How do I make DH understand that reading the paper with DD on lap is not 'playing with her'??

[whomovedmychocolate]

I'm flipping furious. I asked him to look after her so I could do some housework, not sit on my bum and do nothing, no, actually so I could clean the floors because his MOTHER is coming next week.
I hear her start fussing so I stick my head round the door and he's sitting there reading the paper and ignoring her. He sees me notice this and asks me to pass her over (because presumably his legs no longer work). I reassure DD and put her on her daddy's knee and leave the room.
So I get stuck into the cleaning, vacuuming so I can't hear anything and then go and empty the kitchen composter and am confronted in the garden by shouty DH complaining that DD is crying and 'needs milk' and that I am so selfish to let her cry!
I came back in and she was not crying, in fact she was fine, she was just BORED with sitting on his lap, with no toys, watching him read a newspaper. Frankly I know how she feels. I get very bored too because he does this all day, reading the newspapers and ignoring everyone and everything.
He insists she needs milk, I try and feed her and guess what, she's not interested, she just wants to play but he's now buggered off because apparently, that's his parenting done for the day.
It's okay though: he's "tired" because he hasn't had a nap.
We are currently doing sleep training, that is to say I am, he's moved into the spare room citing an inability to cope 'without eight straight hours sleep'. WTF?! I haven't had HALF THAT FOR OVER A YEAR! DD is seven months old and she has never slept through and I'm dealing with that but he's so fucking pathetic with his 'well it's all right for you, you can cope with it'. Like hell I can, I'm going demented but he's too self obsessed to notice.
I'd quite like to run him over at the minute. He's so bloody self obsessed and lazy.
I should add, neither of us work full time. We both work from home, and neither of us work more than 15 hours a week. So it's not like he's tired from work either. He's just a lazy git.

Ah, the old 'well it's all right for you, you can cope with it' line. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Your dh does sound even lazier than mine though, as at least mine works hard at his job. One day you'll find a post on here that makes you glad your dh isn't as lazy as the one being posted about .

wulfrics is right though, he will get better at spending time with her as she gets older and more interactive.

You aren't married to my DH are you?!

He moans he doesn't see much of DD but spends his time, with her, reading the paper/ watching TV. Even when he's in the middle of changing her he's looking up at the TV. Then I say "she's trying to get your attention" because she's cooing and coughing (she's 9 weeks) but still UKGold gets most of his attention. I give up.

I'm just so bloody angry. When I ask him if he wants another child he says that he would, but he doesn't want anything to do with the one he has, unless it's to show off to his friends as if she's some sort of trophy. Besides which, he's moved into the spare room because he needs his sleep. ahh precious love.

THEN HE HAS THE NERVE TO SAY HE NEEDS A BLINKING NAP.

She is already mobile and I can't leave her with him because he doesn't watch her and I come back and she's under the furniture or eating my credit card and he just says 'ooh she's fine' not even looking up.

do you feel better for getting it off your chest?
It's a lvoely day so forget the housework and take her for a walk. Ask him to come too.
The first year of having a baby is when most couples argue so it's perfectly normal to feel this way about him. Take a deep breath and rise above it.

Evenhope - it took FOUR MONTHS for me to make him change her nappy. He said it made him feel sick to do it. I said I didn't care and that I would personally kill him in his sleep if he didn't do it. So he begrudgingly changes about one in sixty nappies. But always for a disposable (we use washables for 99% of the time but always have a few emergency disposables). The one time he did put a real nappy on he didn't bother with a liner or a wrap 'seemed like overkill, how much can she wee?'

We don't have a TV though so at least he doesn't watch TV. But frankly, at least then I'd have something in the house that responded (even if it was ficking jeremy kyle).

Sounds very familiar WMMC, I sympathise completely.

My now xp, was like that with our dd.
I would have to remind him all the time to pick dd up out of her moses basket when she was awake.

He only ever had time for her when it was convenient for him.

Also we had a huge row because playing with dd constituted of sitting her on his knee while he watched the likely lads and ignored her.

When dd was 2 month old, xp said he didn't want to feed her her last bottle of the day because he was tired! ffs!

Also at xmas when I was struggling to pay the bills with my maternity money xp bought himself a new xbox and an ipod!

Thats one of the many reasons why me and my lazy selfish xp split up.
That and the fact that he hit me.

lazy, lazy, lazy. do you seriously want another child with this man?

Compo - It's peeing it down here actually, and I'd love to go out but I have to do some work tonight and HE DOESN'T. Also I have to tidy the house because he's too fecking lazy. This is not about the first year of having kids, he was lazy before we had kids but he's just got worse I think.

I really would quite like to run him over with his big smelly car.

Bossykate - it's a moot point because he's too lazy to have sex with me too.

On the sleep he's being completely unreasonable, he needs to take his turn, every other night imo.

On the playing with her thing, I don't think 7mos need that any playing with tbh, give them a box/something rustly and they're happy ime. And why is housework YOUR responsibility? He lives there too.

My DP was just the same. If I left him alone with them he'd just put them on the rug and watch a film or read a paper. We both workedfrom ome, but it seemed to be me who did pretty much everything. We had some serious conversations, and he has thankfully changed.
It seems to be a sad fact that most men see their role as just to be there, and occasionaly play or make a bottle etc (for which of course they expect a round of applause)

Are you me?

Probably little comfort to you right now, its hugely frustrating, but there are a few of us in the same situation. Just wanted to give you some support as am in very similar situation.

Gits.

lol at big smelly car
agree with www, sounds like he needs a good talking too. Can you get someone to b/sit, go out for a meal/drink and calmly tell him to buck his ideas up?

Well apparently it's 'natural' that I should shoulder the majority of the parenting because I'm breastfeeding

compo, I didn't say calmly - calm wouldn't come into it if my dh was this idle.

I blame his mother partly, they had a housekeeper, she did no housework and she fed him whisky nightly and kaoline and morphine to keep them quiet. So he's not aware that there aren't house fairies who clean up and thinks that since I refuse to have a housekeeper, he shouldn't have to do anything. I'm not some jumped up lazy bint like his mother, nor do I want to outsource the care for my child or the running of the house, I just expect a bit more consideration.

You are still with him????? - the only reason he acts like this is because you haven't told him to leave...sorry to be blunt,but he sounds worse than useless....

mumthreegirls.
That comment is totally innapropriate.

I don't want our dd to grow up without her daddy though and he has some moments of brilliance. He's just being a shit at the minute.

TDWP - why is it inappropriate?
She is only posting her opinion which is what we all do.
we can only go on what the OP says.
What about my idea of sitting him down and giving him a good talking to?

I kinda agree, my MIL did everything for her children. She was horrified when I made him put fresh linen on the bed when she came to stay.

They have learnt, from their own experience, that that is what mothers do. Some MILs have not done us any favours. It is not excuse for them to do nothing, but I believe they need to be retrained.

And when i work out how the hell you do that, I'll let you know.

Right, if he is willing to pay for a housekeeper I don't think you can insist on doing it all yourselves as moaning that he won't do housework.

He's being a twat about his daughter though. But if I had offered to get some cleaning work in, I would not be happy about being hassled about doing housework.