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[emma3456]

Hello, I'd really welcome your thoughts on this and whether my expectations are a amiss.
I have a 3 month old, he's not a great sleeper and I usually get around 4 hours a night, if that. My parents live around 5 mins from me and are semi retired, have very comfortable lifestyles etc. I sort of expected them to want to see their first grandson, but they make no effort and generally expect me to come to them for them to sit with them whilst they pat him. Am I being a massive diva expecting them to offer to take him for just a couple of hours sometimes so I can have a rest? Perhaps I am just being unreasonable.

Thanks all

You are being a bit unreasonable yes. They raised you and there are enough 'grandparents want to take over' threads.

But equally, have you talked to them about it?

I guess you're right. I have asked in a round about way but not directly as I'd hate them to feel obliged to. My mother in law is fantastic and takes him out for a day sometimes, I'd love my parents to have the same bond..

I don’t think you’re a diva, I think you’re bloody knackered! You always hear how grand parents want to help at every opportunity so it’s a shock when your own parents just don’t! I understand where people are coming from when they say “your baby, your responsibility” but it still hurts. My parents are the same as yours, I now have two dds and really thought my parents would be pushing help on me, especially when my mum was practically begging me to make her a Nanny! Have you got other help, dp? Definitely talk to them and see what they think, it could be that they don’t want to interfere. It probably won’t make you feel much better but, it does get easier it really does.

Hi @Phoenix76 , thank you for your words, it's certainly reassuring to hear that I'm not alone in this and it will get better. I think as much as anything it's just sharing the good bits with them. My mum raised 4 of us on her own and was reasonably 'tough love' in her approach so perhaps there's an element of learned behavior. My little one is quite high needs and my DH works long hours so the days are pretty full on, I guess sometimes it would be nice to have a bit of breathing space. Can I ask Phoenix, what sort of age do you think yours became easier?

You’re welcome I know exactly how you feel. Of course you need a break, it’s hard work and it’s only when I became a parent myself that I had my eyes well and truly opened. I reckon, for me personally, around the 3 year year mark was easier. You kind of swap one set of stresses for another but unless they’re ill having more sleep helps to deal with it. I think you’re right about learned behaviour but you’ve got nothing to lose by asking nicely for help, you never know they may be chuffed. Hang in there, take an hour at a time.

Before you panic, a lot of parents say it’s easier much earlier than I felt, some as young as 6 months. They’re all different and we’re all different.

I'd ask them directly. I know my in-laws prefer being directly asked I think they worry about being viewed as interfering.

These threads always get alot of mixed responses...if you were writing that the grandparents we're too overbearing you would be told not to be selfish and that you should let them do as they please, if you say they aren't interested you get told to suck it up and they have done their dues.

The truth is, we would like to think our parents and parents in law would step in to support us in a time of massive change, and especially in the early weeks which can be very hard.

I'm not sure on your age op, but from talking to friends, and being in a similar situation myself, I'm beginning to think of it as a generation issue. My children's grandparents in no way compare to my own grandparents, it's all far more self serving now. Around for the good times and for the glory, but not there to help and support you as a parent or get involved in the less appealing side of grandparenting...it's a real shame, as the tough times are where the true bonds are formed imo, comforting a child, guiding a new mum...I think all these stand offish grandparents are only doing themselves a disservice in the long run.