Social services destroying my family

[Helplesswarrior]

Hi, newbie here, will try and keep this short.
SS involved numerous times in the past, now been involve since January. Husband and I have separated but he was struggling with finding accommodation. Kids were put on child protection plan in February due to emotional harm caused by us arguing. By mid March our sw was trying to force him out of the house at 6pm knowing he had nowhere to go, he was actually asleep when she arrived. He then ended up taking a prescription medication overdose and spent 2 weeks in hospital. SS said he could not return home (no legal orders were in place and he was on the tenancy) or they would remove our children, he now lives in emergency accommodation and sees the children 2 times a week in town centre. They have now gone to pre-proceedings and have listed things we need to do including supervised contact for my husband, no contact concerns have been raised before this and he has not been deemed a risk to our children. They are unhappy with the fact I will not class myself as a victim of domestic abuse as I was as much to blame for the arguments between us, they now want a psych assessment from both of us. He has borderline personality disorder and I only have history of depression (pnd 21 years ago & have just been put back on meds due to stress). Do we have to agree with everything they want or will we be able to compromise on some things?

Thanks for any advise

If you have gone to pre proceedings, so you have a solicitor ? They should be able to advise. I have say in on many c p. Meetings and would suggest complying with all they ask or you will be unable to show progress on the plan.
Good luck

Just cooperate and do what they ask
If you want to protect your children and not risk losing them you need to work with SS.
They will have good reasons for asking you to do what they have

It sounds like you need to work with tnem instead of seeing them as the enemy.

If a relationship is volatile enough for social services to step in to this extent then there will generally be very good reason for it. Which bits are you wanting to try to negotiate?

Social services aren't trying to ruin your family but rather save it, your arguments must have been extremely bad and regular to warrant a child protection order, your really one step away from losing them. Please comply with what they are asking they are just trying to protect your children from anymore emotional damage plus it sounds like you and your husband sound like you have a lot of issues that may be better sorted out separately.

It is in your and your dc interest to work with ss not against them. It is really hard to see beyond the immediate situation when you have been embroiled for so long but could it be that you have normalised arguments and negative aspects of the relationship which are damaging for the children to witness. You fighting his corner may only alienate ss further. Supervised contact is perfectly acceptable as an interim measure, for example.

I think you need to make a joint (or singular,
if DH won't agree) decision that whilst you disagree thoroughly with the way the SS is framing this, the one most important thing is that they don't think your kids need to be away from both of you and looked after by someone else. It's rotten, but if Dh has to sleep in a car or on a bench to achieve that then it's worth it.

You will therefore jump merrily though their hoops despite that fact they you don't think they are correct, because the kids staying with you trumps all.

Your post is all about how unfair this is on your poor husband and nothing about the impact on the kids. I think this is what social services are picking up. They should be your priority. He's a grown up, they aren't.

you either do what they say or you lose your kids.

Dump your husband and concentrate on your kids. You dont have any other choice.

I can understand why you're on the verge of losing your kids. You're thinking mostly of him and not on the harm your relationship is doing to them.

They can and will make you choose between him and your kids if it's at that point, they deserve to live in a peaceful and nurturing environment.

Thank you for all the advise, will discuss it all with my solicitor tomorrow.

I thoroughly recommend this website (set up by a MNer) for information on child protection issues