AIBU open mouth eating?

[womanofacertain]

DSD is now ten. When she is at ours she has very few rules to follow and after many arguments and near divorce I have given in on most things. But there's a big one I want to draw the line at. Table manners. She displays none at ours. Bitter separation from ex so no input there but from a couple of emails she has sent I am guessing there are rules at her house. ( there was one very pointed one where she said that DSD had said that we didn't make her eat with cutlery) The biggest one that is getting me is the mouth open noisy eating speaking with mouth full. I hate it!!!! I really do. There's other bits like no knife and fork, messy eating, eating like a mouse, dissecting food ( she skinned a sausage the other day before eating it akin to how a hamster would eat) but most of these I think I can ignore except for the mouth open noisy eating bit. I have got to the point where I just want to eat elsewhere. DH thinks I am completely unreasonable. Am I???

I'd have to leave the room. I can't abide open mouthed eating. If my DDs exhibit bad table manners they get a warning to eat nicely or leave the table. They get one chance. I have a friend in her 40s who eats with her mouth open with lots of lip smacking. I avoid eating in her company as much as possible. It's something I feel very strongly about.

Literarydevil me too!! It is my one big dislike. In my previous life I organised either first or second date would involve eating. If he was a mouth opener there would be no further dates no matter how lovely he was otherwise!!

My ex used to scrape the tines of the fork against his teeth. Every. Fucking. Time. One of the many reasons he's an ex. Makes my jaw clench, my blood pressure goes up and I want to scream. Think I have misophonia though as lots of noises really irritate to the point t of distress.

I feel your pain.

13 year old DSD is the same and it drives me nuts. Hardly uses cutlery - naturally tries to use her hands. Interrupts over a dinner conversation, shouts and talks with her moth full. Also drives me nuts. It’s a real pet hate if mine.

DSD is an extremely fussy eater and eats what I call like a gerbil. Directs any unknown food in a tiny amount and then faffs for ages (a strategy I guess until we get bored). Asked her to try a broad bean recently (has never had one) after 5 minutes of debate it was cut into 4 pieces, eyes closed, a mouth was pulled and it was spat out.

YANBU - I feel exactly the same. God my parents would of never put up with this shit.

Unfortunately your dh needs to address it. But no yanbu. My dsd has poor table manners and nobody seems to be doing anything about it. If i do it then im nagging every bite but she's not my responsibility.

Oh thank u thank u thank u. Being made to feel here like I am the grumpy nasty unreasonable one. DH eats with his mouth closed and has otherwise normal table manners. Why you wouldn't want to instill these into your child I don't know.

Most of those I would let go but not eating with your fingers and keeping your mouth closed when you chew are non negotiable.
You seem a bit over picky, of she wants to eat like a mouse or disect her food then I’d let her and just focus on the habits which are really disgusting.
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Gamerwidow there's a lot I let go but I just can't with the mouth open eating. I can't. I think because it grates on me so much all the other things get irritating too but the mouth open, noisy eating , spitting food across the table cause she's talking with her mouth full I cannot thole. I have asked nicely a few times for her to eat with her mouth closed / finish what she's eating before talking but this resulted in a huge row with DH that iabu and there's nothing wrong with eating with ur mouth open ( I promise I didn't mention the other stuff!!!)

Hi OP-totally agree with YANBU. It's disgusting. It's also how germs are spread like coughing.
A mum I know who looks down on others has a ds who eats with his mouth open all the time and makes loud slurping noises. He also never washes his hands after going to the toilet. I dread it when he stays for tea and he's a teenager. I think eating with yr mouth closed is basic good manners and if dcs don't then it reflects on the parents.

What does her father think? He is doing his 10 year old no favours if he is letting her off with these table manners.

I would talk to him and say "deal with this or I won't eat with her" and do just that.

Your dh is being a lazy parent.

Honestly I think this is one of those things I would let my child go hungry for - I cannot abide noisy eating.
I had an ex who ate with his mouth open, I tried lots of things to get past it. Turning the radio up, sitting side by side so I didn’t have to look at it, nothing worked. We split up and I found and married a guy who could eat properly.
Your DH is setting his DD up for failure letting her away with such bad manners (hoping that she grows out of the picking hamster style stuff - although I know a grown women who still does that, although I won’t eat with her).

I have a lot of sympathy I have misophonia and loud eating drives me insane. I think you should allow her to dissect her food strangely if she wants (Does she have sensory issues - the removing the sausage skin I thought was fairly classic for children with sensory processing issues) but she should close her mouth and use cutlery (at least for food like mashed potatoes etc that clearly isn't finger food).

I think you are justified in tackling it but it needs to be done in a loving, encouraging way. It sounds like the transition between her mother and father's house is already difficult. If she sees it as a personal criticism ("you're table manners are terrible you need to improve") she's going to fight back and turn it into a power struggle (probably taking advantage of the two different households). Make it a positive thing as much as possible - maybe she can work towards a treat like a meal out in a nice restaurant where she'd have to have adult table manners.

Thanks, posted earlier and there’s a lot of good tips here.

Personally i’m going to ignore the gerbil style eating and dissecting food. I gave up on the fussy eating a while back for my own sanity. OH says it’s fine - if he wants to create a rod for his own back fine.

But the eating with your mouth open and eating with hands (at 13) I can’t cope with. Sorry to sound harsh, but it’s like eating time at the zoo. I’m going to focus on that. Thanks all.

It's getting more common. On films etc it's almost a cliche to say "mmm itsh good" with a mouthful of food. I hate it.

I eat open mouthed a lot. Always have, I find it a struggle to breathe through my nose. No medical reason that I know of so I do tend to eat with my Keith open. Little things like cocktail sausages I would skin with my teeth and then eat, I still eat chocolate in a dissecting way. Eating without cutlery? That would annoy me at her age. I’d remind not to talk when her mouth is full and to talk between forkfuls of food, not too big a deal though. If I talk with food in my mouth I will cover my mouth to avoid people seeing chomped up food.

womanofacertain you misunderstood me. I also think eating with an open mouth is a no-no and you should focus on this rather than dissecting food etc. In essence I was mostly agreeing with you.

Gamerwidow I wasn't taking your advice critically at all and it is much appreciated. I just didn't want to come over like I was criticising everything ( internally I am but I do a lot of smiling through gritted teeth!)

I was on a crowded train last night stuck next to a woman who was chewing gum with her mouth open. I wanted to scream. I couldn't move as had to stand next to my son's buggy as nowhere else to go. It was torture. I totally get you.