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Co-sleeping what's your thoughts?

38 replies

Mumof2boys2018 · 31/05/2018 22:52

Out of curiosity I just wanted to see how other parents view the situation or what they do with there babies.
I have an 18 month old who slept in my bed from day one, but once he turned 6 months he's always been in his own room...
I now have a 12 week old who sleeps in my bed
This is by choice as I find it much more comfortable than them being in Moses baskets... i know many will disagree and say it's unsafe but I love it. I know there's a lot of different opinions on this subject Smile

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teaandbiscuitsforme · 03/06/2018 06:53

*cots

Not a big fan of cats though either 🐈

Luckystar1 · 03/06/2018 06:56

In relation to this ‘rod for your own back’ malarkey, my 3.5 year old never once co-slept, he’s now in our bloody bed every night. Has been for a year. Creeps in every night. So don’t listen to all that rubbish

drearydeardre · 03/06/2018 07:04

I always wonder about this 'which is best' anecdotal evidence whether those who espouse co-sleeping and breastfeeding as 'makes the child more confident' or 'increases the bonding' what happened to them when they were babies/toddlers (as norms were different then)
If they did not co-sleep, were bottle fed - did it make them less confident, more estranged from their parents.

It is a bit like the threads where baby names are allocated to match with a sibling, to make them different/interesting/confident/successful because it is an ancient Greek name.
Parenting methods do change over the generations. There is no absolute right way.

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Grandmaswagsbag · 03/06/2018 07:14

Did it for the early months, not all the time but when she was unsettled, can’t quite remember when we stopped. Lifesaver and only way to get some proper sleep, plus b/feeding lying in bed so much easier. My dd transitioned to her cot with no trouble and was sleeping through by 7 months. Never had to sleep train and I can probably count on one hand the number of times she’s stirred in the night since then. I appreciate we’re lucky, but for us it was great and hasn’t caused any problems. There’s no anxiety surrounding bed/bedtimes, bad dreams, etc. My view is that you almost have no choice if your baby won’t go in their Moses basket or cot. I don’t believe in leaving young babies to cry themselves to sleep on their own and ime most hate being left in a cot at a tiny age, so it’s the only alternative I can think of where you both get to sleep.

RedPandaMama · 03/06/2018 07:23

Saved my sanity for the first 5 months of DDs life. She would never settle. Ever. Hated being put down or on her own, even in the pram when she was tiny. Once she could sit up she was fine but still hates lying on her back, even now. It's not reflux before someone suggests it!

So we co-slept, to stop the screaming. I absolutely loved it. Meant she could breastfeed and I got pretty much a full night's sleep from day one. Never slept in the co-sleeping cot, went straight into her own room at 5 months first for half nights then whole nights. Reasonably easy. Very contented baby and I feel very bonded with her. I would do exactly the same again and I miss holding hands at night and listening to her tiny breath next to my face!

harrietm87 · 03/06/2018 07:33

I didn't plan to do it - bought a lovely next2me cot - but baby had other ideas. That 10cm or so is just too far for him! It's been amazing for breastfeeding and sleep - I barely wake in the night, he never cries, just snuffles a bit and I feed him. Not at all worried about rolling on him - the position makes it impossible and I sleep very lightly. He's only 6 weeks - we plan to try to transition him to the cot in a few months.

BertieBotts · 03/06/2018 09:59

Feels totally natural and right to me. But you must be aware of safety implications. Remember that modern beds, central heating, medication and bedding etc are NOT natural. There is much more scope for error when you bring a baby into a sleep space which was not designed for them. That said, it's always safer to co-sleep in a planned way than to accidentally fall asleep on a sofa or in a chair with a baby. If you're very very tired and can't stay awake, clear a space right in the middle of a double bed and lie down with the baby.

Don't co-sleep if anyone in the house smokes, or when you've drunk alcohol or taken medication which causes drowsiness. Smoking + co-sleeping doubles the risk of SIDS whereas just smoking alone doesn't increase it as dramatically.

Keep duvets, pillows etc away - most BF mums will naturally go into a "C" shape around the baby, if you don't do this naturally you should mimic it. You must be aware of where they are and take steps to stop them moving.

As close to skin to skin as possible is best, though light clothing is OK. Def no swaddles - affects their movement - or sleeping bags - not designed for a heat source (your body) on the outside. And no gadgets or items between you and the baby, this includes any sleep nests or pods or positioners the baby is lying on. Something like a muslin or bedwetting pad or electronic monitor under them is probably OK as minimal interference. Don't put them on top of the duvet, for the same reason (it is also too soft for them).

Make sure they can't fall out of bed, under another person in the bed or into any gaps. A bedside cot can be a godsend for this and also provide a safer own space for the baby to lie in which you can't roll into if you want more of a halfway house or to use products like a grobag, babynest etc. Make sure you follow the instructions for your bedside cot, you can usually download them if second hand, and check it regularly for gaps and movement.

Once you've got the safety awareness down I think it has massive benefits. Supports BF - DS never lost any of his birthweight and apparently this is pretty common when it comes to bedsharing. You can sleep (or doze, at least) while they feed which is hugely more resting, and means having to do all of the night feeds doesn't seem such a burden. The older they get the more likely you are to sleep totally through, whether they feed or not. At least until they get very wriggly.

I also found I worried less about his breathing and didn't do that new mum obsessively checking thing because I could feel/hear him right there next to me, so I didn't need to. I tended to be aware of things like his temperature and would wake up if he was ill, sometimes before he would. I did a little bit of EC at night when he was tiny and I found I'd even wake up to catch wees as well (In hindsight the whole EC thing was probably a bit bonkers, but anyway).

Babies seem to sleep better because they can safely be in the side lying position (if directly next to you) and they are comforted by your presence as it's all they have ever known. They don't go to sleep crying. They don't wake up crying. I know not all babies who sleep alone do this but I've never known of a co-sleeping baby who does. In fact DS used to frequently wake up with a beaming smile as though he couldn't imagine being anywhere better - there is no lovelier alarm clock! You don't have to sleep train if you feel rested and comfortable despite nighttime parenting.

I know it doesn't suit everyone, and lots of people find they sleep less soundly or have a lot of anxiety around it but for me personally it's the only thing that makes sense with a young baby.

BertieBotts · 03/06/2018 10:09

I don't know that it makes any difference to things like bonding and confidence.

DS was very anxious and clingy as a toddler but is much more independent now he is older. He isn't very keen to try new things but he will go off and do things on his own.

Bonding is surely the process of spending time with your child in general, it's not going to be any better or worse depending on when it happens.

BettyBaggins · 03/06/2018 10:10

Loved it, seemed very natural, we had a star chart around age 3 to encourage DD to stay in her own bed. She is 27 now and pretty sane though did have some issues spending time alone until recently which I wondered could be related??

MotherofPearl · 03/06/2018 13:03

The 'rod for your own back' stuff is just nonsense. As evidenced on this thread, for many parents, co-sleeping is the only way everyone can get some rest. I co-slept with each of my 3DC - still do with DD2 - and it is the best way for us to all get a good night of rest.

As @teaandbiscuitsforme says, everyone I know who has not done some form of co-sleeping has done sleep training, which IMO is cruel - it's not something I found I could do.

Bowlofbabelfish · 03/06/2018 14:56

It wasnt a rod for our backs. It worked really well for a time, and when it started to change to us all keeping each other awake we moved him to his own room with a toddler bed. He slept through in a week.

All kids are different. Do what works for you.

PartyAnxiety · 04/06/2018 09:58

I coslept out of necessity as mine literally wouldn't sleep for more than two minutes away from my body. Honestly I was nervous about it as I did feel it was more dangerous. That said given that it turned out OK I do think it was lovely for the DC as they felt so secure and got amazing sleep (me less so!).

VioletWillow · 04/06/2018 12:19

I co-slept with all three of mine (still do with the youngest) - I don't think it causes problems in the long run, my older two were very excited to have a 'grown up bed' and I haven't ever had any bedtime battles either. Definitely follow safe guidelines, ISIS is an unfortunate name but a very good website about bedsharing and co-sleeping. I guess if it works for you, do it, if it doesn't work for you, that's OK too. I couldn't be doing with getting up and down to see to a baby personally, so having them in with me suits me. And it's quite nice hearing them snore I find 😊

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