Wracked with mum-guilt

[GirlfriendInAKorma]

I work FT and so does my DH. We have 2 DCs (one school age and one younger).
We reply on a mixture of nursery, wrap-around care and family who help out a bit.

I have been doing this since my eldest was a baby. Recently though, I'm just consumed with mum-guilt. I think it may be worse since eldest started school (and that I'm desperately trying to cover all the nativity, Easter bonnet, sports day, class assembly stuff) and the f*cking 13 weeks of the year of school holidays. It's starting to feel that I have to rely on such a mish-mash of childcare options to make sure everything is covered. I feel guilty that I'm not there for the DCs more.

I earn more than twice what DH does, but he won't reduce his hours. No way. He gets really cross when I mention it (as i'be mentioned it lots... as I do feel like that would help to strike a better balance). Also before we had DCs, the plan was for him to work PT - but I think he quickly realised how much hard work t was, and that it's a much easier life for him to be at work.

I'm sure that a lot of men wouldn't give FT working with DCs a second thought....

We do loads of fun things at weekends and have great holidays together. I try really really hard with the kids and with work (so I think the tiredness of juggling it all is probably adding to my anxiety / guilt).

So talk to me about mum guilt.... any experiences, learnings... anything really...

I think changing your mindset from mum guilt to parent guilt would help. You feel it and he doesnt. I am a ft working mother and dont have parent guilt. What I do have is an excellent childminder who both kids go to term time and holiday time, so my annual leave is used in part to cover hers (with dh covering some of hers) and the odd afternoon for sports days etc.

Having an assortment of childcare is hardwork balancing it all. Save family help to step in when childminder is on leave, amd find a cm who drops and collects from your kids school if you can.

There should be no guilt involved in working ft - you are keeping a roof over dcs heads.

Dh changing his mind about dropping to pt is frustrating, but no one really knows what parenting is like (or what kind of parent you will be) until you are in it. I know I couldnt drop to less than a 4 day week as im not very good at the SAHP side. Love the odd day I take off but I wouldnt actively choose to go PT and only knew that once the kids arrived.

Thank you @NapQueen.
I have been wondering if a CM might be a better option. If we had more money then I'd seriously consider a nanny - but I don't think I can afford it.
I'm similar to you, in that I wouldn't want to be a SAHP. I'm just finding it difficult to strike a balance at the moment.
Thanks for your response though - very helpful.

F/T here too, DH works F/T overseas. My job is flexible but it's still a massive juggle. Kids a similar age to yours and I think I will reduce or condense my hours when DC1 starts reception in September.

I don't think you ever shake the guilt. I remind myself that I'm setting a very positive example for both DS and DD, they see mummy going out to work just like Daddy, and we too have great holidays and lots of weekend days out etc which helps - plan them in and get excited with DC in the build up. I am hopeful though that this isn't forever - I don't want to be doing F/T when they are both at school.