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Parenting

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Original poster

Unexpected third baby

14 replies

Lostalldirection · 28/05/2018 17:52

I have two children aged 2 and 3 and have just discovered at the age of 45 that I am pregnant. I am distraught and have been in shock to the point I've done nothing but cry and I haven't been able to think straight since I found out 4 weeks ago. Both DH and I had no plans for a third child, we're both mid 40's and consider ourselves blessed to have two healthy DC's already. This pregnancy is the result of contraception failure, we definitely weren't ttc.

I've had a couple of counselling sessions and booked and then rebooked a termination four times because each time I just couldn't bring myself to see it through but at the same time really really don't want another child.

I don't even know why I'm posting here really because I know you can't tell me what to do but I'm so confused and just don't understand why I can't make my mind up. I know we don't want another child, can't afford another child, don't have any space and I'm already short on time because the two children I already have are still so young but I also just can't seem to bring myself to see through a termination. Has anyone else been through this and what happened in the end?

Thanks for reading.

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SayNoToCarrots · 28/05/2018 20:09

Hi lostall.

I have two children, one six, one six months. I have always been prochoice but felt I couldn't personally have an abortion. Now I have my two, I can see that a third sibling would make things so much harder for everyone. Now my brain says I don't want any more children, I can't afford more, they each have a sibling, if I should accidentally fall pregnant again it would be best to terminate. But I know that if push came to shove I would feel exactly as you do.

I'm sorry that this is not helpful, but I just wanted you to feel less alone.

DesignedForLife · 28/05/2018 22:30

I've never been in the situation, I have two and can't decide on a third, if I had a surprise I'd go with it personally.

I think the fact that you've booked a termination and cancelled it three times already speaks volumes.

melissasummerfield · 28/05/2018 22:36

This was me 18 months ago, 3 yo and 2 yo dc and then shock pregnancy.. we had decided that we were not having anymore children and dh was booked in for the snip

I was absolutely hysterical for about a month but decided i couldnt have a termination and now have a 8mo dd, we are fine, just worried about money but will figure it out!

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Bringonspring · 28/05/2018 22:49

I agree with PP the fact that you have cancelled three times is telling.

With a 3 and a 2 year old your still in the thick of things so a baby will be ok (way more challenging to go back to the baby stage/fit a baby into older children’s routines)

Original poster

Lostalldirection · 31/05/2018 16:26

Thank you so much everyone for replying.

Melissa I'm really pleased it has worked out for you.

I just called my Dr's to make an appt to have a chat with the midwife and had to explain why to receptionist, told her I'm 45 with an unplanned pregnancy and she gasped and said "45? Oh no what are you going to do?" I was really taken aback and told her I already have a three year old and a two year old to which she replied "I'm only seven years older than you and have two grandchildren so I couldn't think of anything worse" I got off the phone and burst in to tears. Feel even worse about the situation now.

OP posts:

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 31/05/2018 16:29

Congratulations op. I had ds at 43 and ttc again unsuccessfully. .

Mayhemmumma · 31/05/2018 16:30

It might be the wrong time now but absolutely complain about the receptionists comments. Unbelievably unprofessional, offensive and inappropriate!

If you will regret an abortion don't but if it's guilt that would then turn to relief afterwards, do would be my thinking.

melissasummerfield · 31/05/2018 16:37

@lostalldirection how bloody rude! I dont know where they recruit Doctors receptionists, there must be a special place where rude people go to get jobs!! Ignore this stupid thoughtless woman, hope you are okay

starday · 31/05/2018 16:48

We have three and the third was a surprise! We were very shocked, lots of tears but went through with it and last child has really made our family. BUT I was 37... now 41 and oh is 46, we had a scare recently and although I support women who have abortions I personally don't know if I could do it. But I would now at this age. Our family is complete and my oh worry is being the old man at the school gate. His biggest issue is being an old parent, 50 when they start school, not being well enough to run around with them etc. Also the risk of problems increases, and I really couldn't take this risk with my children.

Sending you hugs for your decision making

Bluemum18 · 31/05/2018 16:51

So my boys are 12 and 8 and I was already so content with that and always said I would never have another, I am now a mother to another boy who is 4 months old. In all honesty I really don’t find it much different having another, obviously I know the age of my other two is a lot different. As other have said cancelling the appointment speaks volumes and even if there is a slight doubt in your mind then it is best to make sure you are 100% on the final decision you make.

BabloHoney · 31/05/2018 16:59

The receptionist's comment was totally unnecessary and you'd have every right to make a complaint.
Good luck and be kind to yourself, whatever you decide xx

madamginger · 31/05/2018 17:12

I was you, I had a 1 year old, a 3 year old and a shock pregnancy. I’d had a termination 5 years earlier and really didn’t want another one.
I agonised over what to do and decided to have the baby but I really struggled to bond during my pregnancy and pretended that it wasn’t happening.
They are older now and it’s all worked out but it was hard when they were babies and toddlers.

TitZillas · 31/05/2018 17:21

Our transition from 2 to 3 was the easiest and moat seamless of all. 1st baby a massive shock to the system, second was tricky to split attention and balance everything, third - just slots right in!
I had two DDs and then DS came along - he is an absolute joy. He’s clever and funny and so caring - don’t get me wrong, life can be hectic and stressful and sometimes DH and I are fuming with all of them! But overall - it is wonderful. As they grow up, we are starting to enjoy them more and more (ours are 9/6/4)

buffysummers4 · 31/05/2018 21:24

No helpful advice except to definitely complain formally about the receptionist to the practice manager- may not strictly be her fault, may need better training but completely unacceptable to comment like that. Best wishes for your decision. The

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