby, did they pop in on a regular basis? Do you drop in to their's ? Is your dn quite a bit older? (A lot of people find children more interesting than babies).
Have you asked them for help - for something specific?
Have you invited them round - just to sit in the garden together / to share a meal / to have a coffee ?
Have you asked them if they would babysit one evening so you can go out for a meal with our dh ?

I’d agree that not everyone else has family to give them time away from children. We got our first night (few hours) out when DD was babysat by friends, then our second when DD was 2.5!
But it is hard when no one else can (or will) step in.

How close are your parents to you and have you asked?

Yes I understand not everybody has family who can help both my partners parents are no longer with us sadly. Maybe I am expecting too much it's not so much the lack of babysitting more the emotional support and the lack of actual interest in the baby rather than physical help. They both do work but pretty much have none exsistant social lives. Myself and my mother have always been particularly close and would see each other very often my dad not so much but we have always got on very well. They know they are more than welcome to visit but I don't specifically ask them so maybe it's my fault for some weird reason I feel awkward now asking them to look after the baby as I've got it in my head they aren't interested so I am afraid of the rejection. I suppose I am not sure what answers I am looking for but feels good to get it off my chest :)

They don't live very far about a 30 minute drive

My in laws said when we announced they were going to be grandparents, we are happy for you, but don’t expect us to babysit we’ve done are child days

I think my post has come across as me moaning about them not babysitting when actually my real issue is more the lack of visiting the baby and taking an interest. My friends parenys babysitting every weekend tells me they are more interested in their grandchild than mine are maybe I am wrong ?

I think it may be a lack of communication here.
Mumsnet is full of people telling horror stories about in-laws who won’t go away and leave couples to live their lives.
I think your parents are giving you and dp & baby time as a family. Plus your baby is bf & colicky so you really need to be around.

They both work, I guess they are older, so probably pretty tired by the end of the day, and they live 30 mins away, that’s an hour’s round trip after work/commute without a specific invitation. I’m mid-50s and I’m shattered by mid-week.
With Father’s Day coming up, why don’t you invite them across for an evening, order a takeaway so not much work, and go from there?

Yes they are same age as yourself I think you are right I can see a different perspective now I'll invite them or offer to go to them

I agree with previous posters. I think you should talk to them and at least see where they stand. Maybe ask them if they want to come over for dinner? Or ask if they would be happy to babysit for a few hours for you? You won't really know the answers unless you talk to them.
Also do you send them updates of the LO? I try and send my parents at least a picture of our LO every day, but they literally live on the other side of the planet to us so I feel it is important. They are still very involved grandparents and love to hear about how their granddaughter is doing. I am probably unusually close to my parents however so maybe this much contact is a bit strange...

Plenty of grandparents are not interested in their grandchildren (or children) these days. It's more normal than the frequent babysitting scenario in my experience. I think you are right to fear the rejection OP. It may well be something you have to accept, sadly.
Those with parents who are interested in their children often don't really understand. You can't persuade people to care by inviting them over for dinner or sending them photos.