suggestions please for a parenting book that will help me and DH not scream blue murder at the kids every day and threaten to lock them in the shed

[Cappuccino]

I'm not kidding

we need help

has anyone read anything that will not make us piss ourselves laughing?

Hey. Hang on. Repeat with me

Kids are little buggers
They haven't read the books
Ultimately it's a matter of survival.

I think, you know, it is highly likely that we will all get through relatively unscathed. But I wish you were a bit closer and could bring your two round and we could leave them with Mr Inferior and go to the pub.

oh mi you know as well as I do that it's not just the kids who haven't read the books

I have the same problem with Mr Coffee

was it just me then or was cod a bit snippy with me?

you don't want to get on my bad side, young lady

you don't want to see me when I'm angry

I think tbh it is perfectly OK (well, I do this anyway) to have a day of longing to walk out and slam the door and go a LONG WAY AWAY.

I am super-tetchy today because of too much wine last night

it was fun though

but I am not 21 anymore cannot sail through the next day

it was snippy but better snippy than soppy.

Ah yes. I am tetchy on account of too much wine today and a partner who FECKING SNORED all last night. I have been mostly envying people not afflicted my children today. DP's brother brought his new girlfriend to lunch and she went on about what a Joy children are...and then said they were off to the cinema tonight. I rest my case.

She was encouraging me to have another baby ffs. (I will be 44 in 10 days' time.)

oooh cinema

I remember there

ha ha yes you should pop out another one

you are just making silly excuses

once you have two you'll never notice one more

She was wearing white trousers. Which kind of indicated both a lifestyle and an @rse unafflicted by said kids.

I think I should get them round to babysit

it gets easier when they are at school.

full of great advice me.

i think playing with them is great. the messier the better.

mud pies - fab.

glue, glitter, coloured paper - fab fab fab.

the house is a mess and who gives a shit? not me

roll of wallpaper i the garden along the path. everyone stand in paint and run along it.

hang in bedroom - date it.

painting outside fence panels - i mean really who cares#?

keep them occupied and make them tired.

they will eat and sleep. usually.

That's very true custardo. I have found dd is easier since she started school - just waiting for ds to start!

My problem is that I'm permanently tired so find it hard to summon up hte energy (let alone the enthusiasm) to keep playing with ds.

singing and dancing. to YOUR favourite records. tennis racket for pretend guitars, hairbrushes or skipping rope for microphone.
you enjoy YOUR music and its all fab. everyone dances and gets tired.

One of my greatest memories, my son ( now nearly 18!!!) old wooden tennis racket in hand stood on the living room chair and howling along with david coverdale from whitenake ( in them vynal days!) jumping off chair - rock star stylee. i swear he was only 3. fantastic.

big hill. find one running and rolling down ig hills is fab.

picnic in the living room when its raining.

make sandwiches and have wholly inappropriate food stuffs like scotch eggs and processed eerything.

lay out a blanket and have a picnic. get them to help you make it.

You sound like a lovely mum, custardo.

i tink the key tp playing is doing what you want to do rather than them. they just want you and your time and attention. so they are really easy - the key is entertaining yourself. so i am a singing dancing kind of person. and even NOW my daughter and i dance in the living room to my lovely MIKA album my youngest son bought for me for mothers day.

ta!

I remember hating the toddler years as I'm not a natural at cutting and gluing and baking cakes and what have you./ Gets easier past 5. Heck, I even kept them home and home educated and its beena blast. Still wish I'd made an effort to enjoy those early years with the older 3 as number 4 has been a total nightmare. Brain damaged and lots of hospital. She needs entertainment allw aking hours as she can't move amuscle.
But while its ok to bitch andmoan about normal kids, everyone frowns on you if you bitch abouta brain damaged one, like you're a monster. Well, here's amoan, its hard work and I wanna run away! Haven't been out for 3 years. Argh.