Not loving being a mum...

[Alex2314]

I am not here for judgement, trust me I have enogh of that.
I have a 6 month old baby and I really dont enjoy being a mum, I am very career focused, im a pretty black and white person and I never wantes kids.
My husband and I both had the same opinion of never having a child but we seemes to change our minds ans decided to try for a year and if it didnt happen then so be it..... i was pregnant the first month off the pill !
All the way thro my pregnancy i felt no connection to my child but everyone tols me that was perfectly normal amd that it would all change when she was born.
Dont get me wrong, I do love her very much but I really really miss my old independant, carefree lifestyle where I had the time and money to enjoy my own life, now I work 50 hours a week and the rest of the time I at home with my family.
I miss my husband and I spending time together, having money and time to have holidays and days out, seeing my friends without all the carry on of babysitters and childminders. I am not depressed so I wont be talking to the gp and my hv is rubbish. Does or has anyone else felt this way ? Does time really make all the difference ?

Well yes and no. If you didn’t want a child and this disruption in your life then that won’t change any time soon.
On the other hand, children do grow up. They get more interesting. They get more interactive. I take mine on holidays. To concerts. To restaurants. And they are quite well behaved. But they are still kids. And I have to cater for them and their needs. And DH and I work FT so we are both exhausted. But that’s life with kids.

I can’t promise it will magically get better. Or that you will get your old life back. But I found motherhood got better in that I find babies quite boring and everything after 18m is a lot more fun.

BUT i wanted kids and wanted to be a mother and despite what a pain they can be, I enjoy being around them.

I felt this way with my first one - 6 months in I didn’t get much back, both dh and I joked that solitary confinement looked like an attractive proposition. I also remember resenting colleagues who weren’t frantically scrabbling at 5pm as they had to make nursery pick up, and felt like I wasn’t free anymore to do my job to the best of my ability.

I don’t think I was depressed either - it’s a huge adjustment. I wonder where all my money went before I had to pay all the childcare fees and £10-11 ph to go out for a few sodding hours.

-try and build in some breaks. Childcare and babysitting bleed you dry but you have to suck it up til you can setup reciprocal play dates when they’re at primary (assuming like me you don’t have gp drooling to babysit)
-eventually you realise the small person is funny, special, loveable and interesting, and you get used to all of the constraints.

It sounds like you just need some time to enjoy yourself and your partner again.
It sounds like you have a lot going on right now and it's not always easy to adjust especially if their is a lot of pressure on you from all angles. It's easy to get worn out.
You need to make time to go out and do the things you want to do still. Even if it's going out for dinner and drinks with your husband once a week make it a weekly thing and make sure you and your partner STICK TO IT.
Once you do that you will realise you can make time for each other again and you will both feel a lot better.
Remember you and your child are both important.

Your happiness still matters too, just as much as ever and you are a person with feelings and needs.

Give it a go and see what happens.
Get someone to watch bub for a night a week and see how you go from there.
You will be fine. Dont worry. X

Yes me! It's really shit!
First year I was a mess....
Second year I am still a mess but less so.
I'm not sure if you have any family around (we don't) so that's definitely been the thing we regret as we get no down time whatsoever x fine if you were born to be a Mum......and if your baby's your best friend (what a lot of shit).....not fine if you're in our boat

It does get "easier" and you will get some of "your old life back"

Chin up lovely xx

Circumstances have a lot to do with enjoying parenthood...

Its a lot easier if you have lovely extended family on tap to help at the drop of a hat, money for a cleaner, a baby that sleeps/eats well, a nice home and garden in a picturesque yet convenient, child friendly area surrounded by like minded families, a flexible job with a short commute etc.

Having a child amplifies any existing niggles (noisy neighbours, an unreasonable boss, a cramped home, money worries, long commute etc) and can make them seem much worse.
There can be many great things about parenthood but few people would say it makes life easier.

You both need time away from work/childcare, both together and apart. Until/unless you can afford childcare take it in turns to go out, do something else, anything.

Hang in there, it does get better.

Thank u for your advice and for not judging me.
I am quite fortunate that i do have a little help, not much overnight help which is hard cause i would love to spend me time with my husband.
I feel terrible and i have a friend who is struggling to have a baby so i cant really talk to her about it.
My husband knows how i feel but theres not really much he can do.
I have a really stressful and demanding job that i absolutely adore but between the pressures of that and at home I never get a second.
I really hope it gets easier as i have no idea what to do, i would never leave but i just want to be happy with my life or even just not unhappy x

I have a 5 week old boy and all through my pregnancy I had hoped that everything would be fine once he was born. I love my son but hate being a mum. And I feel so bad about saying it but I didn’t realise how hard it was gonna be till now. I’m hopeful that as time goes on I become more happy.

Know how you feel.

I was so over the moon when I found out I was expecting my DS.

However since having him, I've realised just how hard it is.
How little time I get to myself.

Stuck in on an evening when he's in bed. Little to no childcare.

It's actually shit & I miss my old life everyday

I felt very much like it and despite my assurances that I was not depressed it was PND. I declined the drugs though and by 18 months it was all different, like a light switched. I literally woke up one morning and had a love for motherhood and it made me sad how I’d spent so long fretting about the early days when in reality I was probably hormonal, burnt out and doing a good job under the circumstances.

DS is 2.5 now and I adore every minute of sitting playing on the floor with him, play dates. All the stuff I used to dread. I’m expecting DC2 in the next few weeks and it will be interesting to see if I get that ‘love at first sight’ bind everyone goes on about now I know how to be a mum or whether it takes a little time again.

Remember the days are so very long but the years go quickly