Is this reasonable or will I be considered *lazy*??

[fireflyfairy2]

I am a student and have been at uni 4 days a week in this last semester.

DD has been at school and an after schools club, whilst ds has been at a childminder. She is lovely and very good with him

Anyhow, my uni term is over now until September again, but dd has been taking music & language lessons at the club so will continue going there 3 afternoons a week for 2 hours.

Also, the childminder wants ds to keep going to her. We have agreed on 2 days a week, as she just gets paid for the hours she has ds, and I also want to keep him in his routine, as he has friends there too.

Thing is, I feel so bad. I don't work, therefore don't need ds to be at childminder 2 days a week. I also have been made to feel like a lazy slattern for sending ds away 2 days a week, even though I am at home MIL doesn't understand that ds will benefit from keeping a little to his routine and that it will make it easier for me come September again.

She said I am spending money on a childminder that I am not earning... which I can se her point, but what can I do? I don't really want ds to be torn away from his childminder and his little friends all summer, just so I don't have to pay her, I don't begrudge paying her, she works bloody hard! But if I take him away all summer it's going to cause problems and she may get another child to fill the space.

She just charges me fpr what hours I use as I am a student and not earning anything, so she is really kind.

How can I stop feeling so lazy all summer when ds is away 2 days? I was going to try and volunteer to home start or something, just to feel like I am doing something useful.

Sorry for this being so long

GS went to college nursery four days a week last year until I finished at the begining of may. He loved it and all his friends were there, so I let him carry on for three days a week until the end of July then, over the summer he still had a full day there. He loved it and it gave me time to myself. ENjoy the time to yourself, do what you want and what benefits yourself and your DD - to put it bluntly - BUGGER what anyone else thinks.

What do you actually want to do - not feel guilty yourself, or satisfy MIL. If it's the first, could you find something related to your course/future career to volunteer for, or just do some extended study. If it's the latter, how about a part time temporary job, in a shop or something, so you're earning something?
NB I'm not saying I think you need to do something - I think student parents deserve all the time to themselves they can get.....

Ho Joash Thanks

I have noticed you're doing a writing course

My degree is in Journalism and I am loving
it, hopefully you're having the same pleasure in your course!

I left him 2 days a week last summer and it was great, as we were having a terrible time with dd, it give me some time to spend with her and really helped her settle down. Also when it came to September it was great being able to drop ds off and he wasn't upset after a long summer of having mum to himself.

I have been looking for something to fill the time RB.

I e-mailed a local paper and asked if they had anything, just voluntary, they would like help with as it would be good experience for me. Their dept emailed me back saying if there is anything it will be advertised in the paper

Though I think I may take the bull by the horns and call the paper, sometimes talking to someone is all it takes.

I didn't feel guilty last summer, but then last summer MIL hadn't raised the issue with, or made me feel bad...

Good luck with the calls - I think you're probably right about speaking to someone.
I'm doing a distance learning course, nothing as 'high-brow' as journalism - I think I'm way past that sort of commitment (too old - haha). SO I wanted something that I could fit in around GS and put in more hours once he's at school full time. I also wanted the chance to have a go at writing for different larkets before deciding which direction I might follow.

fire, if you feel bad maybe that's an indication that you don't want to keep your ds at his carer's? If you feel that bad?

If it would make you feel good, then have him home! It's only a few weeks and TBH I'm sure he wouldn't miss his little friends to that degree during the summer; it seems crazy that you were thinking of volunteering to fill the two days when you could fill them with family life!

I know routine is important but holidays are a wonderful part of a child's life and I think it's a bit 'treadmill-y' if they never get a holiday like we do.

I'd say don't feel pressured by the CM.

But it's from May til Sept. It would be like starting all over again if I kept him at home over the summer.

Dh wants me to go for it and send him, we live in the middle of nowhere and tbh the only people he has to play with are the 2 little kids at the childminders.

I think I have decided to keep sending him, bit also worried that I look lazy

I think i'll try to find something to do the 2 days a week, perhaps working from home doing something or other

Any ideas?

How about sending him and then giving him the same holidays as your dd, the school holidays? Be nice for them to have the holidays together and you would still get family time.

And / or send him one day a week, then he keeps in the routine but he gets more time with you when you are at home?

Dd won't have the whole holidays either though, she has a summer scheme that coincides with her music group. She will go there 3 days a week during July and August.

Think I will send him 2 days a week until dd breaks from school and then one day, but will most likely have to pay childminder anyway.

You're not lazy! Who cares!

I send ds to a childminder 8-3:30pm twice a week for my sanity! Well I do appreciate the break to do Open Uni work and other things and he really benefits from interaction with other kids. I actually started doing it when I did volunteer work, but the place I was at became a joke and there were no longer people to help (literacy mentor) so I stopped going after a year, took ds out of the childminders, but eventually put him back in as he enjoyed it and I enjoyed the break.