Scared to try for #2

[Twinkletwinklelittlefish]

My son is almost 1 and we’re thinking about when we’d like to have another baby. However, I am finding it really hard to get my head around being pregnant again. Specifically, I’m scared of giving birth again after a traumatic birth. I’m also frightened of the aftermath of healing which has taken me months and I’m still not great. Sex is still uncomfy etc. Have also had a bad time of it sleep wise and in general I’ve found it hard having a small baby. I don’t feel like I’ve got ptsd and I’m not depressed so no way I’d get help on the NHS and we can’t afford private therapy. Everyone keeps telling me the second birth would be easier but I don’t think it works like that for everyone and I don’t feel I can rely on that assumption. Has anyone been through this? What did you do?

No advice but just wanted to let you know I feel the same. My DS is only 7 months, naturally OH and I have discussed it.. but same as you, my birth was awful and it took me a long time physically and mentally to get over it. We’ve had lots of other problems since such as misdiagnosed allergies DS has, reflux etc etc I could rant on!!
For me personally, I think the bottom line is i’ll always feel a little this way. He was my first baby I’ll never forget the experience in any which way. However, having said that if the cons are outweighing the pro’s as such then I think it’s still too soon.
Maybe give it a little bit longer and see how you feel? There’s no rush

Hi OP, my first birth was difficult and ended up in labour for 24 hours and a forceps delivery with episiotomy. Wasn't fun! Took a while to heal and I was convinced until my DS was around 1 that he would be my only one. Cut to now and I have a 20 month old DD too I wasn't ready for another until DS was around 2, and my second labour was a lot quicker and easier with no intervention at all (apart from stitching me up because she came out in 3 pushes and I had a tear). everything was a lot better the second time round.

Thank you both, that is helpful to hear. I guess I am just not ready yet but might feel differently in time (hard to imagine!). Birth is just so much more brutal than I had imagined first time round

My DD is 5 months and DH and I have always said about having 2 close together. I was really up for trying again in a few months time but the last month has been horrendous. My DD has had the worst reflux and the thought of going through this again, fills me with fear. 😳

We’ve struggled with reflux too, horrible isn’t it. My son is very “spirited” as well and it certainly hasn’t been easy. I expected won’t be an easy toddler either so I do wonder how on Earth I’d manage with another baby

Has your sons reflux settled down OP? My DD is now on SMA anti reflux milk, Gaviscon & Ranitidine but she's still really difficult during feeds.

I know all babies are different, but there is nothing to say the next one won't experience similar issues. But I really do want another, so we'll probably still try but maybe leave it a little longer.

I had an awful labour and birth and still recovering from various injuries including a broken bone. DS is 2 and I’m pregnant again.

I found having a debrief with the consultant helpful to understand what exactly went wrong the first time around and understand the risks of the same issues happening again and talk through what you are worried about.

Is there a reason why you are keen to have your second quickly? If you are still recovering it might be worth waiting a bit longer?

The reflux is slightly better @myotherbagisgucci but not completely. Sucks doesn’t it.

Thanks @foxglovestar, I perhaps could try to track down one of the consultants for a debrief. I suppose I feel silly because loads of people have difficult labours and I think they’d feel like there wasn’t much to say. Plus it’s a year on. And at the time when I requested intervention after an incredibly long and painful labour they basically told me to stop complaining because labour is supposed to be hard and I would manage.

What bone did you break, poor thing? We don’t have to try right away but I’m not getting any younger and it wasn’t quick the first time. I’m thinking slightly ahead but I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like I want to do it again. I’m glad you did though, congratulations on your pregnancy

Hey op,

I had a pretty chilled and relaxed birth, until the end when DS was being strangled and had to be pulled out with forceps!
A complication after the birth resulted in me heading off to ICU.

I then struggled with PND and had 0 help from the father (MIA).

I was adamant I wasn't having anymore because of everything that happened, I even went to my doctors to get sterilised.

I'm now pregnant with DC2 (although struggling with it all due to the father) and my DS is 14 months.