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Shouted at 5 year old ASD Son

14 replies

user1499979813 · 31/05/2018 23:42

I am a single parent of a 5 year old boy who has ASD. I also work part time and have all the usual responsibilities. I sometimes struggle to cope with everything on my plate at the same time, especially with a perpetual sore back that the doctors just keep prescribing pain killers for since November last year.
On the very hot Sunday we have just experienced, I stupidly attempted to paint my decking while my Son and dog were in the house on top of stripping beds and doing the laundry etc. For about an hour I was up and down from my hands and knees while painting the decking due to my Son opening the patio door and letting the dog out, and me putting the dog back in not to stand in the paint and carry it into my house. Well after about an hour of me telling my Son to close the door not to let the dog out, my patience was exhausted, my Son let the dog out once more and it headed straight for the wet paint. I just lost the plot and shouted louder than I realised at him for letting the dog out and blaming him for the dog carrying paint into my house. I also shouted at my dog ! I lost my temper for about a minute then realised I had just shouted at my 5 year old ASD Son and I felt appalled with myself. I stopped what I was doing, I put my Son and dog back into the house, locked the patio door for a few minutes while I washed out my brush. I then went back in the house, my Son was sitting on my bed playing his tablet like nothing had happened. I gave him a big cuddle and spent half an hour laying beside him before we all went back outside, as the paint was dry. My Mum had text inviting us along for dinner, I got us all ready and went to see her. I told my parents what had happened, my mum told me I need more patience and my Son doesn't understand. I totally agree but unfortunately the stress became to much for me. I think I have also heard my neighbours speaking about what happened on Sunday, they were out in their gardens too and clearly heard me. I have since went to the Doctor and told her everything, I have now been signed off work for two weeks, this is for me to get some time for myself and rest. The Doctor thinks I was burnt out and stressed.
I think I have since heard my neighbour saying something about reporting me for shouting at my Son. Anyone I have mentioned this to think I am paranoid, you don't get reported for just shouting at your child, although it was wrong. But I can't stop feeling on edge and running to the toilet as my nerves are shattered wondering if I am in trouble ?

Please advise me !

OP posts:
purpleorchidwhite · 31/05/2018 23:53

Can you ask your local National Autistic Society branch for details of support groups?
They themselves might be able to help. They are a wealth of information.

You do sound exhausted, it's hard raising a child with extra needs. You are human, we all have our moments. I've done things I'm not proud of in moments of desperation.

Unless people have walked that walk they have no idea how hard it is.

Make sure you get some support systems in place to share and shout should you need to.

There are also supportive groups on Facebook too.

Don't blame yourself. Draw a line under it, learn from it and move forward.

Best wishes

Timeissliplingaway · 01/06/2018 00:04

I really don't think anyone would report you for this. Everyone loses their temper every now and then. You are clearly stressed. Take the time off to relax. Your son was absolutely fine. I felt a tear come to my eye when I read this, I just felt your guilt and how sad you clearly feel about it all.

BackforGood · 01/06/2018 00:05

Good grief. You must have the patience of a saint if this is the first time you have ever shouted at your son, in 5 years!
Stressing about it to this extent may demonstrate you are overwhelmed, but actually shouting at him is very, very, very normal.
Your neighbours are clearly bonkers.

Good suggestion from Purpleorchidwhite though. NAS, etc have on-line communities if you can't get our to meet ups. Smile

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

user1499979813 · 01/06/2018 00:08

Thankyou for replying, my friends and even my Doctor said I am beating myself up for something some parents do and don't give a second thought. But I still feel guilty and keep thinking that my neighbours must think I am a terrible mother. They couldn't really see in my garden but they would of heard. I am convinced my neighbour will or has reported me for shouting at my wee boy, which fills me with fear. Even though I wasn't physically near my Son in any way the shouting was definitely out of order

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Singlenotsingle · 01/06/2018 00:08

Be gentle with yourself. You only shouted. Sometimes kids can push you to the edge. We all shout. Especially when the DC is ASD - they can try the patience of a saint.

Canidoitagain · 01/06/2018 00:09

It can be frustrating raising any child don't beat yourself up about it honestly I think you could do with some support and maybe see about some restbite. My brother has asd and believe me he was not exempt from a raised voice. Happens to the best of us. Flowers

user1499979813 · 01/06/2018 00:10

I will definitely looking up support groups. Thankyou xx

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BackforGood · 01/06/2018 00:16

Its worth asking locally (at your dc's school or Nursery or the HV or at the CC) if you want to find support groups, as there are some really fab local groups and little 'kitchen table' charities that do some tremendous work in one area, but not across the country.

Branleuse · 01/06/2018 00:21

you lost your temper and shouted at your kid. We've all been there.

JKCR2017 · 01/06/2018 18:17

Don’t beat yourself up for shouting at your son. My son also has asd and sometimes the only way to get through to him is by raising my voice (not shouting) but my neighbours must think I’m an evil cow. Like this week I had to raise my voice as he was being rough with DD and she was upset and he would not listen. I have also lost my temper and shouted before. I think all parents do!

Your son has forgotten about it now so try not to think about it and move on. You haven’t got it easy. I was a single mummy to DS until he was three - it’s not easy! So I totally understand. It’s hard work now even with a partner! Hats off to you!

If your neighbours report you, they are assholes. Do they not have children? as we all lose our patience sometimes! Even if they did nothing would come of it. You sound like a great mum. That’s obvious because a terrible Mum wouldn’t care that she shouted at her child.

Chin up! We are all human and lose our s**t at times. Nobody understands what it’s like to parent an asd child unless they’ve actually been through it!

FilledSoda · 01/06/2018 18:24

You're being paranoid about the neighbour , I bet they couldn't give a shit.
Have you never heard anyone shout at their kid before?
Regardless , your response to this shows the stress you're under, try to get a break and some more support.

petrolpump28 · 01/06/2018 18:28

you sound like a lovely person and a lovely Mum. Maybe its not great shouting but really its not so bad. Also you are trying to get support and help and care for the little one. Good for you.

petrolpump28 · 01/06/2018 18:30

tbh , if all parents who shout at kids were reported ( to who?) it would be three quarters of the uk.

user1499979813 · 09/06/2018 21:33

Thanks guys. Reading your supportive messages makes me feel better xx

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