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Parenting

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Private contact arrangement for 8 month old

1 reply

user1493053387 · 03/06/2018 13:25

Hi all. Just wondered if I could get a bit of advice on my current situation with DDs father and whether I’m being reasonable or need to change things up a bit. So bit of history, we broke up while I was pregnant, ex didn’t want involvement. When DD was born 8 months ago I let him know and took her round. We tried again to make a relationship work but it hasn’t due to a few serious arguments where we would scream at each other which I don’t think is ok. Him wanting to go out and get wasted every weekend. Anyway it all got a bit tense about a month ago when I broke things off and he wanted to have DD but wouldn’t tell me when he would be bringing her back to me etc so I said until we go mediation was more then happy for him to see her regularly but with me present as I wasted the security to know she was ok (as reasons would make me think not for example leaving her in bath and walking away, leaving her on her & walking away etc) (I am now feeling ok about me not being there as he will have DD at his family’s house where he lives so know there’s extra eyes about) and would obvs be able to take her home with me. So we went to mediation and due to him working 5 days and two weekends at college a month he requested the 2 Sundays a month he isn’t at college from half 11 to 5. He now wants to come to mine after college on the weekends he doesn’t have her which I’m not comfortable with because of his behaviour towards me. He goes from being nice one sec saying he loves me etc to then calling me a c and saying I need a good f* again upon other things. Anyway it was his choice for 2 Sundays of the month. I said we should work out weekly contact in mediation but he wanted the 2 Sundays but now after only 1 week of the arrangement being made he wants to change it already. It’s fine because I was going to make a suggestion anyway that I dropped DD off at his mums and then he would see her when he got back from college and then they drop her back to me but apparently this isn’t good enough because he wouldn’t get back in time to see her. I want to try my best to accommodate contact but I feel like no matter what I do it’s never good enough and things change quicker then the wind. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make contact work where I don’t have to spend time with him now which would work with someone that works a lot + college? She’s also 8 months old, in a routine of going to bed about half 6/7. So sorry for the long post but wanted to get across the situation so it was clear

OP posts:
PartyAnxiety · 04/06/2018 09:56

I think you're right to stick to the original plan. There's no point in mediation if he just constantly changes the arrangement on a whim. He also sounds very disrespectful of you so I think you're right to limit contact with him to arrangements for your DD and not have him in your home. I would stick to the current arrangement and if he wishes to change it at some point in the future he can go to mediation and come up with another written agreement.

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