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Parenting

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Original poster

Does your partner / husband help with night feeds?

80 replies

charlottexox · 31/05/2018 09:45

So, I'm pregnant & due in October, and me and my partner were talking about if he's going to help with night feeds. He works and gets up at 6am every morning for work, and said I would need to do most of it at night because he won't be able to function at work (he has a tech job). I was slightly upset, but not sure if I'm going OTT?
He said on Fridays He could overtake since he doesn't work weekends, I don't know though. What is everyone's opinions?

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Bubblesblue · 31/05/2018 10:00

So far I've done them all as dd is ebf and a bottle refuser. In an ideal world, dh would do last feed before bed so I could get to bed a bit earlier. Then I'd do night feeds in the week and dh do Fri & sat nights. I think that's fair.

Kittysparks1 · 31/05/2018 10:22

For first month was ebf so was all me. Switched to formula and I would do all night feeds and have Friday off (I would sleep on sofa to ensure undisturbed). Same situation as yours apart from it was me insisting on arrangement and my partner has a very manual job. I would say I got to about 4 months in before it all got too much and I was exhausted. Partner happily stepped in.

Looking back now I should have let him do more night feeds but I was going through shit and thought I had something to prove to myself.

Now if he wakes during the night we prod each other til one of us gives in, usually him!

MrsL2016 · 31/05/2018 10:25

My DH does the last feed before bed in the week and I do any night feeds/wake ups. He does his fair share on the weekend when he is off.

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Kittysparks1 · 31/05/2018 10:28

sorry my opinion is, having Friday off is a given, but prepare him that it probably won't be enough and you will let him know when he needs to take over. It's only fair that you are both knackered!

NapQueen · 31/05/2018 10:28

We used split so if dh was at work the next day I did the night feeds, and if he wasnt then he did them.

Whoever didnt have to do the night feeds would do the 10.30pm feed plus any after 6am. The one who was waking in the night could then go to bed early if they wanted and take the lie in too.

Once i went back to work (8m with dc1, 6m with dc2) we took turns, with each of us having a Sat or Sun lay in.

Shutupanddance1 · 31/05/2018 10:30

I EBF for first 6 months and yup, I got my DH out of bed to help me. It’s not just feeding but sometimes baby just won’t settle. DH would take her after her feed, rock her, sing to her to calm her down. He works 6 days a week, leaves the house at 6.20am every morning. He considers it part of his duty as a parent to do his 50%.

I’m a SAHM as well so yes, there are times when I took over cos I worried about how much rest he got and then similarly, times when he took over as he worried about me.

Make it as 50/50 as you can from the start and it will help you enormously. My DD is nearly 2 now and we are expecting our second any day and I can safely say, if he didn’t pull his weight with the first, I wouldn’t be having the second!

mommybear1 · 31/05/2018 10:35

I've done the lions share of the feeds even with PFB being ff. DH drives a lot for work so the original agreement was for me to do Sun-Fri and his to do Fri-Sat. However it's transpired DH is feckin useless at night feeds he doesn't hear the baby despite him being in a snuzpod right by the bed . If you can get your DH to do some of the night feeds ie the weekend ones go for it. Lack of sleep is a killer

bassackwards · 31/05/2018 10:36

No because baby is EBF and I can't be bothered with pumping/bottles. Also, we agreed that DH should get the opportunity to sleep cuz he works full time and earns all the £ at the moment!

fuzzyfozzy · 31/05/2018 11:01

My dh always stayed up later than me, so he'd do the last feed at 11 ish, I'd go to bed early and do a middle of the night feed. Morning feed was taken in turns I think.

helloBuddy · 31/05/2018 11:12

I got up most of the time because I'd wake up anyway and couldn't settle until the baby was back settled. Plus my partner has long drives in his job and I don't want him driving tired. I'm not at work so it makes sense.

arbrighton · 31/05/2018 11:59

He's not being unreasonable- he does have to go to work

DH did early part of evening when DS was newborn so I could get a few hours then an hour or so in the morning while i had a nap and they walked the dogs.

Theoretically, now, he'd do nights when he's off the next day but DS gets stressed about bottles at night and it's just easier and quicker for me to feed. I wish DS would entertain DH putting him to bed after boob but currently that's not working great either

Rach000 · 31/05/2018 12:25

I have done all the nights feeds as I am breastfeeding. When my baby will have a bottle he will probably do a feed before he goes to bed.
With my first I found it didn't work that well him trying to do night feeds when baby was young as I would end up awake anyway so didn't really help. Just try get some early nights where he can do a feed if your bottle feeding or have a lie in on the weekends.

jamoncrumpets · 31/05/2018 12:26

Mine didn't with DS1. He's bloody gonna with DC2!

switswoo81 · 31/05/2018 12:56

Have a 6 week old bottle fed dd ( and 3yo dd)Dh does a bottle at 11:30 ( I go to bed at 10) she wakes between 5 and 6 for a bottle . Dh makes this and I feed he goes straight to sleep. She wakes again between 8 and 9 but we are up anyway then for work and dd1 to play school. At weekends I let him lie in and I get up with girls. To be fair baby Is a dream has only ever woken for a bottle settles straight away so neither of us are sleep deprived. He works 9-6. He says he loves the couple of hours just the two of them every evening.

OneForTheRoadThen · 31/05/2018 13:00

I do them all, she's FF but I co-sleep with her in the spare room. I don't mind as not really that tired anymore. I have a 2 year old too so I don't do any housework during the day at all, apart from cooking meals for my son.

CheesecakeAddict · 31/05/2018 13:02

The plan was that I do the nights during the week and on a weekend dp does 50%. But dd is a bottle refuser so that choice was taken out of our hands. Up until 4 months she also woke up every 30 mins for a feed so it was better for me to bedshare and just put her on the boob and sleep. I am back at work in 5 weeks though and are on bottle training. Since I'll be doing nursery drop offs, dp will take over the nights.

RideOn · 31/05/2018 13:09

I breastfed and co-slept for all 4 children and apart from the first 3 weeks (6 weeks the first time), honestly night times were fine. I fed and fell asleep straight away.
I'd say until they were about 9 - 10 months I was well slept.
My DH never did a night feed but he also worked in the kind of job you can't do tired.

PrinsPolo · 31/05/2018 13:10

Not with feeding as mine are/were both breastfed and great at going straight back to sleep so there was really nothing he could add. But he always gets up if there is any vomiting or other illness in the night, if the older one wants a drink of water or needs to go to the toilet.

And he has been instrumental in night weaning. He's on leave at the moment with our 10 month old and I'm not feeding at night anymore (or at least that's the theory) so if he cries at night, DP is the one who gets up to settle him. He's the main 'night duty' parent now. The only problem is I have to wake him up to go do it which is not great.

I actually think it's reasonable that the person on leave deals with the nights as long as they have the sort of baby that gives them a chance to catch up on sleep in the day time. If daytime sleeping is not possible for either parent for whatever reason then both need to be pulling their weight equally. But yes, Fridays and Saturdays off if the baby is formula fed sounds reasonable and the working parent should be taking over baby care at other times to let the on-leave parent get some rest, e.g. they get home from work and go straight on duty whilst the on-leave parent goes to take a 2/3 hour nap. Or on-leave parent goes to bed at 8 or 9 and is not 'on' again until midnight.

There are ways you can arrange it to help everyone get at least some sleep. But it's always going to be a bit tough for the first few months at least I think.

MooChops89 · 31/05/2018 13:15

DD is 5 weeks old, DH went back to work on Tuesday but I've pretty much done all the night feeds - was combo feeding at first which was bloody hard at night - BF then top up and express. DH did a couple of the top ups but he's the heaviest sleeper so wouldn't always wake up then when he did he'd be falling asleep feeding her so I do it myself! She's now FF at night so much easier. When off work he would take her after 7am so I could lie in.

Sleeplikeasloth · 31/05/2018 13:17

We have shared the nights, either half the night each, or alternated nights, from the day our baby was born.

We figured it's the fairest way, and because we get a full 8 hours every other night, neither one of us is exhausted. Sharing the burden does make things easier. Yes, he works, but that doesn't mean you don't need your sleep, and it it doesn't mean you can necessarily make up for it during naps.

Unless your husband is a surgeon, or something where he needs to be completely on his ball all the time (which is precious few jobs in reality), then there's no excuse in my book, if you are formula feeding.

PandaG · 31/05/2018 13:21

Mine were both ebf, but from about 3 weeks dh did Friday nights with expressed milk, and I had 10 hours or so straight through. That one night of full sleep kept me sane. Also if DC woke up and wouldn't settle from 5/5.30 onwards he would take them downstairs after I had fed them so I could have another hour or so sleep and then shower/get dressed before he left for work.

GummyGoddess · 31/05/2018 13:22

With dc1 who was mix fed, DH did help on weekends. With dc2 he's currently on paternity with me and he is doing nappies after feeding only an dc2 doesn't have bottles.

He does it with huffing but he still does it. When he goes back to work I will try and do as much as possible during the week as dc2 is so far quite content to co sleep and I will be able to nap during the day.

ThereIsIron · 31/05/2018 13:25

DH did all the night feeds for all 3 DC (all FF)

Luxembourgmama · 31/05/2018 13:25

Exclusively FF he did friday nights.

flowerpicture · 31/05/2018 13:28

We exclusively FF and he does all the night feeds and goes to work.

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