Anybody else struggling to conceive #2???

[dejags]

Hi all

DH and I have been together for 10 years and already have one gorgeous DS (14 months). We have been trying to conceive no 2 for 6 months now with now success!

I am really starting to worry that there is something wrong - it took over a year to conceive DS no 1, my GP had just started investigative tests when I fell pregnant. I can't stand the thought of having to wait another 6 months before the doctor will even see me.

How long did it take for you to conceive no 2?

Thanks
dejags

how old are you dejags? me & dh are just starting to try for no.2, no.1 took a couple of months but I'm convinced it'll take longer this time (I'm 37)

bundle,

I am 28, DS is 30 so there should be plenty of time left from a biological perspective.

here's hoping for next month
dejags

Dejags

I remember reading quite a recent article in the Guardian about some research which found that although it is standard practice in this country to begin fertility investigations and treatments after 12 months of trying to conceive, if women carried on for a further 12 months a large proportion of them did become pregnant naturally (think it might have been 50%).

I think the guardianunlimited.co.uk site has an archive search facility, try looking under 'infertility'. I'm sure it was in the last month or so. Meanwhile good luck and have fun! love Mopsy x

Dejags - sounds like you'd like to have this happen ASAP .... but 6 months is very little ! This is probably why your GP won't see you yet... the LESS you worry the more chances you have... You are young and obviously you were able to have 1.... so give it a bit more time - but I understand you are quite anxious !

I know it's easier said than done, but everyone says "relax" and it'll happen

Sobernow - yes having MIL in the house is going to make conception much more difficult that's why I was so hoping to have a positive by the time she'd arrived.

Babydancing with an audience is definitely NOT my idea of fun.

Dejags

PS how do you put the smiley face in your posting?

dejags - look under Getting Started at the top of this page...it gives you all the smileys etc - but the ordinary smiley is a colon followed by closed brackets!

thanks!

Dejags I really understand - I also understand how irritating it can be to be told ''to stop worrying and it'll happen''!!! ( True tho' it may be!)
My dd is 18 months and we've been trying for a year now - it took 2. 25 years to get pregant with dd but I lost 3 on the way - so some of the times I got pregant quite quickly and others it seemed to take months - but never as long as this. I'm 38 now so that's another stress.

I've actually booked to see a consultant privately now ( seeing him this Saturday so fingers crossed!) - this time round I saw my GP after 6 months as I'm so much older than you - I have to say if you fear that there is something 'wrong' eg erratic ovulation I'd be inclined to lie ( OK OK I know I have no morals!) in a couple of months and say you've been trying for a year already!!!
In the mean time , if you haven't already then check out this site - www.tcoyf.com - an American site, very very busy and people on there know everything there is to know about maximising conception! Also for cheap ovulation kits try www.babystart.co.uk - for cheap preg test kits try Poundland if you have one near you - they sell them for £1!!!
If you just want to moan about having to BD when you don't Bl**dy well feel like it ( or with MIL listening !) then feel free - I'll certainly sympathise!

Dejags I know exactly what you are going through. My first son was conceived within three months, my second son took nearly three years! It's very hard when you want something really badly but it doesn't seem to be happening. We waited a year before seeing the doctor and I went through lots of tests only to be told that the only way that they could help us would be through IVF. We knew from the start that we didn't want that it's much too invasive, the tests were bad enough.
My advice to you would be to wait a little while longer, but only you know whats best for you and your partner. Once doctors are involved things get clinical (!) and that could possibly drive a wedge between you and your partner. How does he feel at the moment?

dejags, a year is the average amount of time it takes to conceive. Your track record sounds pretty normal and not an indication of there being anything wrong. And you are both so young so there should be no panic in that dept. I know everyone has said it and it's not easy, but relax, it truly does help. I spent a year trying to conceive with my first husband with no luck at all. We were very stressed at the time in our lives and he was travelling lots and as it turned out was having an affair and ended up leaving me. Nature works in mysterious ways. A few years later with my second husband, he had a vasectomy reversal which we were told by the consultant after a few months, hadn't worked. So we decided to "give up" go on honeymoon and start ivf when we got back. Well, I got pregnant on the honeymoon. And conceived the next one when ds was 13 mo. old. (we had only been trying for a few months at that point as i had been bfing and hadn't had a period for a year). I think you need to not think about it for awhile and have lots of sex for fun, not conceiving, until mil goes home. You can also, look at the other factors like, good diet, no smoking, no tight underwear/trousers for hubby, etc.
Also, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, please make sure that both you AND your husband are taking a daily multi-vitamin with iron. There is more and more evidence that this can make a difference to fertility.

Been trying for number 2 for a year now. Worried about reports in press about conception more difficult if first born is an emergency c -section (which he was). Thinking about going to doctor - what sort of things would comprise any initial tests to see if everthing is OK? I'm (only) 32 but DH is 40.

Pluto - on a positive note there are a couple ( at least!) of Mumsnetters who are pregnant after a long wait - Marina and Tia are the two I'm aware of - so it can suddenly happen out of the blue - and also as I mentioned before - if you're not already into taking temperatures/checking mucus(!) etc then do check out the 'Taking Charge of your Fertility 'Website - www.tcoyf.com.

In the first instance a GP is likley to organise a sperm test - he/she will give a little jar and you have to drive to a hosp keeping it at body temp ( hope you've got a big cleavage!) within a couple of hours.
Then there's the '21' day test - a blood test on day 21 of your cycle which checks progesterone levels - to see if you're ovulating.
Slightly more 'advanced' are LH and FSH tests on days 3-6 ( I think!) of cycle - again blood tests for you to check that the right levels of hormones are present. IF all these are normal then you would almost certainly be refered to a specialist if that's what you want ( for eg. laproscopy to see if tubes are ok). If you're not ovulating properly tho' a GP might prescribe Clomid ( pills taken on days 3-5 or 3-7 of period).
Would just add re- ''stopping trying/worrying'' that everyone is so keen to suggest - does anyone know anyone who desperately wanted a child but managed to ''stop trying'' because they thought that stopping trying would help them to conceive???? HMmmm thought not! I am SURE that the removal of stress involved DOES help conception - but short of a life altering event happening to push you into not caring - how do you achieve it? I know many stories where it has happened - but all because of death/divorce/ illness etc etc made them concentrate on other things - much as I want to get pregnant I don't want it THAT badly!!!!

Bayleaf, thanks for the details about tcoyf website, I think I will check that out myself. We are also trying for no. 2 - it took 2 years to fall with ds, after going through all the procedures you just described, ending with a lap and dye, after which I was pregnant within 2 months.

This time around, we started last September, I was pregnant in Feb but had a m/c after 7 weeks, then we waited until two cycles had passed before trying again. So it took 5 months from when we started in Sept, and could probably take another 5 months since trying again in May, I figure - I'm trying to look at it positively like that, rather than saying we've been trying for nearly a year, which in my mind puts us under more pressure, as 6 months to conceive is pretty normal.

Dejags, is there any way you and dh could get away for a weekend, around about your possible conception dates? At least you won't be so bothered about the walls having ears when you are surrounded by complete strangers, just the thought of my MIL being in the same house would pour cold water on any baby dancing antics for me!

(Dejags, so sorry, I keep wanting to type two jags, not that I am comparing you to John Prescott in any way!)

At risk of teaching grandmothers to suck eggs...
Are you on an appropriate regime of vitamins and minerals ( I can't have the foresight hair test as I dye mine and am far too vain to go grey - but I'd recommend it if you're less follically challenged than me!!)- I'm taking Zita West ones but they cost an arm and a leg - I'm sure there are cheaper alternatives.
Diet is also very important - lots of whole grains and fruit and veg - organic if possible, lots of fish, minimal red meat etcv etc ( I'm sure you know the regime!)
VERY important to drink at least 2 litres of water a day ( for mucus!) and grapefruit juice ( allegedly!) just prior to ovulation. There are also lots of herbs that can help if you have an irregular cycle/problem with ovulation - see tcoyf for full details - I ended up seeing a qualified medical herbalist as there are just so many and I was confused - and ovulation IS a problem for me.
In the end I didn't see the specialist today as after booking my appointment with an unknown consultant at the local BUPA hospital I discovered that the lovely,lovely consultant who I saw on the NHS when I was referred after my first 2 miscarriages was the bloke who did fertility at the other local private hospital - so I cancelled the first appointment and rebooked ( got to wait till 12th Aug tho) as I know from friends who have 'been there' how important it is to have a ''human'' consultant if you're going to end up having ivf or similar. This man had to hold my hand and explain why my baby had died after an amnio at 18 weeks - a pretty good test of his interpersonal skill!

Bayleaf, thank you for taking the time to respond. You know I'm really feeling insecure about seeing a GP because it seems to be acknowledging there might be a problem when there might not be one! I also feel quite uncomfortable around doctors for a number of reasons: About ten years ago my (ex) GP was struck off for harrassing his patients. he'd always seemed like such a totally trustworthy bloke and I obviously misjudged him. I don't think I've really sorted out my feelings about the emergency c-s, I think I was a bit depressed afterwards. I had expected and had had a fantastic labour until the last minute. Doctors and I seem to have only met in stressful situations (and I like to think it's because I'm healthy). So I do feel some trepidation in going to see my (lovely) GP. I also feel selfish, I have one lovely son, perhaps I should just try to forget it all and hope that a little miracle will happen. I'd love him to have a sibling....

Pluto - Given your feelings I think I'd certainly wait a while as seeing a Dr will undoubtedly increase your stress given your feelings - and that's the last thing you need - especailly as you almost certainly DON'T have a problem ( given ds)
I feel most positive ( and thus least stressed)about it all when I feel I'm doing everything I possibly can myself to optimise it happening - thus my very 'proactive ' approach!.
Have a look on babyworld.co.uk under trying to conceive and on epregnancy.com - also trying to conceive - both have useful info.
Lots of luck!

Pluto - I think talking things through as you are doing on Mumsnet will do you good - you seem to have a lot on your mind. Is there anyone near you you can talk to (someone with knowledge)? As I write this, I remember saw you post something on TW recently.... do you live near there ?
Also I had trouble concieving number 1.... we went on holiday and he was concieved... we were so relaxed, etc (also I had planned to see the GP on my return so I was NOT expecting to concieve IYKWIM)

Good luck - keep us posted

Pluto, I took nearly 2 years to conceive no 2 after a c-section and like you was increasingly convinced the surgery had done for my fertility permanently. Like you, but maybe with not such justification, I was anxious about seeing my GP, and kept putting it off - it seemed like it was an acknowledgement we had a problem.
I even posted here under a different name, I was feeling so distressed about it all, and got brilliant advice from cooking superstar Ems, and I went and made the appointment. The initial tests were all non-invasive, minimally embarrassing, and got obvious things such as sperm count and polycystic ovary syndrome crossed off our list.
I also got bags of useful advice from Bayleaf here, in whose debt I am eternally ( XXX), and having got a consultant's appointment through for a lap and dye discussion, promptly finally got pregnant - because I had finally relaxed about it all.
There are good private clinics you can go to for basic fertility investigations if you really feel unhappy about using your GP. Having havered about mine (big and rather variable overstretched group practice), the GP I finally saw was SO kind and nice to us both, individually and together, it brought tears to my eyes. And previously she had driven me nuts on at least one occasion.

It's so nice to check out the site and find all this reassurance! I will look at the websites you've recommended. Pupuce, I am in TW!

If you want to get in touch (I leave that completely up to you and won't be offended if you want to remain anonymous), ask mumsnet for my e-mail adress and we can get in touch.
I am in TW as well.