Househusband

[judiectanner76]

My husband and I are soon going to have our first child soon. Long story short, I work in finance and earn more than he does, so it is likely that he will have to stay home since we do not want to bring in a helper.

While it all makes sense, I have to admit this isn't quite the way I imagined things to play out for me. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this, so wanted to reach out to the mumsnet community.

What do we feel about househusbands? Are there househusbands on this forum?

If you search SAHP then there's a whole board dedicated to Stay At Home Parents including dads 👍🏻

My husband is a stay at home parent. Didn't plan it that way but our circumstances changed and it made sense. Do you have specific concerns about being at work? I'm sure others will say the same but it's hard to know how you'll feel until the time comes.

What is it about the situation that you are concerned about ?

He won't really be a house husband; he'll be the SAHP.

I met quite a few SAHDs when I was on maternity leave. They didn't tend to be as chatty as the mums in group, but that could be for a number of reasons.

I think from your post, you're implying that you always pictured it would be you staying home with any children?

You and your partner need to sit down and really talk it through.

Is this just to cover the first year, or will it be long term?
Can you split parental leave?
Can you both go down to part time hours?
Could your husband get a better paid job before you'd start to suffer from the lack of your wage?
Can you actually afford to live on your husband's wage if you take the time off?
What would you do if you had another child in the future?

More and more dads are being stay at home parents, but it is still hard for them because it's not 'the norm', and childcare is still seen as being 'women's work'.

Congratulations on your impending new arrival

If it doesn’t quite feel right for you can you redress the balance a little? My husband does 2 days childcare, I do 1 (and squeeze full time hours into 4 days) and nursery do 2. This balance works for us in terms of how much childcare we want to do and the importance of our careers to us, and relative earning.

Does husband want to do the majority of the childcare?

We’re the same as foxglove I work 4 days and he does 3. He also has all school holidays off.
I flipping love it. He’s a really hands on dad and amazingly capable (especially in the early days when it’s easy to take a back seat). The children want us for different things. He does fun and I do cuddles. We also play to our strengths in activities. I do a dance class and bake with them and he will climb trees. (This makes me sound proper 50s but i’m Actually a computer programmer and quite with it!!).
However there are some odd things. I do feel some jealousy occasionally. There arenMt as many sahd as mums (especially since we moved from the city to a small town). My husband went to a baby group for 10 weeks before the leader stopped saying hello to the mummies and included the Dad. I’ve met quite a few people who look shocked that I could ‘do this’ to my children. How much I tell them varies on if I give a shit.
I either point out that I work in IT and he’s in education so it makes financial sense or that I chose not to have children with a fuckwit and he actually wants to spend time with his children.
The their complication of shared care is we both work part time so there are fewer opportunities for promotion etc. But now while the children are small I am totally happy with the set up.
K

There is nothing wrong with having a stay at home dad although not common. The one I know of is an amazing dad, very capable and they seem like a strong family unit. How does your DH feel about it? Is there a way you could condense of WFH at all to give you a bit more time at home?