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Original poster

So annoyed/disappointed with DS (nearly 6)

13 replies

Budababe · 18/05/2007 17:59

This afternoon after school took DS to a coffee shop which has tables outside and a playground with some friends of mine and their children. All playing happily and my friend went up to push her DD on swing. Came back after a while with her DS who she put on a chair away from our table and told him to stay there for being naughty. Turns out he had been saying nasty things to a woman in the playground - things like "stupid lady" etc. Se told me my DS joined in saying "stupid fat lady". So I went and got my DS and we took both boys to apologise to the woman in question. (We are in Budapest and they assumed she couldn't understand them but she is actually a mum from our school - and I really don't care if she could understand or not.

I am so furious and disappointed I feel sick. I can't even look at him. We came straight home and so far I have banned TV and Playstation all weekend and have told him how cross I am and how disappointed. He is now eating dinner and I have told him it is then bath and straight to bed.

Lots of tears in the car on the way home when he was told he was going to bed early. Wants to make it up to me. Have never had to deal with anything like this before and want to nip it in the bud sharpish. Any ideas on punishment - severe enough or not. I want him to remember this so that it doesn't happen again.

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OrmIrian · 18/05/2007 18:06

It sounds as if you've already made an impression on him. I should leave it at early bed and have another word with him before he goes to sleep. Make sure he knows that similar behaviour will meet with stricter punishments.

I think you are right to be strict on this. I can't stand kids who are allowed to be rude to other people - there is no need for it. But I suspect the 2 lads egged each other on without really meaning to be hurtful - kids aren't always good at putting themselves in others shoes - and you made them both apologise which will have been quite a punishment in itself I suspect.

Blu · 18/05/2007 18:09

I am sure that Ormirian is right about the 'silly zone' they enter, without really thinking about it, and that your DS is not fundemenatlly rude or hurtful. It sounds as if you have made a good job of shocking him our of that small-boy silly zone....let it go once the punishment is over, and make a point of praising him for good manners and considertae behaviour over the next few days, to re--inforce.

I have a nearly-6 year-old, too.

Chloe55 · 18/05/2007 18:10

I think you are right to be strict on this but don't prolong it. You have told your ds no Playstation & TV all weekend so now you will have to stick to that but I would still make sure you do other things with him this weekend. He obviously knows how upset you are, particularly if this is not normal behaviour for you or your ds. If it was out of character of him then I guess he was probably influenced by the other boy - not an excuse I know, but better than being the instigator.

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HonoriaGlossop · 18/05/2007 18:26

Yes I can see why you're really disappointed but he is still only five and it's very very easy at that young an age to be 'led'.

He's extremely young.

However it's good that you showed very clearly how awful this was. It sounds like you have brought it home to him.

I do think banning TV etc for a whole weekend may have been just a bit much as by Sunday afternoon, to a five year old, the events of today will seem weeks ago so the efficacy of the punishment just has to be diminished IMO. I agree that straight to bath, bed and a good chat about it before bed would be the best thing and then just move on and have a lovely weekend.

I think he's learned a big lesson already. Your job is done!

Greensleeves · 18/05/2007 18:42

I agree with Blu. Even gorgeous, lovely children are foul sometimes, it's inevitable. It's not a nice feeling though is it .

Original poster
Budababe · 18/05/2007 18:51

Thanks everyone - I needed to hear that I am not raising a little horror and that this could be a one-off.

He is being a little angel just now. Ate dinner, took plate etc to sink and has had bath. There is no way he will go to sleep just yet if I put him to bed so he is looking at his school reading books on the sofa - a reward for doing as he is told since we came home. He asked how he could make it up to me so good behaviour tomorrow may earn him back the TV.

We had the chat about why I am so cross while having our usual after bath cuddle.

Have just poured myself a large glass of wine and am off to make myself some pasta. DH is out tonight so we were going for pizza but that got knocked on the head too!

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Budababe · 19/05/2007 07:21

Downside of no Playstation is that he woke up before 6 this morning and would normally be happy to come down and play on Playstation but as it and tv are banned he was footering about upstairs. Sent him to his room to read and he went and tried to wake DH who was in spare room after a late night. So he is now in trouble again!!!

(And I just remembered I bought him a new football yesterday that he wanted for ages. Put it in the toybox in the garden to find as a surprise. Now what do I do?

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HonoriaGlossop · 19/05/2007 07:26

Move on! Let him have the ball, let him (and you) have a lovely weekend. I honestly think you will do more harm than good if you prolong yesterday's events to today.

He needs a clean slate and the chance to be the good boy he obviously is.

twentypence · 19/05/2007 07:28

Let him have the football - as TV and Playstation have been banned it'll keep him out of your hair, and is a healthy outlet for his energy.

I saw a 4 year old boy kick a girl in the face today and his mum hugged him and told him it was just an accident, and sat stroking his hair as he cried. So I am currently very supportive of mother's that do go down the difficult route. I am also wondering how to make sure my ds doesn't "accidentally" end up with his face on the end of this kid's foot, but that's another story.

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Budababe · 19/05/2007 07:36

Gosh twentypence - I assume it wasn't an accident?

I was totally mortified by what happened yesterday and after a major telling off (more than once!) DS was upset - but mainly at the idea of going to bed early. He was very subdued last night and wanted lots of cuddles - which he got (doesn't volunteer for them much lately so I made the most of that!).

Ok then - will leave football for him to find later. He is fine now - kicking a sponge ball around the playroom.

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FrannyandZooey · 19/05/2007 08:15

Oh Buda I completely agree this is normal (silly) behaviour for a 5 year old

I think you were right to come down very firmly about it, but now let the slate be wiped clean - from reading your post I got a very strong sense of your disapproval having been more than enough punishment for your son who really needs and thrives on your love and affection.

twentypence · 19/05/2007 10:29

No, he took a run up at this girl and kicked her - he meant it all right.

onlygirlinthehouse · 19/05/2007 11:00

you were completely right to come down hard on him but I think everyone else is right when they say move on and have a nice weekend. You could even explain to him that sometimes mummies get so upset and dissappointed with their little boys that they say things that later they think might be a little bit too much, like no tv or playstation all weekend. We are allowed to be wrong sometimes too. I am sure he knows how upset you were and he has been good ever since.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend and he enjoys his new football

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